The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My new job is exhausting and demanding. I suppose I'm doing better than I was in the past. I can make decisions without trying to people please. I'm up against a lot right now. This is a hit the ground running kind of job with no down time. In fact, I have a mandatory sixty hours a week right now and they'd like more if I was willing. That's not going to be happening. When I took this job, I thought I was becoming part of something groundbreaking and exciting. I wanted to be a part of that, a part of history, something with a purpose, something gratifying. Instead... it's failing and people are scrambling and I'm trying to put out fires with very little resources. I'm dealing with angry, frustrated and emotionally spent innocent people who are the victims of a poorly designed system. Some of them cry on the phone, quite a few and some beg me to help them. I try to where I can and then they are so incredibly grateful because they tell me they've been passed around from one person to the next for hours. I try not to cry too because I know this shouldn't be happening to people. They shouldn't be driven to the edge of despair while they're trying to do the "right" thing, follow the "rules." It's what they tell me this and they're right. This is their well being. They say, "You're wonderful, you're the only one who helped me and I talked to blah blah many people before you, thank you!" They can't believe someone cares enough to actually call them back with information. Something is very wrong, I feel like I'm in the middle of a trainwreck. It's just sad, you know. I wish it were all working better for the sake of everyone.
I am grateful for this program though because I don't rehash all the instances where things went wrong and I disappointed people. I know I'm trying to find the middle ground of doing what my employer expects and following my conscience. Overall however the days are emotionally draining. I practice detachment as much as possible and I know manipulation when I hear it but I think I also know genuine anguish when I hear it too. That's when I want to fix it. Yes... I'm idealistic and naive lol I still believe in people first and I dare to have some hope.
Not sure if any of this makes much sense, I need to go to bed. I'm up sixteen hours. Thanks for letting me bring it here, (((family)))) TT
I'm sure none of this makes any sense but I have nowhere to go with it
__________________
Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
That sounds like a very demanding situation TT and those folks are lucky to have you there.
I love your bravery in maintaining hope. Keep taking care of yourself, sleep well.
It makes sense to me!
I hope you get some well earned sleep.
Hugs.
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
It makes sense to me. It sounds like an inhumane environment and you are a beacon of light who is trying to stay bright. Working 60 hours a week, though, will make it difficult to stay bright. Take care of yourself TT.
I am sorry TT these were not the terms under which you agreed to join this team. I would n begin that job search once agin.
Prayers and positive thoughts for a good nights sleep .
when I read your post I thought thank goodness for people like you, you take your job very seriously and go about it very professionally, and go way beyond and above what is expected of you, that is your nature,and what it all comes down to I think, sometimes life is unfair, and it is sometimes, such a lot of people don't care enough and just do enough to get by, I see collectively on this forum an abundance of true honest sincere people who I just love being around, because they do go that extra mile, there maybe a better job for you somewhere out there TT, where you are not being exploited.
... and now it's done. Thanks for all your kind replies and encouragement. I was let go today. It's really not such a surprise. I suppose some of the things I'm about to say may sound like sour grapes but they're the truth. There was drinking going on by supervisors and when we've reached out for help from them, we've been met with sarcasm and surly attitudes and shaming. I had to practice so much detachment and let it begin with me that I'd begun looking for another job. I'm proud of the job I did there because the people I served told me lots of times that I was the only one who had actually taken the time to help them. I guess I'm not further along in working world because I'm not going to play the game. I didn't rack up big numbers for this place but I actually got the job done. What's wrong with this picture??? In my estimation... nothing. In theirs... everything. My job was to cherrypick those who would help to pump up the image of this place and drop kick the people who had troubles which by the way were in part caused by workers of this company. I made the mistake of believing following through on a promise to aid these people would actually be damage control for this company's reputation. Silly me!
I feel a little insulted they let me go but mostly I'm relieved. How does a person keep their program in such an environment, be true to themself and maintain serenity. They don't; at least I haven't. Rejection is God's protection. It feels a bit strange that I feel so proud of myself even though they dumped me. Maybe because I chose not to sell myself out or the people I was suppose to be helping. Some were so angry by the time I got them but after a short time I gained their trust. I guess because I wasn't sitting there spouting the rehearsed lies I was taught to tell them. I worked at finding a solution for them. I'm not losing hope that there's still a few places out there looking for someone dedicated and real - a place that doesn't just talk the talk but walks the walk too. Nice to know I don't have to go back to this place to work. They have no use for the skills I bring. They'll be appreciated someplace else. It just wasn't a good fit for me. Thanks for letting me share with you. TT
__________________
Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
You might have lost a job but it sounds to me as if you have your own integrity. Well, as a friend of mine who knew we were going to be downsized once said: "I was looking for a job when I found this one." Our program fortunately also has step 3 and Step 11 to cling to when a door closes behind us and the new door is still not revealed. Sorry they let you go and glad to see that although it felt a bit insulting to you, you are mostly relieved.
