Wife's first birthday is Saturday - Al-Anon Family Group

KennyFenderjazz · ~*Service Worker*~

Wife's first birthday is Saturday

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

What does she like? Does she enjoy to be pampered? Manicure, pedicure, massage?

And congratulations to both of you! I know how difficult it is creating a new relationship.

-- Edited by PP on Thursday 13th of November 2014 01:11:05 PM

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Okay, then - no cost and no work - what has she said repeatedly since about her 6 month mark about what she'd like to hear you say, see you do, enjoy with you? Anything? If so - that might be the gift?

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Sorry I'm expensive

AA Birthstone Pendant How cool is that and nobody really knows what it is except her.

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Oh my gosh.....there's another one I like. Only 187.00 for either one.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

$187????????? Wow! Well, Kenny, its your wallet. I like the red one better. Anybody else want to weight in on this whether or not Kenny asked us to do that?

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Love that Catherine i was going to suggest a gift from the AA store. The above is lovely. How can it be ordered?

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Has all kinds of gifts for him and her.

www.my12stepstore.com/Gifts-for-Her.html

Look at this one with the date.....

-- Edited by Cathyinaz on Thursday 13th of November 2014 04:25:38 PM

Hoot Nanny · ~*Service Worker*~

Kenny: Congrats to your wife. Maybe you should buy her flowers. Did anyone already suggest that?

Kathleen

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Love the shopping in the AA store idea. Geez, Kenny, you've got a ton of ideas for your wife's anniversary!

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

I've heard many recovering AA respond that being sober is "normal" and so therefore sober is most expected...under the influence not. Maybe you want to get her a coin holder with a chain and key ring which hold the chip. She will carry it and use it daily for a year until hopefully she will recycle it for year II. Just a suggestion. It is what my wife got me several years ago and which has held several chips...Recycling the chip back for a new comer is like a part of a 12th. Give it a thought. ((((hugs)))) and (((Hugs))) for you wife also. smile

chip chain..jpg

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Thats so thoughtful, kenny. A no cost, no effort present, hm. What about a romantic picnic or a massage, I love massages, a good one though, play some calming music, candles, oils and learn a couple of techniques from you tube.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Jewelry of course....men!!!

I don't know what you have to spend. DO NOT go to walmart either.

Alternative nice jewelry is nice. I mean natural stones etc. The one year jewelry is a good one too.

Does she have a wedding ring? I love those bands with diamonds in them. They are not too awfully expensive. I like simple too, a necklace with one diamond that you can afford.

Jewelry touches a woman in her heart and her skin. I like rings myself so I can wear them all the time. My friend sent me a pretty emerald with teeny tiny diamonds around it and down the setting.I love it.

Of course give her a big box with a pretty nightgown, NOT flannel, and put the jewery in there. A card of course saying allll the things you see in her that you love, yes even her bum when she bends over to pick something up.

hugs you are so cool to want to do something.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

But - whatever you do - NO TOASTERS, DRILLS, WEED WACKERS, or football jerseys. Yes - I know I'm yelling. That is because this is very, very, very important.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Thursday 13th of November 2014 07:02:04 PM

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

LOL...Grateful!! My imagination is on the floor with that one. I wanna hear from Kenny on how the thought has progressed. wink

cloudyskies · ~*Service Worker*~

I love Cathy's suggestion. I love the AA store.

and congrats to your wife, Kenny!

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

lolol grateful. so true. I as feeling sorta unfeminine, my husband first one, brought me this big pretty box, inside. four baseball t shirts....sigh...lol

MorningGlory · Veteran Member

Hey Kenny,

I made these for my Aunt and Cousin who are in Al-Anon and NarAnon and gave them as Christmas gifts, saw it online...

Took my image (see attached you can steal it if you want) printed it on the computer and bought a frame at the Dollar Store and got a set of Dry Eraser Board markers with fine tips and an dry board eraser.

Framed the image and then you can write on it, leave it on your bedside table or somewhere else, ie. sweet messages to one another, Daily Affirmation, Quotation of the Day, reminders, bible passages.

Bet you can think of something endearing to say to this woman that would make her say "awwww...."

My relatives loved it and thought it was very thoughtful, cost about $3 total plus the time to find and image and print it. The frame stand is on the back for horizontal or vertical orientation.

Yahoo to both of you!

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

Kenny, you would know her best, but if you think she might be nervous about Saturday, I would keep it simple. There's nothing better than continued unconditional love and support in my humble opinion. AA sponsors are usually the ones to present medallions to their sponsee. Maybe you could ask her how she would like to spend the day. My bf celebrated three years last week. He's told me he doesn't expect to be rewarded for being sober but he's also had a hard year with losing both of his parents. I asked if it would be ok to take him to dinner so we could celebrate the good things (referring to his sobriety). He said he thought that would be ok. Congratulations to your wife. You must be filled with pride and gratitude that she's working her program. ((hugs))) Many many more 24hrs. TT

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm glad to hear the good news! What means the most to me is a display of support and unconditional love and enjoying a meal together. For me, having meals with a loved one creates good memories- priceless.

1911A1 · Senior Member

I've seen some beautiful renditions of the Serenity Prayer for display in the home. Since you both are working the Steps and trusting HP on your individual yet shared recovery journeys, perhaps something like that for your home would be meaningful for both of you. (And since many non-program people subscribe to the Serenity Prayer, there shouldn't be any anonymity concerns either.)

Happy birthday indeed!

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Meetings will only shell out for the brass coins. The local intergroup will sell these:

IMG595[1].jpg

My sponsor got me that one since I didn't even know Chuck when I got my first year. He has gone to the local AA intergroup office to get these since then though. They sell all the AA gifts you could think of there. I love it. It's like AA Disney land up in there. You better go today though because they won't be open on the weekend. At least they are not here...

