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Post Info TOPIC: I miss my drinking husband.


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I miss my drinking husband.


I have tried to google this but feel I'm the only one. My husband quit drinking last year. I never realized he had a problem. I knew he drank but he was a fun, happy drunk. Since he's been sober, he's more quiet, social anxiety more pronounced, and depressed. He is a wonderful man and great husband and father. But now that he's not drinking, it's limited our social activities because of his social anxiety and he can't be around people who drink. I now find him kinda boring and miss the fun, happy, loose guy from before. Will this feeling end? I still have drinks with friends (maybe once every other week or so, no more than 2 drinks or I just get sick or sleepy) but now he doesn't come. He can't go to parties or social events because of his social anxiety that he used to drink away. I am extremely extroverted and knew he was on the shy side but now that he's sober I didn't realize just how much of an introvert he is. I'm love him dearly but resent this change. He decided to stop drinking without including me in the process and sharing with me that he thought he had a problem. He would go to AA meetings in secret and I resent that he just suddenly decided to change our lifestyle. And now I feel like I have to get to know this stranger. We go to couples counseling which helps but I grieve the old life we had, all the fun things we did (we fell in love in grad school over drinks and going out) and miss the happier social person. 



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Welcome to MIP.  As a mother of an AS, the x wife of a deceased A, and a sister to several siblings all with this disease, I can say with all sincerity that you are blessed to have a husband who recognized he had a problem with alcohol and went for help before the disease progressed significantly to the stages that can include and are not limited to hallucinations, raging, violence, early morning rantings, seizures, multiple trips to detox, rehab and emergency rooms, jails or prisons.  I do suggest you consider attending Al-Anon meetings which can help you get through the feelings of loss you are currently experiencing because your husband can no longer be in the company of people who drink.  That can change in a few years, but until its no longer a trigger for him, being around alcohol or people who are drinking alcohol from what you've written is too much a temptation for him.  Al-Anon can help you in so many ways and I highly recommend its supportive environment for you especially with the knowledge that he is saving his life in AA and that will be his top priority for awhile.  The Al-Anon program for you will give you a place to vent and to listen to others who have been there or are still there.



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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig



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Thank you so much for your reply. I went to an al - anon meeting and I felt out of place. It was full of people who had horrible abusive alcoholics in their lives and they had severe trauma history. I felt like my piddly little sob story was lame compared to their issues and needs. Maybe it was just that one meeting, I don't know. I feel shame and guilt about how I feel. I know I should be happy and I am proud of him wanting to make that change. I still feel that resentment and missing the person he was (even though I know it's for the best).

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We suggest attending at least 6 meetings before you decide if Al-Anon is right for you.  We can feel out of place at first because it sounds like a foreign language sometimes when we first hear people speaking.  We have members whose spouses have stopped drinking and their sobriety has created changes for their spouses.  You are not alone.  There are others who have had those same experiences and have felt guilty and ashamed, too.  The meetings help a lot with that, too.



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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig



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Thanks so much for your advice.

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~*Service Worker*~

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(((thelady))) We understand. There is no experience, thought or feeling you've had that others in Al-Anon haven't had. Keep coming back, sister. We're here for you, too.

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig



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Dear Lady

I get what u say about hes a "stranger"  but this stranger , if he stays sober, stays in meetings and gets healthy will be able to grow into an old man one day, not dying a slow, horrible death....thank goodness he knew he had an addiction and did something about it...I applaud him...I respect him for doing it

I had TWO alcoholic husbands and even tho the first one was a jerk, anyway, the 2nd one, I could have stayed with, enjoyed life with, even if he was "quieter" or a "stranger" at first, he would be sane and alive...healthy and able.....i hope you hang out in the alanon meets and get to know the other folks in there..I am sure you are not alone in being a bit rattled by the change, but really...what is the alternative??? he goes back to drinking and "fun" and he sentences himself to a slow, painful, horrible death...I know..I saw my mother die from that stuff.....it aint pretty and the insanity and bleeding internally they do at the end???? raging, ranting, out of their minds,  their insides disolving????  I would not go through that again for anyone...

alanon meets and working the program will show you that sober is waaay more fun and less hazzardous to the health....the disease is progressive...sure he was "fun" back then, in the earlier stages,  but the fun would come to a stop and trust me, you wouldn't want to see your worst enemy, who is addicted, drinking....i used to drink...i stopped...i want my health and i was social, fun drinker...now i have just as much if not more b/c its real fun.....and my friendships and personal life in general isn't "seasoned" by this substance that is a mind altering substance.....

