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Post Info TOPIC: After rehab.. Then what??


Senior Member

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After rehab.. Then what??


I need some advice about after your spouse leaves rehab what do u do? Do I let him move back in? Make him live elsewhere? i know we will need help and he is in the process of setting that all up. After 30 days clean how stable are they? Do I get a roommate to share my house and make him stay out at least a year? Any advice would be great! 



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~*Service Worker*~

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Probably the single most productive thing you can do is to find Al-Anon meetings and go to them for yourself.  That will help keep things healthy because the post-rehab period can be rough on everyone around.  And we all need recovery to deal with the insanity we've gone through with the drinker, whether or not he is sober or drinking.

One thing to realize is that most people do not stay sober after rehab.  This is sad but it is true.  So the question you might ask yourself is: what decisions would you make if you knew he were probably going to drink again?  Because it's helpful to be braced for that eventuality.  If he stays sober, he will be working his program hard, and that can be rough.  He won't be fully available for a mature relationship in these early days.  These early days can last 1-2 years.

With the help of a meeting and a sponsor and the tools of Al-Anon, you'll be best positioned to make protective choices and to maximize your chances of a healthy and good relationship.  Take good care of yourself.



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~*Service Worker*~

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I agree. Al Anon for you is the best choice. When he gets out he should be working his recovery program hard, and you should have one too. That's when I joined Al Anon - while AW was in rehab the seocond time, family sessions recommended Al Anon, and I am so happy I did that.

We also had a relapse plan, the rehab required it of us. We made it together. My wife was at probably 4 meetings a week when she first got out of rehab, which was a stress not only because she was gone a lot, but had no licenses, so I had to drive her much of the time until she built up a network that could take her. And even then I often had to take her, or at least take her to a staging point to meet a driver.

We also went to a family counselor together who was an experienced addictions counselor. That was a big help.

And keep coming back here!

Kenny

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~*Service Worker*~

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Hi Helpangel

Well in my case, my son started drinking 4 days after rehab and was no way stable, just dry. What it comes down to is what do you want? You have to make decisions for you and not for your AH and what is best for him.

One thing we are here for is to give you our ESH on whatever decisions you make for YOUR happiness.

As the old saying go's " They are going to drink or their not.....what are you going to do "

(((( hugs )))


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 Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth

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~*Service Worker*~

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Ditto Mattie. Go to alanon and focus on yourself. Alcoholics generally are not stable at all after just 30 days. Everything Mattie told you is spot on. Sometimes you can't "make" an alcoholic stay out of their own house so it's not always that easy. I don't know what to tell you because I'm not in your shoes and don't know the specifics. What I can tell you is that if he is not going to daily meetings and working with a sponsor after rehab, odds are high he will relapse. Most people do relapse after rehab simply because they fail to surrender to the AA program or the NA program of recovery (or SMART recovery or Celebrate recovery - there are alternate programs). Most alcoholic/addicts do not have the will power to do this on their own but they often think they do and the disease tells them they do also. Hence, if you are not seeing him working his butt off on recovery. Relapse is imminent. You don't need to do anything specific for him. This is his recovery and his journey apart from you. I do know that it's difficult to stand by and feel so helpless and powerless as his partner, but that is just how it is. This is why you need your own recovery in Alanon.

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~*Service Worker*~

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I agree with Mattie....he is high risk, just coming out of rehab....the best thing for you???  do you have any meets near you???? if not we have online ones here.....the focus needs to be on you....and detachment re: his what he is gonna do...I do hope he gets into AA immediately and finds a sponsor, bc he probably will relapse....a good alanon meet, getting with the older more experienced alanons , you can talk with them and get some tips on what they did when their AH got out of rehab.....

If the guy is legally entitled to live in the house, you can't toss him out, but I would leave him to his own devices and get hunkered down in alanon....i don't know the living dynamics of your situation,  but as the others here said...you need to get into the meets, find a sponsor, and lock into alanon and just focus on you...take care of you....forge a new life in alanon

even if he gets into AA and really works it, he is gonna need to "marry up" with the program for the first 18 to 24 months, anyway, just to get a sort of habit of healthy living and hes still high risk....he won't be much of a partner if he is working sincere program b/c he is gonna need to really work it to stay off the booze which will kill him if he does not arrest this.....so either way, you are facing a life of change....focusing on you and your care and your welfare...hanging out in alanon will help you get healthy within yourself and alanon will show you how to live your life and a good life, with or without his being close.......IN SUPPORT



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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!! 



Member

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My husband left rehab 8 months ago. He's home. We struggle. But we both have a program. I didn't submerge myself into mine as much as I should have. hat for me is starting now. I was still trying to control. I was trying to make the progress about "us." I'm failing. The truth is, life after rehab isn't any easier. In some respects, I think it's harder. Although I gain wonderful insight from going to meetings. I had procrastinated doing the steps. If I can offer any advice, don't do what I did. Get a sponsor and work the steps right away. I don't know where hat path leads, but waiting certainly has done me no good. Someone in one of my meetings shared a great way to think about it: "Recovery is like a heart-every couple has their base, but you have o grow apart to grow back together." Al Anon is great!

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