Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Post Info TOPIC: It's amazing how fast...


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 609
Date:
It's amazing how fast...


3 years of program work can disappear on me.

I'm the one who made the decision to leave my AH. I'm the one who has chosen not to respond to correspondence since I ended joint counseling.

I'm the one who made the mistake of responding to an I love you text that I received this Tuesday after finding out Sunday that he officially has a girlfriend.

I know better than to respond but I let mad take over and I absolutely reacted.

Then I get a text meant for someone else so I had a name and I figured out who she is.

So now I've got to pick myself back up and get to a meeting.

I'm the one who left, I should not care about this!

Ugh! ESH????

 

Thank you!

 



__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 5663
Date:

When I left my Ex-A, I saw him around town a few times. One of them was at a club and he was with some guy and they were playing kissy face. I found someone else to hook up with right away and did it right in front of him. Pretty childish but yeah....And it was me who dumped him. After a year or two passed, I didn't care who he was with, when, or why. I also started hearing stories about his new crackhead boyfriend and I sort of felt sorry for him instead of jealous. I didn't want him to feel bad or be longing for me and regretting his actions. It was kind of like "you have to see how much better off I am without you!" And if I missed that opportunity to show it, I felt mad and jealous I guess. It was also a sign that I really did need to make my life even more better without him...so yeah...your return to self-focus is good.

__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 7576
Date:

It takes awhile to progress from "we're a couple" to "I'm completely fine and happy without him." Although I didn't feel jealousy when the x dated, I did experience negative thoughts and feelings in relationship to myself that I projected onto him for awhile. Freeing both of us from our toxic relationship with drugs/alcohol as his mistress was healthy and yet I still had the aftermath of that relationship to work through for a bit. Easy does it, Jackie. It takes time to heal and to recover from the madness of living with the active disease.

__________________

"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2188
Date:

Jackie11, you may always care, and there is nothing wrong with that.  What you must do is put your feelings into perspective.  Compartmentalize if you will and go on from there.  It is okay to care; just not okay to allow the caring to take over.  Best to you.

 

Diva



-- Edited by Diva on Thursday 30th of October 2014 11:09:35 AM

__________________
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 661
Date:

Soon after I left my AH, I came across a photo of him on a group FB page that I was following. In the photo, he had a huge mug of beer in his hand and his arm around a much younger woman. They both looked absolutely "in their cups" (read: drunk). Instead of just choosing to not let it bother me, I quickly sent off a nasty email to my AH, which included the photo and the title "Unbelievable- and you said you had stopped drinking. Loser!"

At first I felt rather smug for sending the email, but soon after, I started to feel ugly and out of control. I ended up calling my sponsor and realized that I had slipped in my own recovery. It was time to revisit Step 1. We are human and we don't always make the right decisions. But at least we have Al-Anon tools to get us back on track and headed into the right direction. Sending you ES&H!



-- Edited by Green Eyes on Thursday 30th of October 2014 05:28:35 PM

__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 609
Date:

Thank you all!

Next Tuesday it will be 9 months since I left. I knew he would be dating soon after I was gone so I didn't think finding out about an actual girlfriend would bother me this much.

I have to keep my focus on my recovery! It's amazing how fast I found my mind spinning this week! I'm so thankful for the tools that Al-Anon gives us!



__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1020
Date:

I too received a note about his love for me after we separated. I was way more upset to think he was trying to worm his way back to me than when I later learned it was intended for someone else.
When I learned he was soon with a woman, my only thought was that he's no bargain. I hope she deserves him.
Since then, my alanon tools helped me change. On the rare occasion he trots between my ears now, I have compassion for what it must be for him and any companion to live with such chaos and to be enslaved as we were. Wishing us all recovery.

__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 13696
Date:

 

 

 

LOL...you are sooo not alone with this and it speaks to my own addiction to "wanting and needing" and after our home group last evening another member was doing this share which has solution and also which means continuing in program, keeping and open mind, being committed to my recovery and asking for help from the others who have come before me.  You're okay Jackie and maybe right in the middle of the solutions.   What helped me more was learning the difference between submission from the problem to surrender from it.   Dr. Harry Tibout helped me most understand.  We love you better.   (((((hugs))))) smile



__________________


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 419
Date:

I am right there with you.I am still reeling from finding out my ex has already latched on to another woman and I just ended the relationship,she smokes crack and he is drinking and snorting pills,I am not so much jealous as this is a train wreck waiting to happen, but  I am dissapointed in his choices,I may not be the one for him but  I would like to see him get well.I didn't react but I wanted to in fact I picked up my phone and started the text but I didn't send it.I do know that when he calls me to rescue him I will be able to say no.



__________________

Mary



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 13696
Date:

 

 

I'm remembering an incident that I have shared here before about being separated from my alcoholic/addict and missing the addiction and crazy as a coot trying to fulfill that "need" within me and do sooooo bad at it anyway.  I was sick and I also was without clear perspective until I was at a friends house listening to her talk about a work mate who was getting phone calls from her husband.  They were separated and he was wanting to come home.   My friend overheard a conversation and told me about it because my wife was also her friend and she knew my addiction.  she told me that she heard her workmate tell the husband on the phone, "I love you and I like having you here but I don't need you".  That was such foreign thought and language and threatening to my perspective that I ran out of her house and fled in my car down the street.  I got about 4 or 5 blocks and just had to pull over and think about what I was told...I wanted to be needed and I believed I needed my alcoholic/addict wife until after a little time I came to understand that my life and how it went and came out wasn't dependent upon my alcoholic/addict wife or actually anyone else...I was/am responsible.  This is my life and I cannot hold anyone else responsible for what happens with it.  I came back to my friends house and different person; more aware and willing to learn.   (((hug))) smile



__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 609
Date:

Thank you for all the shares!

I am so thankful for this program!



__________________
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.