The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well we woke up late today at 7 am and I was feeling quite nervous. I didn't rush through the morning. Went to court, my file wasn't there. But I discovered something interesting about myself. When it came down to advocating for myself and children an intellectual side came out utterly divorced of fear. I was out in half an hour and as always got the right person at the right time. There was another woman there obviously terrified. I hugged her and told her to be strong. I'm adding her to my prayers. I so know her fear from past experience. The children and I made the Christmas party on time and it was so wonderful because I feel appreciative. I know now and have for a while how isolated we've been and how we haven't been able to grow. And so all the things that would usually stress me just don't. I also realised that living with an alcoholic whether intentionally or not , our feelings get stuffed down because an alcoholic is selfish and emotionally not there. Maybe in words but practically they can't change or won't change their behaviour. while washing the dishes last night I purposefully choked off my grief. Then I felt that heavy tiredness of life with an alcoholic. Where I'm not allowed to feel. And that was enough for me to understand many things. As I was leaving court, ladies, I saw and heard a man who could have been many of our former husbands. He was being prevented from approaching his partner after consuming alcohol. His attitude and unkemptness.....in time my mother says I will be free of men beneath me. But just for today that stranger next to me was actually what I married. Boggles the mind. Love to you all.
Loved that you learned you are able to advocate for both yourself and your children, that you went to a Christmas party, that you notice you have been stuffing your feelings and don't want to do that anymore(?), that you could hug another woman with understanding and empathy, and had an up close and personal reminder in the courtroom of why you're doing what you're doing. Sounds like you had a very eventful and HP'd day! (The choking back tears part - well - let it go, let it goooooo (Thank you, Frozen.) Many, many hugs today, aquamom. By the way - did you take any wasp spray with you?
I really relate to this,I haven't been allowed to feel or express myself or have an opinion for so long I feel as if I am about to boil over.I want to go outside and scream at the moon and say I have a voice, I matter, I am someone with feelings.I am having an especially emotional night tonight,I am just realizing the prison that I lived in and I have so much to feel and do sometimes it just comes bubbling out.I was with my teenage daughter one day and I got the giggles,I just couldn't stop laughing.
WOW AquaMOM I can so relate. I am so pleased that you were able to call on the courage, serenity and wisdom within when you needed it.
Offering support to a terrified woman, breaking the isolation caused by the disease, by attending the Christmas party, not stuffing your feelings but allowing yourself to feel them, and validating your self are all changed attitudes and so impressive .
Its really all programme and HP. Still have to deal with all the emotional trauma. Abandonment, self worth etc. Looking forward to the day I look in the mirror and see an employed woman about to jump in her own car to go have fun. That day will come.
Freedom from living with the insanity and chaos of active drinking is sonething else. I know how you feel. Best feeling in the world then of course touched with a hint of post traumatic stress on some level or other. You sound great aqua, strong and self assured and doing what needs to be done for you and your kids. Keep on keeping on and take some time for yourself if you can, a bubblebath, candles. Get hugs where you can.
Its really all programme and HP. Still have to deal with all the emotional trauma. Abandonment, self worth etc. Looking forward to the day I look in the mirror and see an employed woman about to jump in her own car to go have fun. That day will come. Just for today I'm where I'm meant to be
You are growing sooooo much...imagine being fear free, fear less, open and compassionate with and to others. self confident. This is the picture of recovery. Keep on keeping on AM...In support. (((((hugs)))))
Damn unsmart smartphone! Well we just made the easiest custody arrangement. You can see the kids anytime you want just don't be drunk or hungover. Now its up to him and HP.
Yup Jerry. And I can add it to my assert list: a woman of her word. I always said if we split, the kids won't he deprived of the other parent out of spite. I know sometimes we have to protect our kids. A different matter to this one. I couldn't have got here without each of you. This family has been my anchor. Blessed. Very much.
Aquamom, your actions today tell me your self worth isnt so wobbly....it seems strong. You soaked up the 12 steps in a hurry and embraced your HP as your companion/ guide. The insights you have had and the compassion you demonstrated towards your sis in the courtroom is inspiring. Your children are fortunate to have you as their mom.
Aquamum, you have been like a sponge, so ready. While your on this roll get a sponsor if you can and work the steps. Take your recovery to the next deeper level. My sponsor is like another wee lifeline.x
