My boyfriends ex-wife finally got her way! - Al-Anon Family Group

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

My boyfriends ex-wife finally got her way!

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Breaking Free You handled it well. The visit is now over and they are gone!!!. Do not let them rent space in your head.

Your life and exam are the most imprtant to you. Prayers that you can let go and let God.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Breakingfree wrote:
. Tonight his ex-wife that has wanted to meet me the last 9 months did a drop in with their 11 year old and it was awkward and left me unfocused and feeling like the boundaries here suck!!!!! His daughter needed to print something for school and for whatever reason the ex's printer wouldn't work?! I have a huge final tomorrow I knew I couldn't avoid her forever she lives 2 blocks from him!

I don't have enough info to really esh, but its done...they got in, and printed something...now its time to BREATHE.......do the serenity prayer, say a mantra , anything, focus on your breath and get calm again b/c bottom line, you got a test tomorrow and u need to study.....

don't know why its so important for Ex to meet you....that is kinda weird unless she figures you might be , potentially, step mom to her 11 year old??? thats the only reason why i could think of her "need" to meet you....well you met, and you know he has an Ex, so now you two have met.....you would have posted if she was ugly to you......seems to me that its just awkward meeting the Ex, but BF , it happens alot, especially if there are are kids in prev. marriage....

sending you CALM BREATHE ITS OK energy, Maybe now she will get over her obsession about meeting you....if there is shared custody, i might feel the same, (wanting to meet the g.f. who may be interacting w/my daughter on his days) thats the only reason why i would (if i were Ex) want to meet the new girl

sorry, i can't give much here, i don't know the details.....but this isn't all that unique.....i figure with kids, it was bound to happen sooner or later..It is OK, you are RIGHT to be there....you are his girlfriend, and thus his present tense lady, maybe she was just over curious.......sending you LOTS of luck for tomorrows exam....wish i could help you more, but with few details, this is all i can do...send you good energy............hugs

-- Edited by neshema2 on Thursday 18th of December 2014 08:12:20 PM

cloudyskies · ~*Service Worker*~

ditto what HR said. Do a few minutes of meditation to refocus yourself. I wish you luck with your exams. I know you are going to do well. smile

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Keep it in perspective sis .. He had a wife and a life. Obviously from what you have shared big lack of boundaries. Her curiosity has been satisfied and you have a good idea of what you are getting out of the deal in terms of their dance. Now take care of you! Hugs ..

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

When it comes to my kids, I guess I'd have an open door policy, too, BF. The x wouldn't figure into it for me - except for being the transporter and the one I'd work to get along with for the sake of our kids. I dated. I don't remember if my "x" even knew who I was dating and if he did, it wouldn't have mattered to me one way or another. I do know that I met the gals he was dating - well, at least "the keepers" - and we all liked each other - so much so we sat together with our children at his memorial service - again for the kids' sake.

I agree with Serenity - that he had a wife and a life - and from where I'm sitting - that life with the wife is over. Now, there is you and him and all the children. You and he are crafting your own relationship together and both your x and his x will be on the outer fringes of that relationship and the children will all be front and center.

With the others, I am hoping you'll be able to do the study that is necessary tonight and do well on the final, too!!!!! (((BF)))

-- Edited by grateful2be on Thursday 18th of December 2014 09:29:36 PM

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

When I finally "got it", what the Al-Anon Program was all about, I learned that it was about focusing on and fixing me first or else I didn't have anything to rely on. All of the "other" people are just that "other" people. My first relationship is with my HP and none of the "other" people have HP's status. The next "other" person is myself hooked up with my HP "the team" and there are two wills that need to be satisfied there, HP's and mine. Mine is what I do and HP's is how I do it with oversight on the what. The "other" people are here in my life for practice when practice is called for. They too have their stories and I can choose if I want to or don't want to listen or be a part of "their" stories. It's choice. The love statement, "Love God with your whole heart, mind and soul and your neighbor as yourself" teaches me that I have to know what it is like to be loved by me first otherwise I'm just fishing and patronizing. I don't do that well anymore. It's all choice the what and the how. Focus...Focus...Focus. ((((hugs)))) In support. smile

aquamom23 · Senior Member

Your finals are tomorrow. That's fantastic. Focus on you and your efforts. Serenity prayer. Success visualizations. Its all about you bf you can do it.

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Good luck bf, i might be too late with this suggestion but try going to the bathroom, saying the serenity prayer, think about the words and say a wee prayer ask for help. Also this sometimes help me, breath in for 7 seconds, hold for 6 and exhale for 8.x

Katy · ~*Service Worker*~

Breaking, keep it simple, and focus, control the only thing you can, yourself, now go nail it!

love

Katy

x

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I finally pulled it together studied a bit more and went to bed, we talked it out. I have a lot of boundaries with my exAH, because he is an A. He is still friends with his ex and I just don't understand it, because his isn't an A. So it really was no big deal, but I still had a mini breakdown over it. Just wanted to meet her on my terms, but it's done and over, so now maybe she can let it go. I am at school studying and by this afternoon I will head in and rock my last final! Thanks all for the ESH! Sending you all love and support on your journey's!

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

You found an outcome that was beneficial for you....the program was worked and now you are complete to do the best you can on your final. Sending you some good joo joo...

likemyheart · ~*Service Worker*~

Hey my thinking is great, you got the first meet over, sure it wasn't the way you wanted but those things we dread never come easy and once they are done, wow do we look back and think, why did I stress it so much? Lotsa luck on your final! let us know how you do.

andromeda · ~*Service Worker*~

Good luck on your final, BF! HUGS to you, too, because it's never fun when things get sprung on us and we're not ready for them, etc, but it sounds like you handled it well!

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I sure can see what made you upset, especially considering how HER behavior has affected your life!

You handled it very eloquently, which does not surprise me.

Hoping you can let it go in time. Myself I would have found it very rude to have them just walk in. Was your car in driveway?

I may have even refused to meet her if I was not ready and in a place like you were. Your education is a HUGE thing right now that you have invested so much in and compromised for.

Sending you a huge hug. and lots of LOVE, debilyn

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

My car was in the driveway and she lives a few blocks away, but they have a pretty open policy with the kids going back and forth and sometimes the little one needs a driver. I am truly over it. She was asking me questions about school since she could see my stuff all over the kitchen table and that I was studying and she asked about my girls. I was a bit too thrown off to do anything else other than answer her questions nicely and try to study while she waited for their daughter to finish her printing upstairs. I think it went well for the most part, of course I look back and think it wasn't that big of a deal, but I seriously had anxiety over it! Thanks for the love All!

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

smile

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