What Do You Feel Your Higher Power Has Done For You? - Al-Anon Family Group

ohno · Senior Member

What Do You Feel Your Higher Power Has Done For You?

aquamom23 · Senior Member

This is my perspective take it or leave it. Life on earth is to teach soul not to be selfish and thus reconcile with its true spiritual self being HP. Without hardship we would have no reason to learn and pain is a catalyst for growth if we only allow it. Love is the most dynamic quality we possess for it is transformative. Sometimes to quote mother Teresa we must accept that we can not do great things but we can do small things with great love. I can honestly say there is not one thing I have not been given that I've asked my HP for. Nor do I attend church or hold seances lol. That's what I know at this time and is my personal understanding for me.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

One day, I was driving to work. My mind was filled with some negative stuff. I'd done my Step 3 and Step 11 before I left, but I was still struggling with negative thoughts. All of a sudden I was aware of all the cars behind me, in front of me, on the sides of me and all of us were traveling safely on not so safe roads. I also saw in my imagination the cars that were also traveling to work much further than where I was driving and the thought that there were more cars safe than what I could see was inspiring. I realized that there is more good happening than not and oftentimes what I called "bad" wasn't bad at all. It was just my perspective that was limited because I'm human and can only see so far.

I worked with marginalized people for many, many years. Many have lived on the streets, in shelters, jails, prisons and mental hospitals. Their lives were tough and yet this same group of people would defend me, protect me and in their odd little ways love me better than the people I had worked with in corporate structure. Several laid their own lives down one night when a man had hit a woman in the group and I banned him for a month. He raised his hand to punch me and the group formed a circle around me and around him. The little woman he had hit stepped into his space and said: "If you put one hand on her, we will all take care of you."

I was going to leave that space in my nice warm car and drive to my nice safe apartment that night. The rest of them had to deal with him and his anger and had no nice warm car to crawl into or nice, safe apartments to go home to. Yet, they were willing to risk their own wellbeing in order to protect me from an out of control man with wet brain, fully knowing that he could make their lives hell on earth.

My experience showed me that those who don't have it all that easy in life can sometimes be more loving and caring than those that do. Struggle makes us empathetic if we're willing to be open to the lesson. Having a hard time in life can makes us risk takers when it comes to caring for our brothers and sisters. It can also be the impetus for someone to create something that is needed because they know on a felt need basis what is needed and how to bring it about.

Being OCD is not a death sentence nor a reason for shame. It is something that can very well lead your grandson on a path he needs to walk for himself that will also be beneficial to others?

ohno · Senior Member

aguamom: i like your philosophy. but seriously, your hp has given you everything you have asked for? that is quite amazing!

grateful: thanks for the vignette . . . yes, i agree that everything that has happened to my grandson can serve him - if he survives it all . . . he is very charismatic and people are drawn to him. i used to say he had more experiences by five than i had by 45. he has lived a lot of life. and in the last few years of his addiction, he has been to rehabs, jail, detox, sle(s), and he has met all kinds of people. he had to sleep in a homeless shelter to get into a long term rehab, twice - he has had so many experiences he can use for good, if he so chooses.

his alcoholism is super severe and i pray god will heal him of his internal torment so he can go on to live a great life.

i told him he was probably having a "dark night of the soul," but he rejected that.

it is frustrating because he is complaining of x, y, and z, but will not take any advice (i tried everything i could think of like a good little "fixer") . . .told him about eft, positive affirmations, externalizing the problem, "acting as if," etc.

i know i can't fix him . . . i am having a hard time fixing myself - that's why i am asking god to step in and get 'er done!

thanks again for the insights and support.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

I find that my God did not take away my problems (like removing your grandson OCD) but did give me the courage and wisdom to learn how to live successfully with them. I was also guided to excellent medical help and a great job to support myself in the process.

I have been given many gifts from my HP . The greatest of all was being granted the privilege of being with my son and husband in the last hours of their life and to assure them that I loved them.