Hugs, TT. I really like your attitude and needed to hear what you had to share tonight. I'm sorry you lost your job but it sounds like maybe it was a blessing in disguise.
__________________
Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
I'm so sorry you have this exit but it also sounds like a blessing now that it's evident that the job was not what you thought it would be. It doesn't sound personal, it was too far from an ideal fit. Be extra good to yourself, eat nutritiously, exercise, and sleep well- you've done a wonderful job and you're now removed from a very unhealthy situation. Sending lots of prayers! (((((TT)))))
Thank you ((((everyone))) for your responses to my update. I agree that it's a blessing in disguise. I'm having lots of dreams about work since Friday when I was let go but I know in time that will pass. I've been making more meetings and reading more CAL but I'm having a bit of trouble with self care. Even though I feel a sense of relief not working in a place that was such a poor fit, I tend to turn on myself by trying to quiet uncomfortable feelings with junk food or distracting myself with shopping. Even if I don't spend money, it puts my focus elsewhere. It's a way of not continually visiting my disappointment. I know my feelings will begin to settle down if I allow myself to just go through it and keep my hp close. I've been kinda in a daze since Friday when they took my badge and escorted me out. I've never had that happen. Logically, I know it's just how they do things; but some old feelings of rejection have been revisiting me. At this time, I'm trying not to lose my focus concerning what's reality and what's illusion based on the past when I had little or no recovery for assurance.
I was let go from this job because i couldn't perform the job to the employer's expectations. It was their right to end my employment with them. I know it's true that I was unwilling to compromise the principles of my program to work in a manner that benefited the employer but often resulted in worsened issues for innocent people whom I was told it was my job to help. The service I was meant to perform was corroded by operations in the background. I was expected to withhold information, hide facts and selectively fix only the situations that would be image promoting for the employer. The media is watching. Basically, you needed the "right" problem, the one that would increase stats. I lost my job because I was viewing each person on a case by case basis and how they would be affected by the outcome. To work where I worked I would have had to have closed my ears pretty much a public outcry for help and operationalized every device to make it appear that a broken system was working like a charm.
I've called my sponsor to hash this out with her. She assured me that she knew I'd worked my program and did my job ethically. She went on to ask me what she and her family could do to help themselves because although it wasn't me they connected with, they had connected for service and things had gone terribly wrong and they now didn't know what to do, how it could be fixed, could it be fixed at all, where do they begin, how do they take care of themselves in all this, what if a crisis happens while they are in limbo waiting for a decision because there's no clear date when things will be resolved for them. This increased my sadness to know someone personally who has been directly impacted. It felt good to know she trusted my ability to help with suggestions based on skills and experience. My best suggestion to her was to keep pursuing answers directly and to document everything to protect herself from any backlash from my former employer related to the problem - a problem which they caused and she did not.
It just feels sad, all of it. I hope something better comes all the turmoil this has caused people. Thanks for letting me share. TT
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Monday 12th of January 2015 03:46:44 PM
__________________
Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
I've had that happen thrice. Once when the company decided to downsize and a large group of us were escorted from the building - not even allowed to take our purses or coats or personal items - they brought them to us and it was totally unexpected. Once when the son hired me into a family owned business when his Dad was on vacation and his Dad came back and I was let go because the Dad wanted an older woman. Third time a boss put his hands on my behind end as he did others and I asked him politely to remove his hands. It is a shock when we don't see it coming and I've also learned that each time I was let go in those cases, I found something better - though it took some time and I needed the break anyway. You did the best you could. The outcome was not in your hands. You will find the work that is right for you. Not all employers have only profit or numbers on their mind.
I also understand your sadness. I can remember the looks on the faces of the shocked people I worked with, my co-workers who liked me at the family business, and the desperate looks on the faces of the other women who needed their jobs and were manhandled by the boss. Broke my heart but I couldn't save them. I had to do what I could to find work for me. I did take note of the way people looked and were treated, however. When I started the non-profit I was hired to create, I did none of what was done to me or to others. I had to forgive the bosses, they all had their stories. But, I did learn experientially what not to do at a time I didn't realize that I would start a business of my own at the request of others who couldn't do it themselves.
Thank you (((grateful))) If something I say here helps, I'm glad. I've got what I've got and that's all I've got LOL
(((el-cee)))) I'm not sure I've earned your compliment but I appreciate it. And to be honest, I've looked at your response more than once and asked myself if it could be true or if I could at least "act as if"
Thanks to both of you for helping me to keep believing in myself. TT
__________________
Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
(((TT))) You helped me so many times since I've been on this board - both in the giving and in the receiving of e/s/h. My son's continued use, my Dad's sudden decline and death, my retirement - you were there for all of it. Thank you.
