Work drama? How to handle it? - Al-Anon Family Group

hope4ever · Member

Work drama? How to handle it?

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Any departments where you work where there isn't a lot of drama? Maybe a transfer or promotion to that department is something you can put in for? biggrin

I have worked in places where very immature people or bored people focus more on others than their work. There's no changing them and escaping the gossip mill is an art form depending on whether or not you can leave the area when the gossiping starts. Confronting the behavior only helps the gossipers have more to gripe about. Staying silent sometimes is the solution since no participation doesn't contribute to the situation or looking for the first opening to changing the subject can be helpful, too. If gravitating to another healthier group of co-workers is possible, for me that would be the best solution.

Generally, only people who don't respect or care about themselves much gossip a lot. Helps them deflect their own distress onto other people. I have also learned when I can't flee, fight or fix a gossiping person, I can choose to affirm them in whatever way is genuine and true about them. That helps stops gossip, too, at least temporarily.

I do want to admit that I did have one co-worker who under the guise of "caring and sharing" would want me to hear a story about somebody she barely knew and I didn't know at all. I did everything I knew to do to politely excuse myself from this form of gossip. Finally, I just said directly: "A, I don't know this person and I really don't care about them. Can we talk about something else?" There is a limit to my desire to handle things conservatively and gossiping is something that really wastes my time - especially about a person I don't even know.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 15th of December 2014 02:53:09 PM

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi hope4ever I experienced much the same at the work place and decided that I would not longer participate by even listening to the gossip, judging or critiquing anyone or anything I was just going to do my job and talk about it. I explained my position to one and all and indicated that it was too depressing to listen to this negative information all day so I decided to stop all my participation in the activity . If the information was not directly affecting my job I did not want to discus it

People really heard me, agreed that the negative rumors were destructive and respected my position. I was extremely happy not being part of the gossip and still maintained my friends at the workplace.
Practicing these principles in all our affairs as the 12 th Step suggests works

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

I struggle with this too. I listen to the gossip and negativity thinking im being a good friend and I try staying neutral and that is hard and I somtimes feel judged for not taking part. I try to detach with love but if its a constant thing its hard not to get involved and feel depressed about it. I feel like im trying to livewhat ive learned and that means no gossipping but theres a part of me that still wants to belong and fears rejection so I still remain part of the whole thing. Its an interesting topic and I will be picking up some of the esh too. Thanks for bringing it here.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

hope4ever wrote:
There is a lot of drama going on at work and others are trying to pull me into it. They are also talking badly about me to others. It is a triangle apparently. I have 2 people who talk my ear off about the drama and I really need to not get trapped in that. I try and be kind and listen but I end up feeling drained and frustrated.
Do you have any ES and H regarding work drama? and how I can learn to not stay and listen to others gossip? I am not a gossippy person at all and I hate conflict. I love the alanon program and I know it can help me in this situation. I would love to know your thoughts!
THanks:)

Hi, yes, there are things that i do at work to avoid this...I come in, smile, be nice and hunker down and do my job....i don't listen to gossip, i just walk away when it starts., like i gotta do something...NEVER share my personal stuff that is more than very very casual/innocuous stuff, NEVER talk about another to another b/c that is asking for it....I am there to work....not fraternize......small offices are kinda different, i kinda made friends w/the off. mgr. at one place and its just her and me working and we do get on fine, but its like we have built in , mutually respected boundaries, and we do fine together.... but that is exception, not the rule...its essential to be nice, cooperative, if you can lend a hand to someone who does his/her job diiligently but is a bit buried and you are done w/your stuff, no worries, i will lend a hand, but i never absorb their responsibilities......"listening" means your interested in the drama......if it were me, i would exit and immediately start doing something like u just remembered you have this task to get done b4 a certain time.....if they pursue you, then i have done this, too, i just say, "hey i'm not comfortable with all this, no offense, but getting into this kind of convo does't work for me" and you smile and go about your business....there are drama kings/queens in most places and its best to keep a nice distance, friendly, nice, but distant....that is what i do....i keep my distance..i am well liked at work b/c people know i don't gossip, i don't indulge in drama, etc., i just come and do my job..........it easy to avoid gossip......just walk away....if they try to pursue the matter, you just say what i said above....your not comfortable with this and let it go at that......a fire can't burn w/out a carbonaceous surface to feed it ...can't burn w/out oxygen either....be nice...be strong...be consistent about being disinterested in drama/gossip......

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

I have a lot of work drama, too. I like to keep as busy as I can and avoid the gossip. If I am asked about my personal life, I have come to the point I just say I can't talk about my personal life at work. If it gets to the point of harassment, I have spoken to management about issues. I have also spoken to people directly and told them to stop bullying me. Yes, I used that word. Now I avoid that person at all costs. Sometimes we just can't get along with people, and that's ok.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I taught in the school district, it was all drama/gossip.

Myself, I never went to the staff room, or any get togethers. If people were gossiping I did not engage. I did my work. I even made it known I was a Christian and did not engage in drama or gossip. If jokes were not acceptable I walked away.

People will get the message you want no part of it. I was always friendly, cared about them, brought yummy stuff and left it in lunch room. if we had some school thing on books or gardening I brought things to decorate.

Its all up to you. If a person does not want to be part of something they just are not! I don't care if someone gossips about me as they are not my friend or anyone I care to have around me anyway.

I guess it is a matter of integrity to me. If someone is telling an off color joke, i will say I find it inappropriate to share that at work. Or I am known to say I am not prejudice, don't want to hear it.

I never knew what was going on. my friend did. I would tall her M I don't want to know!!!

So how will you choose to handle it? hugs, and I am glad you are not into it, shows me what a good person you are!!

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Debilyn wrote:

People will get the message you want no part of it. I was always friendly, cared about them, brought yummy stuff and left it in lunch room. if we had some school thing on books or gardening I brought things to decorate.
Its all up to you. If a person does not want to be part of something they just are not! I don't care if someone gossips about me as they are not my friend or anyone I care to have around me anyway.

so agree Deb.....sometimes one has to stand their ground, but eventually message is received......i didn't bring stuff in to lunch room, but I was friendly, nice, etc., and yea, if a person is talking about me, I don't want them anyway...if they are gossiping about a worker behind his/her back, for sure they R gonna do it to me...So i give co-workers NOTHING to gossip about.....

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Tell them how it is making you feel and think and then ask them how they think you can stay out of it. See how that works. (((hugs))) smile

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

I can relate. I used to listen and engage, then I listened to be polite but it weighed me down. Then I learned that it isn't rude to nicely let people know that it (gossip) makes me feel uncomfortable and I'll change the topic rather than engage.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.