I do hope you give alanon a chance...thanks for sharing.......Peace



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Thanks for your perspective. I needed that.

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~*Service Worker*~

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Dear Lady Welcome,  I agree with all that has been shared and would just like to add that living with the disease of alcoholism affects everyone. AA is the recovery program for the person who drinks and alanon is the recovery program for family members.

Alcoholism is a dreadful, progressive, chronic, fatal disease that can be arrested but never cured. I am pleased that your husband is pursuing recovery in AA and is working on saving his life.

Alanon offers constructive tools to family members who feel lost because of the change in life style and who experience difficulty in relating to a newly sober person. It took me nearly 2 years to adjust to my husband once he gained sobriety --since I was so happy that he was sober it was well worth it
I urge you to search out alanon meetings and attend.  There is life after drinking



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

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I can totally relate! My AH has been sober for 7 years and I was just telling someone today that sometimes I miss being able to have a drink with him. My husband became active in AA but things got a lot worse for him before they got better. He went into a deep depression and pretty much checked out for about two years. Once he finally got a proper diagnosis and medication, he made it out of the depression and has maintained his sobriety. He used to be the life of the party and he had to figure out who he is without the alcohol.


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Your husband is newly sober.  A year isn't very long as compared to staying sober the rest of his life.  The first year is an incredible milestone and hugely celebrated in AA. I understand your disappointment about socializing but I applaud him for having the foresight to know he couldn't control his drinking and choosing to seek help. He realized it was a compulsion not an option. Whether he's a miserable drunk or the life of the party, the end is the same... death from drinking or illnesses caused by it or consequences of it.

If you like socializing, people in recovery often host parties.  I'm with someone sober and have really enjoyed going to parties at the homes of people in AA and also in Alanon.  People enjoy conversation, dancing, food, games, music, sports activities... the only thing missing is the booze. 

It is a different life to be with a sober alcoholic.  Alcoholism is a very serious illness that can be arrested but not cured. He may seem like fun today but with progression of the alcoholism, alcoholics become less and less fun very very physically and emotionally ill.

I hope you give Alanon another try.  Wishing you both the best with your recoveries.   TT 

 



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If he had anxiety so bad that he felt he had to drink to get through outings, parties and gathering....that is sad. Alcohol is not the proper medication to deal with that. I had to relearn how to be social in sobriety. I spent a little over a year avoiding parties and places with lots of alcohol or where drinking was the main focus. To me, getting together "for drinks" is about the silliest way to spend time with friends since it cost a ton of money, is bad for your health and everyone gets tipsy and some get plastered and you aren't really connecting. I suspect your husbands sobriety is cramping your style because now you also have to take a look at yourself, the ways you have "fun" and what you consider to be a fun and exciting lifestyle.

Some anxiety while learning to relate to people sober is normal for a newly sober person. If it is at the state of panic and his avoidance is not just due to not wanting to be around drinkers, he may need outside help. You also acted like his going to AA without your approval was a slight of some sort. Why should you be consulted about someone's choice to tend to their own health in positive ways? Do you expect your husband's permission to do things you need to do for your health?

I also suspect there is denial and enabling here because if you keep someone sick and doped up, you can mold them into whatever you want. They stay weak and you dominate them. Your husband now is free from booze to figure out who he really is. I do understand that is a scary proposition for you because who he really is as a more mature and sober person might not be someone compatible with you.

So alanon would help to address those fears. Also, everyone there is really connected because they all have wanted to change and focus on someone else to make themselves happy. You are doing just that as well....wanting him to change to suit you rather than work through his issues in a healthy way.

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Welcome to MIP,

It is all a process. To me it was like the grieving process.
Please check out at least 6 meetings and keep coming back.
Alanon is indeed for those that are affected by alcoholism. You have been affected. It is okay to feel baffled and confused.
Everyone has opinions and the option to take what you like and leave the rest is a favourite of mine.
This is your journey and you are not travelling it alone my friend.
I felt the separation anxiety as you are feeling right now. Learn as much as you can about alcoholism. Dive into some literature and give yourself a chance to wrap your head around everything that is changing. Right now knowledge is a friend that can help ease the transition.


In support

M


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hi, I knew my husband almost all my life. When we were married, he had years of being on strong recovery. Was a great husband, friend. Cool guy. but could be boring as heck.

Several times I thought I wish he would just get drunk and be fun. NOW i never told him or really meant it. but I do relate with you.

