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Post Info TOPIC: I am so angry And I want everyone to know the truth!!


~*Service Worker*~

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I am so angry And I want everyone to know the truth!!


Please help me have some self control. I see my AH talking with people on facebook and I want to spit. Ok, I'm going to just come out and say it. Maybe I already have, I don't  remember. AH and I were coworkers. He got fired in March. I am still there, working at the same place and trying not to lose it!! Some days are better than others. so one time when AH was crazy drunk and I had to take him to the hospital, he told the doctor my best "girl" (so and so) has CANCER. He blamed his drunken state on his coworker friend having cancer. It was complete BS. He hardly knows this person who has cancer. So he is on FB telling her " I will send u a message". I am so paranoid he is going to tell her and another coworker friend that I am a heartless raving B who left him. I want to beat him to the punch and message them myself and tell them HE IS AN ALCOHOLIC AND HE STILL DOESNT HAVE A JOB!!!! I always feel the need to defend myself. People have no idea what it's like to live with an alcoholic. 

I am also angry with myself for having an emotional connection to this person I am messaging. I am so thrilled when I hear someone praising me or trying to make me feel better, etc  I am so codependent!! I guess I also thrive on the excitement of a new kind of "friendship". I am forcing myself not to contact him, but I love it when we talk. 

My mind is racing always trying to decide if him being fired was justified, etc. for the most part I think it was justified but I have to face the person who fired him almost every day. i am looking into a new job, and I am anxious about not hearing back from them yet. I am also nervous about leaving the job I know so well and trying something new. I am not friend with AH on FB but I am looking at his public page. sometimes I really want to tell coworkers the truth, because I truly believe his addiction played a part in his firing and I am tired of people bothering me. 



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Living life one step at a time



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 7576
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People will think and say what they will. Just like alcoholism and the alcoholic, we have no control over that. If you do your job well, the reasons you are separated from your AH cannot harm you because from what I know about your work, your marital status has no bearing on your professional competency. Defending yourself against other people's opinion of you will only keep you stuck in a one down position with others. Giving information about him won't result in people not bothering you. You'll only be giving them more information that will pique their curiosity even further and the questioning will probably continue. I've never worked anywhere where coworkers asked me as many personal questions as they seem to ask you - especially when your marital status is none of their business. What he is doing or not doing isn't any of their business either. Geez.



-- Edited by grateful2be on Wednesday 29th of October 2014 09:31:28 PM



-- Edited by grateful2be on Thursday 30th of October 2014 08:34:43 AM

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 938
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Thanks Catherine. It's probably because I work with a lot of women and you know how we love to talk. I also feel very paranoid because he got fired. I feel like all eyes are on me but in reality people probably don't think about me as much as I think they do.

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Living life one step at a time



Senior Member

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Posts: 419
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I am angry at myself for putting up with someone who in the end made me want to poke his eyeballs out, so I hear you.I used to use  facebook, but I closed my account, there are some things I don't need to know.I just ended my relationship and i did become a stark raving bitch almost unrecognizable to myself, I don't know what happened other than God helping me to see that I never want to be that way again and I never want to give him the power to control me again so I am very careful who I talk to and what I think about because if I am not careful he can control me when he isn't even here.



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Mary



~*Service Worker*~

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biggrin  That is probably very true, NLG.  I've noticed that those people who are most interested in the details of another person's life and ask continued probing questions are usually hurting themselves and need to talk with somebody who will listen to them and not use what they share against them.  smile  My friends might ask me what is happening with me but if I say I don't want to talk about it, they let go - they don't push for more information than I choose to share.  Perhaps you can reverse the questioning with those who don't seem to get that you don't want to talk about him and ask them about themselves and their lives when it seems appropriate?  Perhaps they need somebody to listen to them and care?



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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1020
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My favorite reply for that situation I learned here. Thank you, Abbyal.

When asked how her ex is doing or why they separated, she told them You'll have to ask him. They quit asking her.

Can you imagine the questions people ask? Just another thing I can't control - other people's nosiness.

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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 707
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One of the many lessons I have learned in Al-anon: Other people's opinion of me is none of my business. I will admit that sometimes I struggle with that one now and then, but then I remember that what other people think of me isn't in my hula hoop. I can't control what is in other people's hula hoop, only what is in mine and that is me. When I stay focused on me, myself and I life is a lot more sane. It isn't perfect, it isn't without stress or hassle, but it is sane and I like that a lot.

I have my ex blocked on FB. I can't see him and he can't see me. I like it this way. I don't have to have any temptation to peek at his insanity and he has no way of using social media to disturb me or my friends.

Pray about the job. Your higher power has your back and will be there for you whatever happens.

Hold your head up high and keep to your own back yard.

Yours in recovery,

Mandy



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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall

God is seldom early, but he is never late.



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 3968
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I have had to take a break from face book, because I was too caught up in it. I first deleted everyone that I do not really consider friends or in my day to day life or make me feel good to see them on my personal page. I have wasted so much time following things and letting people upset me and it was my own making letting the people even see my fb page. So I now have new and better boundaries that keep me from being upset and only allow myself 1 hour a week to spend on social media, because I have other healthier things I need to get done that don't upset me. There is a slogan and I can't remember word for word right now, but basically says what other people think of me is none of my business, that one helps me a lot plus I am usually wrong and they don't spend very much time thinking about me when they finally get to know me and I ask. My Dad used to quote Those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind. I find that one very true of my true friends and loved ones. I am sending you much love and support on your journey!

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

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