The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello all again, last time I was here was in 2009 fast forward to 2014. Things have gotten worse this time the AH is sitting in jail as he has another DUI this time during work, the one thing i am so proud of myself I didnt move heaven and earth to bail him out..and when another family member was going to i stated my concerns and he respected my decision and didnt either. This was after a couple of difficult days worried about if it was the right thing or not. After a phone call last night and him throwing a fit that he could of bailed himself out if we had the money ect ect he wouldnt be sitting in jail. I dropped the rope didnt argue with him that maybe some of the issue was his drinking, smoking ect. after getting off the phone of course i cried and was feeling guilty of my decision and within a few min he called back and apoligized, all i said was thank you for the apology. He stated to go ahead and write him a letter and let him know how I feel and "let him have it" I am guessing this is so he doesnt have to focus on his feelings of guilt. Havent decided to write one or not. Pulled out some of my alon paperwork I had copied and read thru it. I am truly greatful to not have him around so I can focus on me and my son. I am concnered about when he gets out that things are going to go back to the way they where. but then again thats one of the slogans is to take one day at a time and quit worrying aboout the future and what can happen and focus on today. Just wanted to share my experience in case someone else is going thru the same somewhat issue is its ok to focus on you and whats important everyone keeps asking what are you going to do divorce him is the main thing, my response is one day at a time. Thanks for listening (reading)
AH.....2009 the year I found out about my son's drinking. That year he lost his job and the journey started of me trying to take over his life so he could get back on track. OK lets fast forward to march 2014.....3rd DUI, visit my son sitting in jail begging me to bail him out. I said no....his father said no....he cried. We both walked out and it was a very sad day. I cried my eyes out that my son was sitting in jail with no help at all. I felt the quilt, pain and hurt for HIM. But after a couple of days I was better. As the weeks went by I became grateful my son is finally experience the consequences of his actions. I had finally let go completely and let it happen. Now I can only pray that when he is released in 2016 he will come out a better man and not a child anymore. He will learn from his mistakes and never let anyone in his life live it for him.
All of us here hear you and your not alone and never will be if you can embrace the fellowship that Al-anon gives to you. To help you take care of yourself and give you the tools to detach with love from your A and have the courage and strength to change you.
(((( big hug )))) you are not alone....
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Welcome back. Things don't have to go back to the way they were. Al-Anon meetings can help you make changes that you can make for you and for your son whether or not your AH continues to drink if you're not already in the fellowship. Based on his seeing his being in jail is due to no money for bail, I don't see him making changes right away. But, you can. Al-Anon has been a life saver for many of us. It can be that for you, too. Things will continue to deteriorate if he doesn't stop drinking and enter a recovery program in earnest. Keep coming back here, too.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Wednesday 29th of October 2014 11:12:44 PM
Welcome back Aquastrm. Doesn't seem that you have forgotten the lessons...YAY!! You allowed him the dignity for being responsible for his choices. What a grand gift to offer the alcoholic. Each one of those gifts give him another opportunity to change his choices. Let God have him again. (((hugs)))
