The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My daughter is home this weekend for Thanksgiving. She told me some really sad things about her roomate and her ex boyfriend. Her roommate started college right after her dad was paralyzed in a motorcycle accident. Her cousin also committed suicide before she left. How awful. But how strong she is to be able to continue with her college dream.
My daughter broke up with her boyfriend right after she left for college. He recently quit his job, quit going to the local college and is now doing drugs. I am very sad about this. i am hoping he doesn't continue down this path. He told her he was really upset after they broke up. I am reminding her that it isn't her fault he is doing drugs. A student at her college also committed suicide a few weeks ago, he jumped off a building. All of these things make my heart heavy. I am worried about my daughter. But I know she is headed in the right direction...and I hope she continues to do the right thing.
My best friend is also struggling with her son. He is not doing well mentally.
Right now I am so thankful my children are doing well. They are healthy and strong. They are doing the right thing in spite of the chaos I have brought to their lives with 2 divorces. Kids go through so much these days. I worry about them all.
Yes they do and gratefully the same program that saved my life is available to them and all I have to do is point the way. Good that you can feel the thankful with the sad huh? (((hugs)))
NLG - I love your compassion, but try not to take on excessive worry and guilt that don't belong to you. Your daughter has a higher power and all the stuff she is talking about...well that is adult drama that usually you start experiencing for the first time at her age and it sounds like she's negotiating it all well. You have done well as her mom.
The way you rip your self without even thinking about it for "bringing 2 chaotic divorces" into your kids' lives makes me sad for you. Remember, there was a dysfunctional husband and a relationship dynamic not working in both those relationships. Yes, some were your choices but much of it was also your husbands' choices and just the relationships in general. "Sh@t Happens." For all you know you taught them great lessons about starting over and ending relationships that are becoming damaging to them.
Happy to see part of your gratitude list for today. Perhaps an assets list would be helpful, too? When I was divorced, research showed me that although a two parent family was the ideal in the US, it wasn't the reality. More children were raised in single parent families (mostly due to war and illness) than in two parent families.
My Dad and his sibs were raised by a single Mom during the depression after divorcing her cheating and probably alcoholic husband so that she could keep her job in a glass factory where my Dad's dad worked, too. All 5 of those children went on to run their own businesses, get teaching degrees or become top salesmen in their field. My grandmother wasn't one to put herself down for doing what she needed to do to take care of herself and her children.
Although I'm not in favor of divorce, I don't think we do our kids any favor by putting ourselves down for doing what sanity leads us to do. Marriages fail. People get sick. People die. It's a part of life. Your daughters are not products of divorce. They are strong women in the making who have a Mom who cares about them and about herself and is willing to take risks in love. There are no guarantees to anything in life - most especially love. You tried. It worked until it didn't work. You see that it isn't working. You're moving on. Looks like healthy modeling to me and something you could put on your assets list for today if you choose? You could be fighting, pleading, begging, lecturing and demanding change from the A today. You're not doing that. That's good modeling, too. You are a good teacher for your daughters who will also try in love and in life. Some things will work. Some things won't work. When they don't work, they'll have the modeling of their Mom who didn't give up, didn't get into bed with the vapors, didn't sit in a chair somewhere smoking weed or drinking herself to sleep every night, didn't drag men in and out of their lives who didn't mean anything to her and could admit she wasn't perfect but she was real.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Thursday 27th of November 2014 06:22:00 PM
