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I am feeling sad and stressed this thanksgiving.It just kind of hit me today!Besides ending my relationship,I have other things going on in my life.This year is completely different from previous years.It is just my youngest daughter and I this year.Oh, I have 3 other kids,they are grown,and have kids of their own.My oldest son lives in another state,But my other 2 are close by.But they are angry with me and we haven't spoken in months.Basically,they are from my first marriage,was it healthy,no,I divorced him and they are still pretty upset about it,No, it is more than that they play the victim card on me,I am talking about my oldest daughter.She will not let up,I have been attacked,harassed and other things.But I finally took a stand on a serious family situation,basically,my parents are in a nursing home and a family member was supposed to be paying the nursing home bill every month,well it turns out the bill was 4000.00 behind!!Needless to say,I was very upset,Regardless of my relationship with my parents that is their home now and the money is for that.Well I went to my father and told him what was going on,I thought he needed to know so he could take appropriate action.I left it up to him.Well since then the family has all taken sides and I was called a crazy b*** on facebook!There is one family member in particular that keeps a lot of drama going,He is a very angry man,He is my daughters husband and he has affected my relationship with my daughter,well he is a big spender and they are the ones who spent the money.It brakes my heart to see my daughter make decisions because she is under this man's thumb.Even though I did the right thing it is painful to not have the family together.I have talked to my therapist about this and right now I am working on getting stronger so I will no longer tolerate emotional abuse from any family members!Still it is hard to separate myself from them.
-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 26th of November 2014 01:54:43 PM
Sending you tons of support and understanding. There is nothing you can do about everybody else's thoughts, feelings or behaviors and there is something you can do about your own. Coming here to share can help you change what you can to help yourself get through some challenges in healthy ways.
Hi Mary, the Holiday Season certainly does bring up the best and worst of my family history. There is a reading in the ODA T that states many of us did not realize how much we needed a huge change in our lives until disaster hits and we must find a new way. I do believe that to be true in my life and my family.
As has been said, we are powerless over others and that it is important to keep the focus on ourselves, live in the moment and in the day and leave the past in the past.
There will be a time to reflect on the past, when you're working your fourth step with your sponsor. At that point you can look at your part in the family dynamics objectively and possibly develop a plan to make amends if necessary. Growth in recovery is a process and accepting life on life's terms works very well.
Al-Anon is called; "Al-Anon Family groups" for a reason. It is here that we develop connections and support from strangers who honestly and willingly provide the empathy, love, compassion and understanding that we need and that was lacking in our family. This is what we have been missing for so long and what will affect our recovery. . Search out meetings keep coming back here and know that all of life is change and that your growth in recovery will keep on as long as you keep coming back
Aloha Mary what Betty said, "Al-Anon is called; "Al-Anon Family groups" for a reason. It is here that we develop connections and support from strangers who honestly and willingly provide the empathy, love, compassion and understanding that we need and that was lacking in our family. This is what we have been missing for so long and what will affect our recovery. . Search out meetings keep coming back here and know that all of life is change and that your growth in recovery will keep on as long as you keep coming back" was very important for me when I first arrived at the doors of Al-Anon and it still is.
My family of origin was as invested in the insanity as I was. We were all crazy and when I came to understand that it was and still is my choice on what side of sanity I would stand the Family Groups became my family. I was told by my sponsor that I was to separate from "ALL THINGS" alcohol and that including my alcoholic/addict wife and my deeply negatively affected family of "no" choice. It is in the Al-Anon Family Groups that I get solutions for making my life saner and better and solutions about how to get out of the way and stay out of the way of the insanity.
Please keep coming back to your family here. There is no law that says you have to unwillingly accept the insanity and abuse that others convince themselves that they must treat you with. I thought there was ...there isn't. (((((hugs)))))
I can relate to your share here, my blood family is broken and my ex in-laws and exAH's relationship was broken with the divorce, so it's my 2 kids and I. I have made a new family of al-anon, church and nursing school friends that are like family to me. The past few years I have spent many celebrations with them and it truly felt healthier and better to me, because we know how to appreciate each other. We are here for you and for me time healed a lot of my feelings as did al-anon and working my program. I know Thanksgiving and Christmas for me in the past have been lonesome especially since I was alone for a couple of them with my kids going to see their grandparents and dad, I went with them last year which was just awkward, but I tried it. My girls will head up here soon to their dads and I am okay with it and I am making a 20 pound turkey for my boyfriend and I and we will have plenty of leftovers for turkey casserole and soup for when my girls come back. My life isn't story book, but it works and I have found a way to be serene in the midst of it. I am getting a pedicure tonight when the kids leave once I am alone and going to take a bubble bath. Focusing on what I can do to keep the focus on me and my recovery helps. Sending you love and support on your journey!
-- Edited by Breakingfree on Thursday 27th of November 2014 10:09:10 AM
__________________
Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
oh, thank you all so much.I haven't really shared much about my family before,and yes there is a lot of craziness.I thought maybe I was the only one who had the problems with the extended family.Well my first husband grew up in an alcohol ridden family so I guess it isn't surprising.
By the way my teenage daughter is a joy!Very loving and she loves me unconditionally,I have mostly raised her by myself so I guess that counts for something.
Mary, I think you are brave,honest,strong,down to earth, and I would be proud to call you friend of mine. Many hugs of support for your act of courage. Sorry about the daughter,husband thing. (())
