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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Sadness too Great
Post Info TOPIC: Sadness too Great
hotrod


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Sadness too Great
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Hullibee wrote:

  I cried to him last night and begged him to let me go.  He just called me a whiner.  I told him to move out again.  He said he would go back to her if he moved out.  I said I didn't care That I needed him to leave me alone.  Well he's still here in my house.  I guess I need to force the issue.  It seems like I am the only adult in this relationship.  

Ellen, I think that Catherine's suggestions are valid and so important for you to read and absorb.  Do not give your power away to him.

I copied the quote above for the same reason ; " I cried and begged him to let me go:   Instead of asking him to let you go -- All you need to do Is" let him go and let God handle the situation .  If he is still there  in the same house  sleep in another room, take care of your feelings by going to meetings,reading literature, coming here do not go to him for solace or nurture. He is invisible to you from now on. 

It works when you work it 

 



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
el-cee


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Grateful, I love how you put this. Its all about taking back your power, take your feelings, emotions, very life out of the hands of a sick alcoholic. Its like giving a 2 yr old control of the cooker.
I believe its important to look within hullibee, I had to look at some painful truths before I got freedom. I was addicted to the drama, as if I was in some book. I was full of self pity and I played the martyr like a pro. I got some enjoyment from these roles. I think lots of alanon members would tell you that, it seems to be a symptom when we live with alcoholics. We blame them for everything instead of taking responsibility for ourselves. Maybe its time to stop your pity party, leave it behind, you are not a victim, its a decision and you can decide you are not a victim.

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pinkchip


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Yeah - And I am guessing there are two sides to these arguments also. He called you a whiner? Did you just beg and cry for him to let you go or did you also point out some negative things about him and his behavior. I understand your assessments are more valid and he is truly the one dishing out the abuse but I'd be willing to be there is arguing and name calling going both ways. I'm sure he's calling you a whiner and "get over it" and such, but I'm also betting you are calling him things resembling a heartless cheater and constantly reminding him how he smashed your heart.

Basically, the only way to stop this toxic interaction is to back off completely and not communicate at ALL until you guys are in separate spots. This probably has to be initiated through some legal proceedings or police. This has the recipe to escalate into violence otherwise.

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Hullibee


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Wow grateful!!! What a story!!  I will think of myself as the Queen Not the concubine!!  

Pinkchip, there really is no name calling from me.  I just cried and begged him to let me go.  That's when he called me a whiner.  I will not interact with him any longer.  I said my statement.  Get out, let me go!!! Now it's up to him to get the message.  I will repeat it if I have to but no more crying!!!

elcee I do think I have been playing the victim.  I feel a little stronger since I begged him to let me go and he poo pooed me calling me a whiner.  I will NOT let that happen again.  I am strong, I will state my position, no say it mean, mean what I say!! Thanks.



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PP


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I like what I hear, Ellensmile



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Paula
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Sadness too Great