The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I had a long talk with AH last Friday. I calmly told him that even though I am no longer obsessing or talking (or nagging) about his drinking, I am still very concerned and not happy about it. I don't want to give him the impression that, just because I am learning how to cope more maturely with MY life, that I am ok with his drinking and how it affects our family. I let him know that I am aware that he is drinking morning, noon and night now...I set down the boundary that he WILL NOT drive me or our kids anywhere if he has had anything to drink. I let him know that I am concerned about his health and the fact that his surgeon told him 3 years ago that he needed to stop drinking because of liver disease. I told him I didn't really want to live my life without him, but that I am going to concentrate on making sure the kids and I will be ok if he does die from liver disease.
He told me that drinking is all he thinks about. It is a constant battle and he knows he needs to stop but he likes drinking so much. He said (Friday) that he was going to stop. Monday would be the day. Well sadly I have heard this before, so I don't really even bat an eyelash or get my hopes up. It's just another day and I know how it will end, so it's whatever.
I am going to a meeting tomorrow, come hell or hgh water. I am feeling this wierd calm, a numbing...I don't really like it, but I feel less volatile. I really feel my HP working in me.
I am reading ya'lls posts, but I really don't feel like I am in a position to give anyone advice right now, so I have not been responding much. I can't tell ya'll how much I am learning and how thankful I am for each and every one of you and your strength and committment to recovery!
You don't need luck. Instead, you need attitude, which is what makes your luck, and it sounds like you have it! I know how intimidating it all is, but once you get to a meeting, you will wonder why you were so nervous about it. Meetings are just like this board - all kinds of different people coming together to help each other deal with a common problem.
Too bad he can't tell the difference between liking drinking so much and simply being slave to it and addicted to it. I remember thinking I "liked" drinking when actually the only thing I liked about it was not being in withdrawal from it. Odds are great that he won't be able to quit without meetings or a program.
You, on the other hand, sound great. You are doing well and taking good steps using Alanon and by attending alanon. Keep it up!
You're off to a great start, Fairlee. Taking care of you and your kids is what's most important and where your focus needs to be right now. You can't control what your A does, whether he quits drinking or starts going to AA, that's all on him. You could drag him to a treatment center but if he's not ready to quit, he won't.
Alcoholism is a dreadful progressive disease . Denial of the severity of the condition is one of the powerful symptom. Every alcoholic dreams of control, and it is so very sad to experience. I am glad you are taking care of yourself and attending meetings. Prayers for all concerned
Good for you. It will get easier as you keep attending meetings, reading the books and trusting your higher power. Im sorry your husband continues to drink but its his choice, his life. The good news is your life doesnt habe to be miserable. Setting boundaries gained me my freedom, working out what I will and wont tolerate, saying it once, acting if the boundary is crossed. This helped me trust myself and ive felt safer since.
Fairlee, it sounds as though you have laid down some good boundaries, and you have told your a exactly how you feel. I remember when I first came to Al-Anon, I wondered how can I not be angry and throw fits. I don't want him to think that because I'm not throwing fits that I'm giving him permission to drink. But be assured they know how we feel. So no need to say anything else. Now you can focus on you and your program.
Let go and Let God, and take one day at a time.
It works if you work it.
__________________
Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold O-on P-pain E-ends
Yes Fairlee.....get to your meeting tomorrow! I felt so good with my refound al-anon tools that my almighty brain convinced me I could talk logic to the A in my life. Well, we know how that turned out. Just sharing with you the benefit of my hindsight which may have absolutely nothing to do with you, so leave what you want. When I started feeling good, I dropped off on meetings. Yet attending meetings does indeed do something great for me. Go figure! Wishing you all the best. My ah is also talking about a programme, but you know I just don't have enough water to attend to that emotional bud. It can wither and die, or find its own rain. ((Hugs))
