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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> another crisis
Post Info TOPIC: another crisis
el-cee


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another crisis
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My son has been doing great recently, a job, home with girlfriend, still drinking but no drama for a while until this weekend. Drama came again and it seems so unfair. I want a break, I got a break, he got a break, we all did, from the drama but while alcohol is still there alive and kicking the drama is only around the corner. 

I have some faith now, that a crisis is the step closer to the truth for my son, or is it? I didnt see the truth until my life fell apart completely. He might have a long way to go or he might never get there. Maybe he has more of a chance, both parents are in the fellowship.

Im so sad, is alcoholism not going to let him have happiness? Its impossible. Hapoiness and alcoholism dont exist. So right now, his job is at risk and if he loses it then I dont know how far he will sink and in turn, how far the rest of us will go down with him. im praying and tuning in to my program and my higher power. Whatever happens will be for the best in the long run even if I cant see it.



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PP


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I am sorry elcee, gosh it is hard to watch our loved ones mess up.  Wrap that soft warm God blanket around him and you. (((Elcee)))



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Paula
Cathyinaz


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how far the rest of us will go down with him.

I hope you don't go down that road because you and I both know it won't do any good for both of you. It's time to use everything you have learned and keep a healthy distance for his own good in the long run. That is what real love is.....to do nothing and let him feel it all good or bad.

((( hugs )))

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hotrod


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LC I am sorry that this new problem has surfaced for your son. Please keep using your program , do not project and keep living ODAT.
Prayers and positive thoughts on the way.

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
pinkchip


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Yeah...It's going to take some serious detachment. He is what? 20? 21? Very few people want to accept they are an alcoholic for real at that age. They need to start having more consequences. Does he believe his father is an alcoholic? That it's hugely genetic?

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grateful2be


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I understand how powerless we are to effect our children's disease and how helpful this program can be to us as we continue to do for ourselves what we cannot do for them. Prayers for all, elcee. Easy does it and be gentle with yourself both come to mind for me this morning.

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Fairlee


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So sorry to hear this - praying all goes well and ends up for the best for all of you.

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pinkchip


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Also- Prior to getting sober - if I lost a job from drinking, I would probably get a new one and say "That company was a bunch of A-holes so I quit!" And the cycle would continue. So drop expectations. You can make comments if you want about it being related to alcoholism, but it will fall on deaf ears until he's ready to have a teachable moment and then follow through on recovery of some sort. Also, since his dad is finally sober (albeit a jerk maybe), he may be in a better spot in some ways to help him when the time comes and that is ok right?

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cloudyskies


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el-cee, I'm so sorry. Lean on your program. You have the tools. Trust the program. Let go and let God. Please know I'm praying for you and your family.

((el-cee))



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Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold  O-on  P-pain E-ends

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milkwood


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(((((El-cee)))))

I can't imagine how difficult it is to be helpless as your son stumbles but I do trust in your powers and the tools that I see you using. Stay well friend and may your own life continue to flourish. You are in my prayers.

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el-cee


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Thank you everyone, its been a comfort to know your here. Not sure this crisis is over, just for today it may be but it hit me that this may be what my sons life may be made up of, crisis after crisis. I dont know. Its been a while since ive felt that pain, you know the one that sits in your stomach, its surreal, then I look at people with this weird envy, thinking, they are just normal, not feeling this feeling, have they ever? Im going to phone my sponsor, do a bit reading.

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Debilyn


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I invite you to get back to one day at a time! We don't know if they will always be miserable or every happy. We don't know about it with anyones life.

I am in pain a lot. Just part of my life. Sometimes I think, is this going to get worse as I get older? then I grab my bum and pull me back into today.

My son has his ups and down, I could worry about him too. But I have faith he will be ok, and he usually is. Being a parent, a good one, we have to fight to remember to concentrate on ourselves and allow them the dignity to live their own lives.

Just sorta felt like I wanted to bring you back to today, just now, this minute. hugs, debilyn



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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Breakingfree


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Wrapping you up in hugs ((((((((((EL-CEE))))))))) Sending you love and support my dear friend!

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

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neshema2


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So sorry, LC----being a mom of an alcoholic has to be the toughest challenge.....hang in there and please keep coming back......sending you peace and happy thoughts



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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!! 
bud


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this is such a horrible disease- we don't know what we don't know, so take things ODAT and keep taking good care of yourself. sending prayers

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SunshineGirl


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(((el-cee)))

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grateful2be


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Hope today is a better day for you, elcee.

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
WorkingThroughIt


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Hello el-cee

I know what it's like waiting for the other shoe to drop.
My experience is at least we're not in denial and can feel that fear, some people just stop giving a darn and succumb to it as "normal".
Then the 2nd half is we don't have to get sucked into other people's vortexes of insanity
We can let go and hand them over and pray for them

Wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving

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el-cee


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Thanks everyone, again. Thanks working, hope your well.
Its funny, I found myself laughing away today at something and then I had this thought like, what are you laughing at your supposed to be upset. Then I thought no way, im allowed to feel happy no matter what happens, im allowed. Thanks alanon.x

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Jerry F


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No problem girl...you know it and know that you know it.  Your program works and you work it.  For us after learning the how we get to decide what happens and for how long and how much because the outcome is about our own peace of mind and serenity.  We are powerless and no longer want the unmanageability.  Last weekends Thanksgiving family dinner and my addicted son wasn't here.  We didn't want him here so HP and my wife and I were all on the same page and the dinner and day came out peacefully and lovingly as all of us desired.  There is no law that says we have to live in the insanity.  I haven't found one and so I don't anymore.   At one time I did think and act like I was supposed to be in it, around it, trying to control it, fix it...make it come out right and I always sucked ant it and therefore failed at it.  Who knew that I was to admit I was powerless over it over and over and over and over.  Best first step I've ever taken in my life.     Keep coming back you're doing great.   ((((hugs)))) smile



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