I know that this was a true gift from God

aquamom23 · Senior Member

Sorry oh no. Nor did I mean to imply your grandsons ocd was somehow this vaguely deserved thing. I have a son with severe autism, he will probably never speak. While I'm not sure what's in it for him, I do know he touches many others and to have a relationship with him, tolerance for difference is a must. Acceptance too, because he is so stubborn and absolutely can't stand being told what to do! No matter how I try to enforce my parental will upon him, doesn't work. I wrote a post titled remembering HP in regards to specifics; I also sometimes ask for parking spaces; I've asked for friends; jobs. Doing that last one again.

ohno · Senior Member

thank you, hotrod. my mom recently died, and i was with her and felt much Grace during that process. i draw on that time because i really knew there were angels all around. so many things lined up perfectly - it was no mistake. i felt the DIVINE during that time.

i am sorry about your losses and happy you got to have the wonderful parting experiences. truly a gift.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Hopefully, his time with other addicts and alcoholics will be a big help to him? I had to drop all the advice giving and suggestions I made with my son - oh - and let me be honest - the lecturing, the warnings, the cautions. The biggest hook for me was when my son would detail all his troubles, his unhappy thoughts and feelings, then say "I just don't know what to do." I'd step in with ideas on what I thought he could do. Didn't work for him or me. I learned simply to listen and in the listening oftentimes he'd come up with his own solutions or I'd share with him a similar experience and how I handled it or what I learned if it seemed appropriate at the time. Later, I accepted the truth that it didn't matter what I said or didn't say, my son was going to do what he was going to do. I quit trying to save him. I couldn't do it. That was up to him and to his HP and I really didn't know the way of it. I wasn't an alcoholic. I hadn't experienced a lot of what he had experienced. It was better for me to let him learn from those who did have his experiences and his disease.

aquamom23 · Senior Member

That doesn't mean I get whatever I want the way I want it all the time. And i know better than to ask from a place of physical understanding divorced of spiritual laws. Before I had my autistic child, I asked for a child who'd never be taken away from me. I will never be without a child in this lifetime thanks to his needs. As I said, my perspective, take or leave...everyone has their own experiences.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

(((OHNO))) I am sorry to read about the loss of your mom. I do hear you and understand that feeling of Grace. A truly beautiful experience .

ohno · Senior Member

grateful: yes, the time and experiences he has had with other troubled people will definitely help him on his path, if he wants to use it as such.

it's a huge hook for me to hear someone complain about anything because i am a "head type" and a researcher and a dillettante . . . a know-it-all in the negative parlance (and so is he - i had forgotten that). i hope i learn to listen and just keep my mouth shut at some point and realize i can't fix and it's not my job!

agua: i didn't take anything negative from what you said about the ocd, at all.

hotrod: my mom was almost 97 and a very difficult person - but there was so much Grace in the end. i am grateful.

-- Edited by ohno on Friday 19th of December 2014 12:44:32 AM

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I, too, am sorry to learn that your Mom has died yet happy to learn that she lived a long, rich life and that in the end there was so much grace for which you are grateful.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

OFNO -love your new avatar. So cute :)

ohno · Senior Member

that's my son, Forest. he is a senior (12 or so) and my best friend. such a good boy.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Best thing of many my HP did for me was get me into Al-Anon and then gave me my life back. (((hugs))) smile

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

My HP gave me life and is a most beloved dance partner. I am learning (sometimes not so successfully smile ) to have faith that I don't have the bigger picture for me or others, so it is best for me to keep my nose out of where it does not belong (even though Paula knows best biggrin )...not that my requests would make a difference even if I asked!

A great question for us to respond to...I am glad you had some grace filled moments with your mom.

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

First of all, I want you to know I am also the thinking, fixing type as you describe yourself. I am a nurse, so I understand fixing people. However, we can only do so much for our loved ones who are afflicted by mental illness and addiction. They have to want to help themselves or they will not heal. We can't do it for them. My AH has OCD and is on medication. There is medication and also group help for your grandson out there, if he wants it. My AH will take the medication, but he won't get help from people. I have begged and pleaded, cried and screamed, I've been calm, I've gone to meetings and therapists with him. It didn't do much good. The person has to accept they need help and get it. The help I am getting for myself is al Anon.