My grandparents were married over 70 years. Let me tell you we all go thru changes. That is part of life, that is the work we put in to keep our marriages going.

I don't relate to resenting since I know people change, they don't do it against anyone else. It was not personal. I always did stuff on week ends. He was like yours introverted. So I changed me. We stayed home and worked on our five

acre place together, held hands and watched movies, i compromised to be with the husband I adored. We were happy. he took me to the movies once, big mistake. lol he fell asleep and let out this huge snore! lol

his recovery was tunnel vision. he had to have a set routine to keep on his program. Even though he was in recovery, he needed to know where to get a drink if he had to have one. So going to the beach was a huge mistake. Beach house trip. was awful.

So I hope you can find compromises. Believe me it is no fun being alone, and the next one may really be worse.

Nothing like a man you have history with. If he loves you, wow hang on to him tight. hugs

 



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"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon



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Thanks for your input. You've made a few assumptions in your comment so I'll clarify. My husband is not "cramping my style" but I do miss the way he was more outgoing and and social. He's amazing that he allows me to do the things I want to do (which isn't always getting together for drinks), but I miss him at family or social events where there is alcohol. I just miss being able to spend the time with him we used to and it's been an adjustment on how to be social and be a couple with those changes. 
I'm his partner and it hurt that he was going to AA and didn't want me to be part of his recovery. He's often been the person to do things on his own, not realizing that I'm here to help, and I want to help. So if I had known, I would have supported him going to AA. We are not a couple who seeks each other's approval. We support the choices we make and try give each other input not permission. So it hurt that he felt he couldn't do that with me in this area. 
My husband is not a weak person. He's his own person. He has never been weak, even though sadly he sometimes feels that way about himself. I would never want to be with someone who I want to mold or I wouldn't have any respect for them as a partner. I don't want him to change to suit me. I am just grieving the loss and change. So thanks for adding on to the shame though.

 

pinkchip wrote:

If he had anxiety so bad that he felt he had to drink to get through outings, parties and gathering....that is sad. Alcohol is not the proper medication to deal with that. I had to relearn how to be social in sobriety. I spent a little over a year avoiding parties and places with lots of alcohol or where drinking was the main focus. To me, getting together "for drinks" is about the silliest way to spend time with friends since it cost a ton of money, is bad for your health and everyone gets tipsy and some get plastered and you aren't really connecting. I suspect your husbands sobriety is cramping your style because now you also have to take a look at yourself, the ways you have "fun" and what you consider to be a fun and exciting lifestyle.

Some anxiety while learning to relate to people sober is normal for a newly sober person. If it is at the state of panic and his avoidance is not just due to not wanting to be around drinkers, he may need outside help. You also acted like his going to AA without your approval was a slight of some sort. Why should you be consulted about someone's choice to tend to their own health in positive ways? Do you expect your husband's permission to do things you need to do for your health?

I also suspect there is denial and enabling here because if you keep someone sick and doped up, you can mold them into whatever you want. They stay weak and you dominate them. Your husband now is free from booze to figure out who he really is. I do understand that is a scary proposition for you because who he really is as a more mature and sober person might not be someone compatible with you.

So alanon would help to address those fears. Also, everyone there is really connected because they all have wanted to change and focus on someone else to make themselves happy. You are doing just that as well....wanting him to change to suit you rather than work through his issues in a healthy way.


 



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Thanks. Glad to hear it's a shared experience. It's nice to not feel alone. I'll get through it and this helps. 



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Thanks! Overall he is an awesome loving wonderful person. I know I'm lucky. Yes, marriage has it's compromises. I always tell him, "I'll keep trying as long as he keeps trying."



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Hi lady,

I like your points above. You are writing the reasons that we in Al Anon think it is important for us to have our own recovery system. People who understand us. While your husband is recovering, you can do some recovering yourself, spend the time apart learning about yourselves so that you are stronger together. That is what I have done with my recovering wife. In fact, there are a few AA meetings that have Al Anon meetings at the same time in the same building. We have gotten to know a few couples who are both going to meetings too.

I love the way you are saying "We support the choices we make and try give each other input not permission." That sounds like recovery talk right there. And my wife and I have become more and more like that as we both recover. Hopefully your husband can gain some more confidence in this area and you can get back to feeling like you give each other input.

