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So its been what....a week ?? a bit more??? Since one of the deepest posts I have written was submitted???
I am struggling w/ the HP thingy and you all had to spiritually "shore me up" so I could get a perspective???
Well WHO in their wildest dreams would want ME to share with them steps 2, 3, or 11???
I had one last talk with my A Brother dearest tonight ....He now hates and blames I all it Creator/Grt. Spirit, he calls it God..Same thing..the universal source....Creator has now been labelled the enemy, betrayer, abandoner, FORMER best friend....
He is blaming God, saying how he abandoned him, accusing poor HP of not protecting him, ruining their relationship, a best friendship down the tubes, yada yada yada and I am listening AGAIN and hes going on and on that now he has "lost his God" Scott warned me of this (by the way...Scott is an alanoner and we had a GREAT talk about how we are both dealing w/R with our alanon tools AND we promised each other when one needs the other, we can work the program together...)
Anyway, back to R..I am listening to him about his "divorce" from his HP and hes long winded so i have to wait, holding cell in hand, I eat supper, let the dogs out to go to restroom, watching them I realize I have to go to restroom and FINALLY he runs out of air and asks me "u still there???" and i says "yes, can the defense have her time at the podium now???" He says "ok, I will listen"
I just very nice but firmly asked him some ???s
who is responsible for locking up his truck????
I know you don't have a conventional lock, but you can "rope tie" it from inside, then lock the front doors and its locked...Whose responsibility is it to do that?????
Who decided to get drunk and not be by his UNLOCKED vehicle?????
Who didn't renew his insurance ( illegal in MA, i think) so the theft can't be reimbursed?????
Who didn't put his tools in his storage places in the FIRST place to make SURE they were safe????
He is listening and no answer.....I then go to tell him that HP helps those who help themselves.....HP NEVER interferes in our choices and our free will, he/she lets us reap what we sow , so hopefully we learn the lesson or get the help or do what we gotta do so these lessons are learned and we grow from it....
I also asked him did he think HP was going to "do his life" for him?? OR respect his boundaries by letting him make his choices, good or bad and reap the results????
and was it HP who dropped the ball here???? Was it HP who told him to get drunk and get careless???? Was it HP who told him NOT to use Scott's garage that was his for the using, any ole time?????
I also asked him, all the people who help/love him, including me, WHO put these people in his path??? could it possibly be HP trying to love and comfort him, using us to do it???? AND the plans B, C , D he has at his disposal to remedy this, WHO put these helpers in his path???? WHO prompted the good Samaritan to call the cops to want to save his life?????
Still no response from "R" just breathing and kinda sniffling....no comments....so i press further
I then ask him....IF HP abandoned you, don'tcha think he would have dropped your sorry ass long ago when you, day after day, month after month, year after year refuse to get help for your problems yet you always get help/bailed out when in a jam.......
as Kojak said "Who really LOVES YA BABY??????" and WHO do ya think works through me, Cliffie, and Scott and all the scores of other people to love, comfort and encourage you and esh you so you can get a plan going to rebuild????
FINALLY he replies...."I guess it doesn't pay to say stupid things to you...You always are right"
I tell him this is one for the ages.....I, Neshema, the one who thought she was an agnostic, confused, rebellious, angry , doubtful, questioning everything, and here I am sticking up for HP......Somehow the doubtful one has turned into the defender...
GO FIGURE!!!!! He told me I have given him a "ton to think about" and how I made so much sense, "the prosecution has to rest"......he then told me how much he loved me
WHAT a turn of EVENTS....I told Scott about this....he said "only an alanon could share a story like mine"
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
The defense rests THANK GOD!! Was it that brutally black and white?? I didn't see any enabling in that...not a stitch; no sugar coating or soft soaping it just get it done!! I just love the whole picture you painted here N...all of it. An hour or two in the life of Neshema2...G rated at that. (((((hugs))))) Mahalo
Out HP often shows up the most when we work with others. That is what the whole program was derived from I think. There are so many messages for your brother to take that could be positive or at least less negative. Prior to sobriety and the program, my instant default to adversity was "God is crapping on me!" Now if something like what happened to your brother happened to me, I'd be like "Ok God? What's the lesson?" I would probably think that God might want me to slow down, maybe a different career, maybe get into recovery more, maybe utilize my support system once again to find away over another hurdle just to see I can do it and build confidence. I might think, maybe God was telling me I was working too much and the rest of my life was being neglected. All sort of things....
Point is, I never thought this way when I was an active alcoholic - pre program. Alcoholics are doom focused and deny personal culpability, a part in problems and making them better, and they don't look at the bright side of anything. This has been a giant shift in me with recovery. It is so much more than just not drinking. Through your discussion of your brother, you just illustrated the mindset that alcoholics have that keeps them drinking.
Love this share, Rosie. (Also giggled at your description of listening while you did what you needed to do for you.) It is true that when we keep an open mind, we will find help and you did and are 12 stepping it. What he does with the info is up to him but you still carried the message and well.
