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Post Info TOPIC: maybe surrender?


Senior Member

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Posts: 419
Date:
maybe surrender?


Well I am battling  with life again,that's me, ever ready for a crisis,I got very angry and  upset about some things and had a panic attack.I saw my therapist today and she asked me if I have ever lived a crisis free life, or feeling like one was just around the corner, and I said I have no idea what that would feel like.Will I ever not have the feeling that someone is about to pull the rug out from under me?I am so tired and it is a weariness of the spirit that haunts me,I can't seem to just be sometimes,I feel pressured to be more or better.I just want to be okay with being me.I am frustrated with myself,with who I am and how I feel,I know it takes time,but right now I am here,I am not there,yet.



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Mary



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 7576
Date:

After I separated from my "x," I had multiple experiences of what you are describing - some with obvious reasons and some were simply reactions that seemed to come out of nowhere.  The more I built up my self-esteem and the more healing I did, the less I had panic attacks.  Fast forward about 36 years, I can still have moments when my entire body tenses up but my self-talk helps me relax as does talking things over when its really hard to relax with my sponsor or a fellowship member.  Trauma does a number on us and I don't think we ever get to a place depending on the severity of it when we don't have those experiences but they aren't frequent and they do become manageable in my experience.  I think it is healthier to experience them than to numb out.  We're conscious when we can feel the panic, anxiety, fear or dread and Al-Anon offers tools to include the membership to help with that.  When we numb out - I think we're paralyzed in a lot of ways and not all that conscious.  Might be the difference between responding and reacting for those of us who have been traumatized if we can feel our feelings and notice we don't like the way we feel and use tools versus trying to shut the feelings off and shove them down?



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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig



Senior Member

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Posts: 419
Date:

Yes and I am feeling so many things right now,it is odd because I told my therapist I am usually quite numb,but now so many things are hitting me.

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Mary



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 7576
Date:

And they'll probably continue because you're safe and ready to deal with some things with help. Just remind yourself when it happens that this, too, will pass. It will. It does. And I'm glad you aren't trying to handle it all alone. You'll heal more quickly with the help and support of others.

As a postscript - one of the things that helped me was walking a couple of miles a day.  I tried running but got shin splints.  Walking worked just as well to help the stored trauma energy in the muscles work itself out.  I couldn't just sit on that explosion of energy.  I had to physically work my body daily to help restore myself on all levels.



-- Edited by grateful2be on Wednesday 17th of December 2014 11:56:39 PM

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig

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