Kenny



-- Edited by KennyFenderjazz on Wednesday 3rd of December 2014 08:31:13 PM

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Sorry TheLady - I think I over-Identified with your husband at the expense of you. I am in AA and went that route before coming here. Drinking caused much pain and turned me into an emotional invalid and I did go through a very awkward and scared and severely anxious phase for the first year. I was thinking about your husband and his fragile 1 year of sobriety and not even thinking what it must be like to be you. All your points are valid and I was making assumptions. I was also in a relationship with another alcoholic but I had to stop drinking and leave the relationship because the other person's desire to drink was never going to end (it seemed and is still that way from what I hear years later) and it was going to make me getting sober impossible for me. Just because you miss some elements of your previous lifestyle does not mean you were like my drunken qualifier who I had to leave just to get sober myself. I interjected my personal crap into the response upon reflection. I hope you do come back and keep sharing. And as long as I'm being honest, there were fun times drinking for me...it just turned into an absolute nightmare. Generally, I think you will find a lot of "anti-alcohol" folks in alanon just because of what it may have done to them and their loved ones. Sometimes I forget that normal drinking perfectly fine....for NORMAL drinkers....which I am not. I don't understand it, never will and that's why I am an alcoholic that had to get sober. So my judgments about normal drinking (1 or 2 drinks) really come from not understanding it at all since I could never do that. I also apologize for that.

I am so pro-AA and pro-Sobriety that I got blindsided and was absolutely not objective. I am sorry.

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I am sorry you experienced more shame and so glad you replied with clarification.  One of the pitfalls of communicating without visual cues is the missing of the non verbal cues and instant dialogue.  I understand the hurt you felt when your husband did not bring you into his world.  My husband does not share much.  Early in his recovery I felt left out, and, occasionally I still do.  It took us a few years to adjust to a new normal.  It sounds like you have a lot of love and respect for him and that will serve you well smile



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Paula



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Thanks for responding. I'm sorry for being curt. I appreciate what you've shared and your honesty. 
pinkchip wrote:

Sorry TheLady - I think I over-Identified with your husband at the expense of you. I am in AA and went that route before coming here. Drinking caused much pain and turned me into an emotional invalid and I did go through a very awkward and scared and severely anxious phase for the first year. I was thinking about your husband and his fragile 1 year of sobriety and not even thinking what it must be like to be you. All your points are valid and I was making assumptions. I was also in a relationship with another alcoholic but I had to stop drinking and leave the relationship because the other person's desire to drink was never going to end (it seemed and is still that way from what I hear years later) and it was going to make me getting sober impossible for me. Just because you miss some elements of your previous lifestyle does not mean you were like my drunken qualifier who I had to leave just to get sober myself. I interjected my personal crap into the response upon reflection. I hope you do come back and keep sharing. And as long as I'm being honest, there were fun times drinking for me...it just turned into an absolute nightmare. Generally, I think you will find a lot of "anti-alcohol" folks in alanon just because of what it may have done to them and their loved ones. Sometimes I forget that normal drinking perfectly fine....for NORMAL drinkers....which I am not. I don't understand it, never will and that's why I am an alcoholic that had to get sober. So my judgments about normal drinking (1 or 2 drinks) really come from not understanding it at all since I could never do that. I also apologize for that.

I am so pro-AA and pro-Sobriety that I got blindsided and was absolutely not objective. I am sorry.


 



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My boyfriend and i used to have a marvelous time 'letting loose', a change from the abusive ex i had. But it was drugs and alcohol, but for so long we maintained that despite my guilt for knowing we shouldn't be indulging, my only complaint was that we couldn't afford the lifestyle- $20 for the 3 days before payday was something i had thought i had left behind with my last addict boyfriend. And even when I put my foot down with the drugs, i told him i wouldn't be concerned about the drinking if it didn't lead to the drugs. We would have so much fun going out dancing; he taught my 4 year old to dance.... Unlike your situation, ours got out of control. He could no longer go a day without using, and even without drinking he would call his dealer

to the best of my knowledge, he very recently stopped drinking and using because i would no longer allow it in the house. I long for the carefree times we had, bonfires, laughter, dancing... he's currently bitter and angry, biding his time until he can move out. I wish there was another way, but for me and my kids i have to look at the seriousness of the situation over the fun we would have.

i guess that's not much help for you, perhaps i just need to share

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Thanks for sharing your story. 



