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Post Info TOPIC: Gaming addiction


Senior Member

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Posts: 326
Date:
Gaming addiction


happy thanksgiving ;) it's been a while since I have posted here.  I need some esh. I live with my sig other and his 17 year old stepson. The 17 year old young man has a serious gaming addiction. He often times misses school because of his gaming addiction. His father recently started taking the modem on school nights that's helped a lot, but he stays up all night on the Weekends so he is still on that all night sleep schedule. I work a pretty good program, do at least three meetings a week, steps, reach out, and pray and meditate. I stay out of their business, if he doesn't go to school I say nothing it's not my business. My problem is with the yelling, screaming and cursing that goes on when he's playing these games. As a adult child its a trigger, my father was a loud man, a rager and at times violent. It's been discussed again and again between the two of them. I do my best to stay out of their business. There is change for two weeks then the young man reverts back to old behaviors. Last night he was screaming and yelling. I asked my partner to please ask him to be quiet. He went down there told him to shut up or he was disconnecting it. The boy hollered out he didn't care. So my partner got angry and disconnected it. The boy then flew into a rage slamming doors and yelling cursing. Flipped out on my partner. My partner gave it back,telling him that if he was loud anyore he would take it. He continued to slam doors so my partner went down again and told him to stop, he also checked to see if there were any damages. Things calmed down after that. I calmly told my partner I don't want to live this way anymore. I want my home to be a place of serenity and peace. I get a little compulsive when stressed, so I told him three times. Calmly though. I then went upstairs and called a program friend. Talked a bit, calmed down and went to bed. I meditated on the slogan one day at a time. I slept pretty good considering. After praying and this morning, some solutions have popped into my mind. I shared them with my partner. I am tired of the same old insanity repeating itself. I have choices. The Internet is in my name. I can call and turn it off. Going forward, if he starts in yelling in a few weeks, I can tell my partner this is it. One more chance and I'm calling cox cable and turning it off. I can live without it. If he retaliated by damaging my home, I can call this parent help line here in nebraska and they will send out a police officer and a counselor To access the damage and see how they can intervene. I've ran it by a couple of local friends. I can tend to project, another one of my defects of character, so today my thinking is not in today. initially I had planned on telling him that I can't afford it, because he will likely retaliate. In some ways I cant afford it. So it wouldn't necessarily be a lie, but it would be a half truth. She told me I shoud tell him the truth. The reasons why I am turning it off. I want to set the boundaries as gently as possible. hoping if he thinks I can't afford it perhaps he will take it to his moms and see if he can behave this way at their home.I am looking for a little feedback brainstorming here on line. I had no idea how strong the addiction was until I saw him last night. The raging was insane. I've been around a lot of addicts and have not seen that for a long time. Your esh? Please help. 



-- Edited by karma13 on Thursday 27th of November 2014 12:33:33 PM

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I needed these behaviors in my past they helped me survive I'm finding new and better ways to not just survive but thrive 



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 7576
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Although my brothers weren't gamers, when they got to 16 or 17 yo, most all 7 challenged my Dad in one way or another. Almost all 8 of them were athletes with football and wrestling being their main sports.  I'm not sure this isn't part of an older man and a younger man making necessary changes to their relationship in some pretty challenging ways. I can remember standing in the kitchen when one of my brothers challenged my Dad. They started with a little "playful" wrestling that turned into something more than playful. I warned that I'd "tell Mom" if they didn't stop fighting. They didn't stop fighting until they were ready. I didn't tell Mom. Something told me to stay out of it. I'm wondering if some of the men on our board have some insights into this? I don't know that the surface "gaming" is the issue although I can certainly understand you not wanting to listen to the posturing and the thumping on the chests of each male in the ways they know how to do it. Both might also benefit with son and father counseling to find better ways to navigate this "coming of age" time in their lives?



-- Edited by grateful2be on Thursday 27th of November 2014 12:42:27 PM



-- Edited by grateful2be on Thursday 27th of November 2014 12:53:51 PM

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Veteran Member

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Posts: 25
Date:

Hi Karma

First... Happy Thanksgiving.  I hope you have a great holiday.  It sounds like you're using lots of great Alanon tools.  I think it's good detachmenet that you're choosing to stay out of their verbal exchanges.  I understand about those acoa triggers. I'm affected too. You have a right to feeling safe and comfortable in your own home. To thine own self be true comes to mind. 

I don't see you projecting like you stated in your post. I see that as thoughtful consideration of what's happening and trying to make a plan based on the facts of what you're seeing and hearing from his son and his father and your own feelings.  This is kind of where the rubber meets the road for me.. these situations where I have choices that involve working my recovery to honor myself first regardless of how that's received by others.  You're paying for the internet... your money, your choice.  Boundaries are extremely hard to set with active people.  He's steeped in his addiction and is going to forget or only be able to do what you ask for a short time like you mentioned in your post.  For me that would mean having compassion for his at the price of my discomfort.  That's not doable for me because I'm then people pleasing... putting someone's disease or "unhealthy needs" in front of my own well-being.

You sound like you're ready for a change concerning this situation.  If you're a bit fearful it's understandable. Maybe you need a little more time to know what feels right to do.  You know Karma there's the program answer and there's the what you can or want to live with answer.  The choices aren't right or wrong.  You'll do whatever will work for you and your living situation. Here you'll be loved and supported whatever you choose. Wishing you the best.  ((((hugs)))  T

 



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Senior Member

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Posts: 326
Date:

thankyou grateful to be growing up with my brother out of the house I had never thought of this. I love all the perspective and insight I get in alanon. I would welcome any mens insight on the board. As for the counseling I wish they would but it's kind of up to them. I had never thought it could be the young man coming of age.



-- Edited by karma13 on Thursday 27th of November 2014 01:47:04 PM

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I needed these behaviors in my past they helped me survive I'm finding new and better ways to not just survive but thrive 



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3026
Date:

You don't have to disconnect the internet because of his gambling....just block the sites he uses through the modem. That would be my boundary because of all the conflicts in the home. As you know you both can't make him stop his addiction...only he can, but you can still set boundaries in your home.

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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 3968
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When my daughter is watching a movie on Netflix and her homework isn't done I ask her once to get to it and in 15 minutes she hasn't done what I ask I disconnect the modem myself. It works everytime and I enjoy her downstairs with me and it brings her down where I can see and talk to her. My exAH used to game a lot and it was part of his needing to be distracted and his isms, but when I could get him upstairs and into family time it was good for all of us. Sending you love and support on your journey!

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" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

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Senior Member

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Posts: 375
Date:

K, please go online and google "game addiction" there are many sights and some help out there.

lsc



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