As far as my HP goes, God has helped me find the strength to move out of my house. I believe HP gives us people in our lives to help us. I have a great sponsor and best friend along with family who has helped me see that I cannot live with an A. Just knowing that I have spiritual guidance helps me change my life.

ohno · Senior Member

I heard in a YouTube video about the 4 M's: Managing, Mothering, Martrying . . . can't think of the fourth right now - that is probably the one I need. But anyway, I was an excellent manager and actually decided to manage my teenage children at one point, as a parenting skill.

I didn't have boundaries and jumped in and fixed all kinds of problems that were none of my business. I am good at that, so I had to adjust the Serenity Prayer for me so it would make sense. My version is: God, Grant me the serenity to Accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I SHOULD (not "can" because I can change all kinds of things I SHOULD not change) and the Wisdom to know the difference. I still want to fix everything. It's a sickness and for me, it's all about trying to establish safety in an unsafe world (and those alcoholics really make things unsafe). I recently uncovered some old childhood traumas around safety which I am trying to bring awareness to . . .

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Manipulating is the 4th M.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

I never got rescued from my brutal childhood, i never got cured of my anxiety and my ptsd is sorta in remission

i never got a lot of my needs met, and thus i don't really believe in anything outside of myself...soo if it is all within which my native american instincts/inclinations go, then i need to work on connecting to my inner me...my best within me or my inner parent...

i DID get into recovery, and i give thanks to the universal creator for that........life is hard, but i manage, i get by........a LOT of my prayers didn't get answered so the only one i use is the serenity prayer...that is it as far as "requests" to the source......

great topic...thanks for sharing it......

Hoot Nanny · ~*Service Worker*~

Ohno: I can't begin to share what my HP has done for me. But, I will share one thing. He has saved me from so many times when I wanted to give up. He has been there for me when no one else was & cured my loneliness. Well...that was two things. I am just so grateful to be living instead of just existing.

Kathleen

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

God Almighty, the creator is my HP. He is the foundation of everything in my life. He brought me to mip to learn how to love A's, and put them in his hands for one thing.

As far as your son, God has given us tools to deal with whatever hard thing we suffer. OCD, there are meds, eating correctly, not eating certain food, not smoking, drinking coffee, eating sugar. Learning to accept your illness and make it easier to live with.

In my believe everything bad comes from satan not God.

MIP has helped me grow into someone I like. I am forgiving, don't judge, choose how to respond, don't engage in anything rediculous, spell? Patience, or more serenity. I give it all to him, others problems and or obstacles are not mine, so I don't carry them. I just love people, I don't carry them.

At first I may hurt, then I realize it does that person no good, I need to let go of it. Allow them the dignity to figure it out for themselves, that is the only way they will grow.

yesterday I woke full of anxiety. Was miserable. I talked to hp asked him to take this pain. So I remembered the breathing I do, and the saying everything will be ok over and over. Relaxing, sorta mellowing out my gut. hard to explain but it worked. HP gave me the tools to fix it. so I did.

OCD people have support groups online and face to face, there is tons of literature. We can ask and ask but if we don't do the footwork, nothing will happen.

My horse was dying, went down the wrong way with its hooves pointing up the mountain! I didn't stand there and pray. i put her halter on, and lead grabbed the lead and yelled and cried and screamed asked for hp to send me angels...I pulled till I was almost to the ground. I opened my eyes and there was my beautiful girl Glory running kickin gup her hoovies! There is NO WAY I lifted that horse alone. no way.

I was muddy, sore, and crying, but no way would it happen if I just sat there.

hugs!

cloudyskies · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi ohno. First off, I am nothing without my HP. I could not even take my next breath if my HP did not bless me to do so. My HP did for me what I could not do for myself>>He saved me. My HP led me to Al-Anon. My HP has given me two beautiful healthy granddaughters. My HP has taught me how to forgive others as well as myself. HP has not promised us life on this earth would be easy. But he has promised us the tools we need to get through each day.

There are no sufficient words to express my gratitude to my God.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.