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I read the obits in my hometown paper. Today, a grade school chum was named together with the day of his death. I thought about the other "boys" in my little grade school who have died before he did. I can remember what a wild and crazy bunch he hung with. I can remember that he could do wild and crazy by himself, too. The write up was real. It didn't pull any punches. It gave credit to the fact of his being in a 12-step program for 28 years and how he loved being in it because it helped him to help others. It was stated that "He found himself" in that program. I read the condolences and the memories of him - all positive - even the one that read "To my Mom he could do no wrong. Even when he painted our cat." I grinned because that was him. Painting cats and other wild and crazy things. Some of the people who wrote had memories of their own loved ones who were also active in that 12-step program and how much they loved him. I knew all of those people, too, so I knew what 12-step program they were referring to in the writing.
When I was a child, there was never any discussion about alcoholism - well, except for the falling down drunks that one could see stumbling at night out of bars or carrying small, heavy paper bags. There was no way that I could have known that I'd marry an alcoholic or that all these wild and crazy boys would also become alcoholics. Some did enter program. Some did not. There are still a few of the group remaining and they are still wild and crazy but also very sick. I can't help but wonder if we had known as children about this disease and gotten help way back then if some of us could have avoided the miseries of that disease? I was glad to see that he had a program and that he is so well thought of at the end of his life and remembered by some of us childhood chums with a grin. But, I also know there is more to the story than the obit's good read or the condolences and memories. Maybe one day our children's children or their children's children will not experience living with a person in full blown alcoholism or reading of the deaths of school chums who struggled or died - with or without program - due to the disease or the effects of it? I sure hope so.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 15th of December 2014 10:23:56 PM
Dear Catherine I do hear you I must say that My son was told from the age of 10 about the terrible dangers of alcoholism and drugs. He attended ala teen, many open AA meetings and Anniversary meetings that honored his dad. He never touched alcohol but did do drugs when his dad died He entered drugs annoy. at 19 and rebuilt a very successful life When he was 33 he decided that I was all wrong about alcohol , that I saw alcoholics around every tree as he kept telling me and that he was a grown adult and could certainly drink like anyone else. How wrong he was.
He had all the information, example, saw the disease in action and yet the disease took hold and denial grew daily. Rehabs detox etc could not help although he could recite the AA Big Book backward and forward. He died of alcoholism at 41 .
There are many active alcoholics in my family, none of which will admit to alcoholism. All live in denial ,never went to an AA meeting but they are still moving and living. . The disease is cunning baffling and powerful
Hopefully, one day we will know more about the workings of the brain and how to stop the misfiring that scientists have been able to identify but don't know what to do with their findings yet.
I, too, drug my kids to a program referred to as Alatot, then Alateen, then Alanon for my daughter while I attended Alanon shortly following the divorce and worked on myself in so many other ways, too. I talked with both of them about the disease when I knew more and have done the same with my grandson. They know the problems their Dad and some of his friends had with this disease and still - sigh. There is also a lot more kids learned in the "Just Say No" program when they were in school than their Dad or me who weren't educated at all about either alcoholism or drug addiction.
Regardless of the past, I do hold onto hope for generations coming up when it comes to finding a way to stop this disease in its genetic tracks or the brain blips that contribute to alcoholism and various other chemical dependencies.
Me, too. There are some schools of thought that see alcoholism/drug addiction to be reaching epidemic proportions. They can be extremists in their thinking (who ever knows the agenda behind the pollsters or publishers of these reports) and yet I know that there are many more people using drugs - even prescribed - than when I was growing up or in my 30s, 40s. In our City, no new businesses are really coming in but there sure are a lot of new bars and licenses being given for beer and wine to be sold even in our dollar stores now. Wow!
It is late and my brain is slowing, yet, as I am reading through the thread the words " it is darkest before the light" showed up. I, too, see more substance abuse and those words give me hope.
Well, the good news is that if the researchers who see alcoholism/drug addiction to be reaching epidemic proportions are taken seriously, that could very well bring scientists together from various places around the globe to work on the issue and hopefully medical help for the diseases together much more quickly because it could be seen as a public health issue? Maybe that's pie in the sky thinking but we did get to the moon. Smile.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 15th of December 2014 11:29:59 PM
(((((Betty))))) I listen to your heart and still see that yellow Camaro and feel the deepest empathy and compassion and respect for your recovery. In the end the one that is left standing is the one that is necessary. Mahalo Akua for this sister.
Me, too, Paula. Medical science has progressed since the 30s and the 50s. We know so much more about the body, brain and vital organs then we did back then. I guess I'm unwilling to believe we're stuck with this disease for all time.
There are many active alcoholics in my family, none of which will admit to alcoholism. All live in denial ,never went to an AA meeting but they are still moving and living. . The disease is cunning baffling and powerful
(((((((((((((((Betty)))))))))))) OMG...how sad...he KNEW yet it still "got him" I grew up with it from day one of my life.....i figured it was "normal" for the longest time.....i was pretty much shock proof by age 10, i had seen so many horror shows by the female raging alcoholic.......you know when i see the "desease is cunning baffling and powerful" ...almost like it has a "personality" , i think maybe it is dark spirits in the spirits and that is why it is so hard to fight off once it grabs you, like a python just slowly taking the life out of you...........soooo sad............scary.............
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Me, too. There are some schools of thought that see alcoholism/drug addiction to be reaching epidemic proportions. They can be extremists in their thinking (who ever knows the agenda behind the pollsters or publishers of these reports) and yet I know that there are many more people using drugs - even prescribed - than when I was growing up or in my 30s, 40s. In our City, no new businesses are really coming in but there sure are a lot of new bars and licenses being given for beer and wine to be sold even in our dollar stores now. Wow!