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Post Info TOPIC: Living with an Alcoholic


Newbie

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Living with an Alcoholic


When the river of denial faded, I woke up to find an alcoholic who I allowed to enmesh my life.  I realized I didn't have any friends and he kept me to himself. Wow.. 

I ran to alnon.

I have been married for 14 years to an alcoholic. About 3 years ago, I got on his case and suggested that he might be drinking too much! What I didn't know is I created him to start hiding! How ridicules I was to follow him everywhere. The start of my insanity! 

The jobs.. He is on since I have known him number 4. 

I have 3 kids  ages 7 and 8. I am so scared to not have any security. I am scared for them.  It is even worst to find out how much a divorce cost and they want $5000 for a retainer fee. Where is the Obama help for wives who have drug addicts for husband. Does he know the world is going downhill. My husband doesn't care about me or the kids. 

I used to have a great job and now 8 years with a huge gap and competition against the younger kids. More fear.

I have to learn to live with this disease that has made me crazy and now my children are subjected to the disrespect, irresponsibility, impulsive behavior, the maddening conversation that make no sense.. 

I am slowly making friends but I know i have to help myself to make the most important decision. To stay or go.. Can I make it with 3 kids.. also I am 55 years old. 

The odds are against me, but will my HP help me to see I can overcome all obstacles. 

I am learning to live in the moment.. I wonder what normal people do? 

I am scared and alone.. no family to help me or understand my situation. 

i breathe is all I can do. 

Do people live with this insanity just hoping their alcoholic dies a early death? I know wishing doesn't work. 

I hope that I can climb each day to see that their is a rainbow for us. 

This disease is so evil.. I watched a show on how PROHIBITION  started which didn't help solve the problem of alcohol addiction.

 Sorry I am just venting. ... somebody validate me.. I am not crazy but living in a crazy environment. Tell me that we can survive until he falls somewhere else...  

 

 



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~*Service Worker*~

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Dear Jpebbles welcome to Miracles in Progress. I can so identify with all that you shared and want to assure you that you are quite sane but unfortunately living in an insane environment. I'm so pleased that you found Al-Anon and are using the tools to help break the isolation caused by this terrible disease and are rebuilding your self-esteem and self-worth

As you are aware alcoholism is a progressive, fatal, incurable disease that can be arrested and never cured. AA is a recovery program that is most successful for the alcoholic and Al-Anon will help anyone who lives with the disease to regain their sense of self, as well as develop constructive tools to live by.

As I read your share I was very impressed with your growth in the program and your faith in HP. I would just like to assure you that trusting HP to guide my life was the most miraculous thing I could've done .I had discovered that I had made my husband, who was only human into my God and Higher Power and believed that I could not survive without him. Once I switched my HP to the God of my understanding miracles began to happen I too doubted that I could survive on my own, I had all the same reasons as you mentioned to believe I could not succeed. When my husband died, I prayed, trusted and wonder of wonders I not only was able to survive but I thrived. I ended being able to support my household and my son with no difficulty.

Trust the process and know that HP has a beautiful design for your life. It's all a process



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

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Hi...Welcome to alanon

you are NOT alone and I can relate to what u r saying...I am older than you, alone, working my recovery and I just try to stay in the moment...yea, it gets scary, competition by younger folks for the jobs is really hard, but i just keep thinking  "I got this far, so something is helping me along...."  it isn't easy, no way..life has been at times brutal for me, but  i hang in there and if life can be soo hard, it can ease up....dunno the future and i don't try to forecast anymore...I just try to live in the now

I can relate to your feelings  of hoping your qualifier "goes out" early, i can relate....it gets so bad, the jaws of the trap feel soo harsh, biting into the flesh of the sober spouse who is "stuck" due to finances....Ohh how i know that feeling.......i work , now, at a job where the guy is a bully...horrible to work for..i have to "suck it up" and detach detach detach b/c i cant afford to leave.....the off. mgr. is married to a nice guy, doesn't have to work and here i am at ret. age, HAVING to work....i have to take life one day at a time, otherwise, i would feel hopeless.....i just rely on me, whatever part of the universe is within me and hope ite enough...so far I am OK...TODAY , I am OK....that is the mindset i keep.....TODAY I am OK.....TODAY i can meet my needs.....life CAN change and it doesn't always have to be bad......things can turn around....may or may not, but it CAN...thats all we have TODAY

validating you and sending you hugs of SUPPORT



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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!! 



~*Service Worker*~

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Even if he did die, you'd still have the ways the alcoholism has affected you to face. It took me awhile to see that not only was my husband damaged by alcoholism, so was I. I'm glad you have come here and gone to Al-Anon face to face meetings. One day at a time we get better and feel better whether or not our loved one gets treatment for his disease.

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig



~*Service Worker*~

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Hi jpebbles, and welcome to MIP. You have found a wonderful group of warm, caring and compassionate people who know the pain you are living. Bless your heart, you are not alone. We all know how isolation feels. But you can learn to break this isolation. Alcoholism is a dreadful disease that affects not only the person drinking but also the family and friends of the alcoholic. Most of the time, we don't realize how profoundly we have been affected. There is hope for you, and there is help. Please seek out Al-Anon in your area and attend the face 2 face meetings.

Let go and let God take care of your husband. Focus on taking care of you.

Please keep coming back. smile



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Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold  O-on  P-pain E-ends

Linda-



Senior Member

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Hp is on your side. Now and for always. Hugs and welcome.

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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 938
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Welcome. I am glad you found Al anon and MIP. The people here are so helpful. You are not alone. I had to move out with my kids last March. I am filing for divorce on my own, without an attorney at first and we will see what happens. I think you can get help from your local family court house. They provide some legal counsel for free.

Keep coming back. Al anon is an amazing program.

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Living life one step at a time



~*Service Worker*~

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I wished an early death on my ex. Its part of the insanity that we suffer from when we live with addiction. I understand the need to blame as well, the government, society the alcoholic. I felt like that too. I suggest going to an alanon face to face meeting, there you will find support from people who have lived it and know what your going through. Giving up control allowed me to take control of me and my life.

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~*Service Worker*~

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BTW, Pebbles. Your avatar is fetching. I love to look at it.

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig



Senior Member

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Emotional abuse (which can include verbal abuse, restricting where and when she can go places, not allowing her to be employed, or restricting her access to the family finances, etc) is often not recognized by women as domestic violence. Domestic violence women's shelters can provide a place of safety to a woman and her children while she begins a path toward self sufficiency.

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bud


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 2071
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Hi and welcome to MIP- I'm glad you found us! I can relate to what you wrote- please feel validated! You didn't cause his alcoholism, can't cure it , and can't control it. Sneaking/hiding the drinking is one of the many common aspects to this disease; so, your awareness of your husband hiding his drinking had and has nothing to do with you. Alcoholism, untreated and unsupported with a program, progresses to insanity or death. The burden of living with someone with the disease is much too much for most of us to handle alone. Alanon provides the support and skills to improve circumstances. Keep coming back!

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