The material presented
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Some days, like today, I find myself feeling angry towards everyone. I just get sick of the same things over and over. I am realizing my best friend and her issues with her son are driving me nuts. Long story short, he is almost 18 and under house arrest with an ankle bracelet for drug possession. He is trying to convince her to let him use medical marijuana. He has mental issues. She claims he has tried all kinds of anti depressants and nothing works. I am trying to help her by recommending a different type of medication that I am familiar with. She prefers to only use natural medicine. Then she wonders if she should look into medical marijuana for him because he claims it's the only thing that works for him.
I am tired of drama in my life. I have to stop advising her because she doesn't listen anyway. She will talk to me about him, so my advice to her comes from us talking about him. I think from now on I will just listen and not advise. I feel bad for her and the situation but there's nothing I can do anymore. Done trying to fix people...and this time it isn't my AH!
I am trying to focus on myself and how lucky I am my kids are decent and doing well. My AH continues to sit around and sleep most of the day. Says he doesn't owe me anything when I ask him about the job outlook. I am tired of being the responsible one.
So, lately I have been messaging a friend a lot. A male friend. He is single. I went to his Halloween party and had a great time. I asked him for a ride in his convertible BMW. We are just friends, but it sure is fun to flirt with him. It takes my mind off my problems. He responds when I message him, so I guess I am not bothering him too much. But then I get confused and wonder what I am doing. Ugh. sometimes I want to be the BAD girl. I have always been GOOD, for the most part, my whole life. I have been putting up with drama and difficult men since I was 15. So, my badness is just texting a man. Is it really that bad??? Ok, I went off into left field with this post. Feel free to respond. Thanks!!!
friendship, or flirting...? Up until three years ago i felt like I was 'gods gift to women'. Not unusual for a guy, I suppose... ...I am 63 too, and no spring chicken... things have changed for me a lot, inside the programme. I have gotten into it more and i no longer have these distractions, at least not inside of the rooms...
...in theory I believe it is okay for woman and men to be friends- it IS an equal society... it works for me inside of the programme because I mix and mingle, and circulate. I celebrate this because i used to be veeeery isolated inside of myself...
It feels "bad" because you haven't moved totally on from your AH even though you have been separated a while. If not for that, you would probably just see it for what it is...flirting, and having fun with it.
As far as your friend's son, you already answered your own questions. When people are determined to use and when their loved ones are stuck in enabling mode, that is exactly what they will do. Her son wants to use and she's looking for reasons to continue enabling. Not a game you need to involve yourself in too much.
I have learned to listen to my red flags and have separated from many friends who used to trigger me. I now have healthier relationships and am done trying to save the world, I will mention al-anon to some that sound in need and get them info, but that is where it ends for me. As far as flirting, it is a hard thing when getting to know the opposite sex for me. I have learned I like to flirt, but have had to use a lot of boundaries to keep myself from getting carried away, because I do like the attention. I want to be healthy above all and have had to inventory my motives when I am not single and think if my behavior and actions would be okay coming from the person I was with. When I am single I flirt naturally with different men I am around, but keep it innocent and never disrespectful to anyone. You have to be true to yourself and answer to yourself at the end of the day. Good insightful post! Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Like Breakingfree said, you need to be true to yourself. If you read one of my more recent posts, I was bordering on an emotional affair with a friend. Luckily, we saw the red flags that we were both putting out, we decided to stop communicating with each other (we had been texting, fb messaging, etc), and we knew we were best as friends from a distance(we live in different states) for now. He's single, I'm still married. Not a good mix, even for a friendship between opposite sexes. It was the awareness and both of us desiring to be in God's will and do the right thing that kept us grounded and accountable. We weren't even flirting with each other, we were just letting our friendship get too communicative. The timing wasn't right.
Hugs to you, only you know what you need and what is right for you! Pink said what I was going to say about the friend issue, so that about sums it up, LOL!
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
