it just keeps circling back - Al-Anon Family Group

Cooper · Veteran Member

it just keeps circling back

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Cooper))) I am so very sorry to read of this terrible loss. I do understand the " irreplaceable treasure" that has been taken and know how hard this is .Alcoholism is a dreadful disease and I will hold you and your family in my prayers

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Even if he didn't hear you - you heard you. It is a huge loss both because those coins meant a great deal to you and because it was your even greater treasure - your son - who stole them from you. I think it is a very good thing that you are not minimizing for yourself these big deal losses and are seeking help for yourself. I'm also wondering if you've thought about a consequence that he is going to experience due to this theft and how you might follow through on it? If he's stealing from you, he is also stealing from others. My kids got to a place where what I said and how I felt really didn't matter. What I did mattered. My son is not allowed in my home for several years and won't be until he gets himself into a recovery program and works it in earnest. He has mourned the changes this consequence has meant - no family holiday gatherings for him, no birthday celebrations here for him, no bringing any friends he has to my house to meet me for him. Of course, the disease doesn't like those bananas and that doesn't matter to me. What matters to me is that I am as safe as I can be from that disease in my own home and that my son feels some of the consequences to his disease. Whether or not he chooses to get help is up to him, but until he can prove to me that he has and that he is doing what he needs to do to regain his health and to regain his moral compass, I'm not available to him in the same way I am available to my daughter and my grandson.

deacon · Senior Member

It hurts so much to have someone you love betray you, steal from you and lie to you. Our son took his dad's prescription pain meds when he was recovering from an operation. He is not addicted to drugs but he wondered if they would make him feel better. I can still remember the awful realization when he confessed to his dad. The stomach dropping, heartsick pain! That was the very bottom for us and he was told that he was no longer welcome in our home. The irony in this is that his dad had chosen not to take the pain killers because he did not want to become addicted. We should have taken them back to the pharmacy instead of having them there in plain sight but we never even thought there was an issue.

And still my husband chooses to drink. Not often and not when he knows I will see. He thinks I don't know which is such a laugh as his behavior changes drastically. I also hate alcohol and I am surrounded by people who choose to drink. Everywhere we go we are offered a drink. Every function, every celebration has alcohol involved. Every program on tv has someone with a drink in their hand as if that is the norm and I am the oddity. Intelligent women friends seem unable to cope with life's problems without the buffer of wine.

I love our friends and family but I am just so sick of the drinking. I just so understand where you are coming from Cooper.

Cooper · Veteran Member

Thanks for the support. My son has already mentioned that he would like to move back home, I told him absolutely not. I'm not sure if I will ever trust him again, and I refuse to feel like a hostage in my own home by having to lock up everything of value. Heck even locking things up apparently does no good, he figured out how to pick my door lock and then simply broke the lock box lock.

It also makes me very sad to see my 23 year old daughter dealing with the effects of alcohol in her life. She is a great kid, hard working and independent, just finishing up college. Over the years she witnessed how her mothers drinking affected our lives and eventually played a role in the end of our marriage. She has tried to help her brother and he has hurt her. Just last weekend she called me at 12:30 AM crying hysterically, her boyfriend had wrecked his car while driving drunk and called her to come get him before the police showed up. She was crying because she said she just can't deal with all this anymore, she is tired of living her life in constant worry because of others problems. I am going to give her some of my Al-Anon books, and I got her to make an appointment with a therapist. It breaks my heart she is dealing with all this.

It's sad how alcohol is such a part of our lives, I think if they discovered alcohol today they would never legalize it, there's way to many negative issues associated with drinking.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Alcohol has been with us almost since time began.Even without it, we would have addicts who would eat mushrooms or something.

You were strong not to allow son to come back. I am so, so, sad he stole those coins. I know that hurts. I do know it was the fact of how they were given to you and by whom.

I know you hurt too for your daughter. Addiction is such a horrible disease. My AH stole from me too. Really hurt.

glad you came here to share!

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

First, I applaud your sobriety and your heart. It cuts deeply when we are betrayed by a loved one. I am sorry for all of you. Prayers...

Wolfie · Veteran Member

Brought back some memories. Thanks for venting.

4Horses · Member

Oh how I feel for you.

My son went through serious drug problems in his early 20's. At one point he overdosed, landed in the hospital, and we thought we had lost him. I will never forget that feeling, the emotions, the fear, I can't explain it. However, he did pull through and told me, "Mom I love you, but I am not quitting for you, I am quitting for myself. I want to live." He is now doing great and is the single parent of two grade school children. Compliments of the girl he feel in love with during his down time.

On the other hand; my daughter, who was always so against drugs, alcohol abuse, etc. is the one I am concerned about. Something happened a couple of years back that has affected her. She doesn't do drugs, and doesn't drink daily; but, when she does..... It's drink to pass out. Even she hates it, says she was all ways the responsible one. She knows she has issues; but, doesn't want to talk. She is staying with me for a while and I have told her, if she can't stay sober, she can't stay here. We will see what happens. Taking it one day at a time.

Just wanted to let you know, you are not alone.

Trish

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.