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Kenny)))) - wishing you both a wonderful anniversary tomorrow.
Lots of lovely ideas here - and I'm sure you will give her a big smile and warm appreciation. Congratulations to both of you - its precious to have your time together again.

KennyFenderjazz · ~*Service Worker*~

thanks guys I haven't thought about the intergroup store. I'm heading there now to see what I can select. Thanks Kenny

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

PC: Did you wear braces? Thanks for the close up shot of your teeth. What a family. Giggle.

KennyFenderjazz · ~*Service Worker*~

I went to intergroup office, and I got a little double Mobius strip necklace pendant with the serenity prayer printed on it. Something for her to know that an engineer got it for her lol. Thanks for the well wishes everyone.

Kenny

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

smile Thanks for the thread, Kenny. I learned that there is shop to buy things that are related to AA/NA/Al-Anon from Cathy and a new word that I didn't know from you - Mobius.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 14th of November 2014 06:01:07 PM

-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 14th of November 2014 06:02:25 PM

KennyFenderjazz · ~*Service Worker*~

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M%C3%B6bius_strip It is a one-sided object. Kinda like many lf the conversations we had when wife was active lol.

Cathy, I'm glad I didn't get her the date pendent because we are having a debate as to when the actual date is, whether it is today or tomorrow. Doesn't really matter, but I wouldn't want to actually have a pendant made that was incorrect!

Thanks everyone for the encouraging words. And now we've all got some great ideas going forward for Christmas or other occasions!

She does love it, I gave it to her last night. But she is having some real bad PAWS or something right now. IN fact, when I came home last night, I could have sworn she had been drinking, she acted and smelled like it. She actually had a bunch of AA friends over yesterday, so she didn't drink during the day. She could have drank between the time they left and when I got home, but there isn't any liquor in the house that I know of. She has no license to go get any, and we haven't bought any since we moved. She does have a bad headache, so perhaps that was it.

Last night she said she felt like she felt very anxious. I said "kinda like when you used to wake up at 4 AM and be anxious after you had binged?" She said yes, so I said "I could swear you've been drinking". She said she hadn't and left the room, came back, and we talked more about it for awhile. I told her that I'm not mad at her if she is or isn't, it just is what it is one way or the other. I have just as many problems as she does, one of hers happens to be alcoholism. This was soooo different from the "conversations" we had a year ago about whether she had drank or not.

She said she was surprised I didn't have my bags packed when I thought she had been drinking. I reminded her of the agreement we had that she would go into detox if she had been drinking, but I don't have strong enough evidence for that at this point. And that whether she drinks or not is really her business, and I wouldn't get mad, or pouty, or imperious about it. I think she suddenly was grateful that I am a grateful member of Al Anon, she was very relieved.

But now she is very scared, starting to second-guess herself, had nightmares all last night. We had plans to do work around the house today, but she has already sent a message to her sponsor and hopefully she can get some time with her.

She will be fine. She is trying like hell, and really wants her recovery. There is nobody in this world that I admire more at this point, after having been on this board for awhile I salute anybody who makes it to a year sober. And even more so if they are living with me!

Thanks for listening, and all the great ideas everyone!

Kenny

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Prayers and care, Kenny.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 15th of November 2014 08:16:39 AM

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

POSITIVE THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS KENNY YOU ARE A GOOD MAN !! SHE IS A FORTUNATE WOMAN .

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

((((((Hugs)))))) Kenny,

You clearly have great love and respect for each other. I admire the honesty as well.
My husband had a few wobbly moments following his first year anniversary - I think that these benchmarks aren't that easy.
What a clever and original gift - very precious. Keep taking good care of you Kenny, and thanks for the update.

KennyFenderjazz · ~*Service Worker*~

She got to talk to her sponsor yesterday who said that this is pretty common. She said that many of her sponsees, and herself too, get a lot of PAWS etc around their anniversary. And some don't. Go figure. She felt better after hearing that she's not the only one that this has ever happened to!

I liken it to the Lord od the Rings, when anyine gets a bad battlewound and survives it, for many years afterward their wounds hurt on their anniversary.

Kenny

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

Prayers for all of you, Kenny. It seems both of you are committed to recovery and your relationship....

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Kenny - What you described from your wife is common with regard to AA anniversaries.

Because anniversaries are such a big deal in AA, it becomes a time of deeper reflection and in the case of an alcoholic, being stuck up their inside the head too much turns into a yucky mixture of happy, sad, and confused around anniversary time. I recall having thoughts that ranged from "Yay! I'm coming up on a year!! I did it! Go me!" to "I'm still a mess after a whole year of this recovery thing." to "What now? Is this all?" to "I'm healed" to "Wait...no I'm not...I'm still totally busted. Crap!!"

All anniversaries are like that but the 1st one was the most dramatic. The first anniversary was also the most meaningful for me.

I recall driving to my morning home group on the morning of my 1st anniversary and on the way I passed this one particular gas station. I had a vivid memory of tripping down the streets drunk and winding up at that gas station and calling my then partner to pick me up because I was lost and couldn't find home after I tried to walk home from the bar one night. I cried joy and sadness at that memory as I went to pick up my 1 year medallion.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

What is PAWs?

KennyFenderjazz · ~*Service Worker*~

Post Alcohol Withdrawal Syndrome.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks, Kenny. Another new acronym for me.

KennyFenderjazz · ~*Service Worker*~

She went to her home meeting tonight. Her sponsor gave her one of the nice chips. Mark, thanks for posting that, after seeing it I figured I shouldnt get her a fancy chip because her sponsor would get her one.

Thanks everyone!

Kenny

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Glad all is good, Kenny.

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

Kenny, that is really considerate of you. Pleased that all is well.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.