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Post Info TOPIC: Healthy Socializing?


Veteran Member

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Healthy Socializing?


Just wanted to share about this to work through some things. We went to a wedding yesterday. It was for the daughter of of one of my former coworkers. My recovering abf is trying to get more accustomed to being in the presence of alcohol and being ok with it. So we're seated with some strangers who were also acquaintances of the parents and one of the men begins to tell us all a story of a play he and wife had gone to see the night before about a dysfunctional family with a father who is an A and whose father was an A also. He tells us it bashed a particular religion and so on. So there we were... and I don't know what abf was thinking but I was thinking OK well, you knew anything could happen.  I just smiled cordially as he went on with the story. He didn't give further details but told us his sister was offended by the play. Then he told us it had played in (major city where I happen to be from).  I suppose this might have been justification of it's value lol who knows!  Bf and I had a good laugh about this on the way home. You have to be so careful these days... you could be sitting across from someone who's not in recovery evileye  In general, people at the table asked typical quesitions - where do you work, what do you do, do you have kids, where do you live, where have you travelled.  Then some comments became rather subjective.  Ya know we people in program try to keep an open mind but it wasn't clear whether some comments were mean't as snide remarks or not. Abf excused himself and told me he was offended by a comment that was made after he had provided some general personal information about himself. I had heard it too and thought it might have been sarcasm but ya know that's that person's problem not anyone else's. He left for a long time and I continued to enjoy myself with other guests. After a long time though I went to look for him and found him in the hallway on the phone with one of his daughters who called to ask how he was since he lost his mom not long ago.   For just a moment, I thought maybe he'd gone off to drink but I thought nah... he wouldn't do that. He apologized for being gone so long. As we walked back to the reception together, he told me he'd felt the woman had made a snide comment directed at him and he was angry about it and needed to go for a walk. I reminded him about giving our power away to other people.  I also told him from her communication in general she didn't seem like a very happy woman because she'd shamed her husband for not taking her on a vacation recently in front of all of us at the table as well. Her husband mentioned having taken her to the play and dinner and then chose to dismiss any further discussion of it. 

We did have a good time and were very glad we went. We saw a beautiful couple exchange vows and got to dance with one another. We agreed that we'd benefit from doing things like this more often.   It was a good chance to work my program around new people and situations and practice responding rather than reacting. Thanks for letting me share.  TT



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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.

PP


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 3964
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You seem to have a gentleness and an openness about you that I find refreshing.  I remember well those times when my husband and I ventured into social gatherings together where there was alcohol.  We kept our communication open and had a plan b if one of us became uncomfortable.  It is less of an issue as time goes by as our friendships have shifted and our years in recovery has increased. (((TT))).



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Paula



Veteran Member

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Posts: 25
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Firstly, Paula, I want to thank you for the lovely compliment. I do hope that all these life experiences are helping me to show up with more acceptance of others and myself. I appreciate what you've offered about venturing out for new experiences in a world where drinking is prevalent and the "supposed" norm. I especially am at a point of wanting to connect with new people and grow more.  I don't want to limit myself to the fellowship, family and a few close friends outside of the program. I learn so much from getting to know new people. I want to risk to keep growing. He feels more ready too. The wedding was a new adventure in sobriety for him and a chance for me spruce up my socialization skills with some strangers.  As long as we're together, he and I prioritize one another's comfortableness in the situation and agree to use the Plan B if either needs it; we can learn a lot about ourselves in situations with new people.  Thanks for sharing your es&h with me on this topic.  (((hugs))  TT



-- Edited by tiredtonite on Tuesday 28th of October 2014 10:10:06 PM

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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 7576
Date:

I am happy to read that you are responding to an interior call to move beyond the confines of what has been your world for awhile and into a new life. It reminds me of a song I learned in Campfire Girls: "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold." To risk being vulnerable and outside your comfort zone is courage in action. I love to see that in others.  I do think when one is willing to branch out and meet new people, it is a credit to those who have loved us and encouraged us for a move into the unknown.  And perhaps those people who pinched us a bit helped us make the decision to move forward, too? 



-- Edited by grateful2be on Tuesday 28th of October 2014 10:49:22 PM



-- Edited by grateful2be on Tuesday 28th of October 2014 10:50:46 PM

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig

bud


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 2071
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thank you for the inspiring share! ((TT))

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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 5075
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Your relationship sounds really good tt. Its amazing how well you both handled it. I admire you because if I was in a relationship with someone In recovery I would spend my time what iffing. Im terrified of alcoholism, fills me with fear so much so that ive been single a while now and im just not open to it. I feel like I would need a full background and health check before I will be open to another relationship. I suppose ive got more healing to do. I really like people in recovery as well, they are my favourite people to be with. I like the chat and the 12 step life. Anyway, going on a wee bit. Thanks for the post.

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