The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi, I haven't post much lately. Been busy making my life the way I want and recovering.
My daughter has been up and down. She was unhappy today because she spent Sat with her dad and grandparents, slept over and had to come in the morning. I have no complaints about ex, he has been having contact with her, looking after her properly and improving in communication. But the time she spends with him is just to relax and have fun. They go shopping/cinema, watch dvd and programmeswell nothing really changed a part that he is making an effort to go out with her and do stuff.I am still the one who get her up and ready to school every morning/ make sure she is doing homework/ following rules like limited TV and games and early bed timeI guess this shows more now that her dad is not living here.
I made a big decision today of giving up my Sunday job. Yes the money will be missed, but I wasn't charging a fair price anyway, far too cheap for a Sunday and I was really unhappy and resentful with the fact I didn't have my Sundays free. My client's mum is coming to spend a few months with her so she can manage without me until she finds a new job so I am not letting anyone down by taking this decision. But I was letting my daughter down because I couldn't be there for her 100%, having to look after a younger kid and making her share all of her things even on a Sunday (she already has to do it Mon~Fri and sometimes Sat), I was letting myself down too since it was making me unhappyto be honest I could be doing a much better job if I was happy, so I was letting the kid down too. I know this was the best decision, but I still feel strange. I think I may have some martyr tendencies.
I asked my landlord yesterday to come over to collect some letters and have a look at the heating, it is not working properly. He couldn't come over on the weekend but he promised he will do during the week. Today there is not hot water. I am freaking out, I need hot water. I managed to heat some water in the kitchen and transfer to the bath so my daughter has a lukewarm bath and washed her hair after swimming but I will need hot water tomorrow to have a shower and wash my hair and go to work. There is no way I can go out without washing my hair. I am wishing for a miracle to happen and to have hot water tomorrow (it has happened before), otherwise I will have a really bad day. I am so grateful for my hot shower every time I have one, I really am. A hot shower is one of the things that gives me immense pleasure. Ex know how to fix this problem, he told me what to do and I did many times without success. I nearly panicked and asked him to come over. Glad I didn't. I will appeal to the LL to come tomorrow and do whatever it takes to fix both water and heater. The rent has always been paid on time and it isn't cheap.
At least I have a roof and a nice comfy bed and food and internet.
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Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.
Glad to see you are willing to make a gratitude list even on days things aren't ideal. Making the choice to set aside at least one day a week or weekend to be yours and your daughter's only - smile, smile, smile. As far as the martyr tendencies - well, if you chose to take a poll asking if any of us have dealt with that one - mine would be one of the first hands up!
Thanks Grateful.
Actually I forgot to write on the 1st post why I wanted to write this thread: tonight daughter wanted to talk to her dad so I txt him asking him to call her when he can. He called and they spoke and she was crying on the phone because she was missing him. Afterwards we were talking and she said she needed to see a doctor to make her feel better. I asked her if she wanted to see the therapist and she said "no because the therapist doesn't have any medicine to make her feel better" I then said that there is no medicine to make her pain go away, she just need to try and be strong and keep focusing on all the good things in her lifethen she said she wished she could take a medicine to make her feel better and the pain go away
My heart sank. Obviously it could be just a child's point of view. I remember even as a adult wanting to take a medicine to make the pain go away. But with the history of addiction in the families I go straight into paranoia mode.
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Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.
Luiza, I hope your LL gets your heating and hot water repaired. Maybe if you told him a portion of the rent will need to be deducted for every day you do not have heat and hot water would prompt him to make the repairs quicker. I'm like you, as I find a hot shower very relaxing. I do a lot of talking and praying to my HP in the shower. It's kind of my refuge.
I am so sorry your daughter is having a hard time. Bless her heart.
I'm praying for you both.
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Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold O-on P-pain E-ends
I woke up yesterday and was really fed up with feeling sorry for myself so went and had a freezing cold shower and even washed my hair!
I can't quite believed I have done it, I always refused to have cold showers in hot Brazil and here I am having one, first thing in the morning in cold England...
It wasn't as bad as I thought and the feeling of being fresh and clean/nice hair is very satisfying for me. Went to work so happy with myself!
LL came in the evening and fixed the boiler and the radiator so all is working fine now. I am grateful for having heating and hot water and I know that many people is not as lucky as I am so thank you HP.
Daughter asked the LL if we could have a cat and he said 'yes! go for it!..so now she wants a cat. Would be nice to have a pet and I love cats but I am not sure. We live in this small apartment, I need to sort out where to put cat litter. And what to do with the cat when we decide to travel.
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Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.
You handled the hot water issue well! You sound happy and strong. Sounds like it was a good choice for you to quit the Sunday job. Sometimes money isn't worth the trouble. We have a very small apartment too. We manage to have a small dog, a guinea pig and a fish. It will work out for you.