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the last time we were going to go out to our regular bar for live music, he wasn't going to go, then he was but was going to drink na beer. I told him i was planning on virgin margaritas. as we were heading there he said he decided he would have a drink. I asked if he thought he could maintain with one or two drinks. That set him off and he went home. He doesn't like 'being under my thumb'. True to my word i had virgin margaritas, funny looks from bartenders but my tab was $0. Cheapest night at the bar to date! it would have been more fun if my dancing partner had been there with me and we had a couple, but its nice to know i am able to have a life without drinking, no matter how much or little i drank before

i understand A and users have a very hard time going to the usual spots, but i was hoping we could find a new life, new fun together. Guess not

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Aloha (((Lady))) welcome also from the Pacific.  Thanks for the share as it turns me back to face my own recovery in Al-Anon and AA from this disease I was born and raised in.  Understanding the chemical was important for me and once I did I understood more.  I came to understand it with attending college.  Alcohol is hugely powerful and is a mind and mood altering chemical.  It is also legal where other chemicals are not and so the social acceptance also became important for me to know.  Learning that it wasn't milk or diet pepsi or root beet had me looking further than a lot of other family and friends would and when I came to understand it became more than just okay for me to abstain even though I didn't think and was in fact told by my family of origin that I wasn't having a problem.  People who take up drinking alcohol almost never read the labels or look into what it is.  It is a chemical depressant and so while it seems to relieve social anxiety it will cause and contribute to depression.   There are so many suicides caused by just the chemical itself with only one reason being that it will create or alter the perception that life is okay and worth living and then add hallucinations and blackouts and dementia and many more problems like cancers and such over time.  The fun part is early while the tragedies grow over time until insanity and death arrive.

Denial of the family also makes it worse as I know from experience.  My family never ever liked the "A" word and they still don't feel good about me being sober and not hanging out in drinking situations.  Not my problem...I'm on borrowed time cause alcohol should have claimed me a long time ago while the family was wanting me to drink with them.  Also my last wife was alcoholic/addict and I didn't want her to be one too.  She was in AA and asked my feedback on whether she was an alcoholic or not and I told her no.  As the program promises I sent her back out again and anything we had left as far as family and material stuff ended like it was predicted.  The AMA definition of alcoholism says that it can never be cured only arrested by total abstinence...This is a lifetime progressive disease and if not arrested will result in insanity and death.  I've seen more than enough of both of those in my lifetime which includes time as a therapist in the recovery industry.

Can you have the fun without the chemical?  Being fun loving has or should have nothing to do with chemical altering of mind and mood.  Today I have much more legitimate fun without alcohol than when I use to drink.  I never have hangovers, blackouts, red outs, hallucinations or chemical dementia anymore plus a lot of other sober stuff that normal people have and do.

Will your husband feel resistant to having you attend open AA meetings with or without him?  That is a great source of information.  Al-Anon is for me the greatest source for change.

Go read the label on a booze bottle and if there is any warning at all I'll bet it is for pregnant women only...if they attached a warning label to each bottle the book would be larger than the bottle itself.   Keep coming back.   ((((hugs))))  smile



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Thank you!



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I know this post is from years ago, but I was hoping that TheLady would be willing to update me on her situation? I am in a similar situation. My boyfriend of 7 or 8 years now is in therapy and AA. He was sober for the last two years, and while I still miss him coming with me to parties & stuff like that, I know his sobriety is for the best. We were engaged 4 years ago & that's when his drinking got out of control. I called off the wedding, kicked him out. He sobered up eventually & moved back in. Two months ago he relapsed. After two years sober. I was just coming to grips with the fact that I would never have a patio drink with my best friend again. That he would never want to go to a friends party again. But now I can't have alcohol in the house? Now I have to tell my family & friends that if they're planning on drinking on their vacation that they're going to need a hotel room even though I have a guest room? Now I don't trust him. Again. I guess I'm hoping to hear it gets better, or easier. That these feelings of hurt and loss and rage and abandonment go away eventually. And for good this time. I miss my partner.

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Hello TheGirlfriend,

Welcome to MIP!

I hadn't read this thread before and yet I too can relate to what thelady describes. I think that any change takes adjustment on both sides in a relationship. I'm sorry that your boyfriend had a relapse, I had a similar situation recently when it became clear that my husband had relapsed after three years sober. I had thought that if this happened I would be distraught and furious but I'm surprised to find that I just feel sad. I think that I now place less importance on what my husband is doing and have learnt to trust myself more (I don't trust him much though!). When my husband stopped drinking he was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and so life was not much fun as a couple then either.

It sounds like it has been a roller-coaster for you and I am sorry that your trust has been broken a second time. I think that things do get better and I came to replace my feelings of hurt by creating and shaping my days so that I can do things that I enjoy or that boost my self-esteem in positive ways.

This is a great place to learn, and Al Anon face to face meetings are great places to experience different ways of being.

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Welcome Lady. When my wife told me she was an alcoholic I didn't believe her. She pretty much had to convince me. After that I became very angry and then started going to Al-Anon. She was behaving differently and going to meetings all the time. It was an unwelcome change. I had never viewed her drinking as a problem but definitely felt her sobriety was a problem in some ways. 

I too haven't heard any others say this and have felt alone in this regard. I've felt like I must be even more messed up than my A to be so upset after she stopped. Most people I've met had been going crazy wishing their loved one would quit drinking. But, I think this also highlights just how much the disease of alcoholism can twist and manipulate everyone's thoughts and perceptions. It is impossible to live with an alcoholic and not be affected. I highly recommend going to some meetings. 



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Thanks, both of you, for replying! Unfortunately, I don't think I will be going to any meetings in person, but just anonymously getting this out there has be very therapeutic. I don't feel better persay, maybe more numb? I will take your advice: start doing things for me, and stop dwelling on his issues. That seems to be his course of action. It just feels strange...that we were a team, and now we're glorified roommates. Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks & that this is an amazing website to find in my time of need! I can't talk to my boyfriend because he's in defensive victim mode. I can't talk to my friends & family because they give the default "leave him, you can do so much better" (not helpful) responses. I can't go to meetings because I have a hard time opening up to people I've known for years, let alone a room full of strangers who I could run into grocery shopping the next day. I'm rambling again. But, seriously, thank you guys

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You are welcome TheGirlfriend

I'm familiar with that 'defensive victim mode' and I have found that it can leave me feeling stressed and burnt out. Sometimes I wonder who will look after me if I need help, which gets me into my own pity pot and this is one of the important reasons why I try to gift myself regular treats. When I start to feel sorry for myself I'm on a downward slope - I need something to feel grateful for every day if possible, even if it is just a bubble bath. That is my medicine!!

Learning how to step aside when my husband is trying to off-load his stress is an on-going lesson for me. I can not change his view of the world, that is his job if he is willing to accept it, but I have learnt to tell him that I'm getting stressed out by all the negativity and to ask for some down time for myself.

Also, I think that it is helpful to remind myself that we have the right to live our own lives and to work out where we are happy to compromise and where we need to simply continue being ourselves, otherwise I found that I could become resentful - not a pretty sight!!

I'm a big fan of rambling! ((((hugs))))

PS . There are regular anonymous, online meetings here at MIP if you ever feel the need - there is a link in the yellow box at the top left hand corner - you should see a schedule there as well.

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Senior Member

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It is an adjustment for both the spouse and the A. When my husband became sober we stopped socializing as much. He has now been sober more than 2 years so is more comfortable going out to dinner with friends who drink or going to parties. Like many have said, I would try a few more face-to-face meetings. Please don't feel ashamed for your feelings. I am sure there are others in the meeting who will be able to relate.

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Newbie

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Milkwood! Oh my gosh!! I have that same thought!! When he first went back to rehab (a month ago now) I thought I was pregnant! I was horrified. I'm sure the only reason I was late was the stress I was under, but I spent the whole week thinking "there is no way I will be able to raise a child alone, and raising a child with him?! It will be harder than being on my own!" Thankfully, I was not pregnant, but it made me think "what would happen if I got sick? What would happen if I couldn't work? I'd lose my house! What about the dogs?" And those thoughts made me sick with anxiety. Now, I pride myself on being an independent woman & you're right: Worrying about that stuff is pointless. If those things happen, I will handle it. But (thankfully) they haven't happened yet, so why waste my time griping about it? Also, I will look into the online meeting for sure! Thank you for all your help, guys! Maybe baby steps I'll eventually go to a meeting in person. I'm not ashamed of my feelings so much as that's just how I was raised...once a friend of mine tried to hug my mom & her reaction was the funniest thing I've ever seen (shock, poorly hidden disgust, her whole body went rigid). Maybe when I have more control over my emotions about this I will go to a meeting. This is the first reply I've written where I wasn't crying the whole time...I won't be doing that in public hahah I can't thank you guys enough. You've made me feel so much better.

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~*Service Worker*~

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I cried too when I first found this magical place - I think it was tears of acceptance and recognition and also relief that there were others out there who understood. I'm glad you're feeling the magic, perhaps it was you that done it though? You tried something new, reached out, and I'm so very happy that you're here. ((((hugs))))

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