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Post Info TOPIC: Forgiveness


~*Service Worker*~

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Forgiveness


I am working on forgiveness for my dry ah. First i need to forgive myself 

for my own past sins then forgive my ah for his current sins of adultery. 

I need to do this to move on, i will forgive him and hand him over to

the care of God To deal with Him.I can not sit in judgement of AH it

is not my job.

 

i am doing this more for me than him. I am feeling bitter and not finding 

much joy in life anymore. I need to move forward. It was the subject last

night at divorce care. I am ready For this to happen, i do not need to tell

Ah i forgive him. He is living on the dark side that is his choice to make

not mine.



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~*Service Worker*~

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Dear Mirandac - great topic ---I agree forgiveness is essential to my well-being and I too needed to become objective,process my part in the entire situation, own it and then decide to forgive myself first. I forgave myself by being honest about who I was, attending meetings, working the steps and slogans. After I had done that for a while I was ready to let go of any anger and resentment I held towards others. Once I let go of the anger forgiveness followed easily.

Good work

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

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Forgiveness is HUGE to our recovery. It releases us from the past, from our bondage to negative feelings and resentment. It's never easy but it sounds like you are working on moving forward so that you can find peace and serenity for you, in your own life. Trust your HP, turn it over to him, and let go and let God. HUGS!

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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!


~*Service Worker*~

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Forgiveness is always about us. I am the only one who can forgive someone else. They can't forgive themselves for any wrongs done to me. Therefore forgiveness starts with me, is about my attitude during the act, and continues with me. It is a serenity bringer, perhaps the most important one.

This is why someone doesn't have to ask my forgiveness for me to give it. Indeed, he may still be actively offending me. But my attitude towards it is what keeps me in line with HP. I don't have to put up with it any longer, so I may cut that person out of my life, but I don't have to hold a grudge about it any more either, walk around badmouthing that person, etc.

Great topic, thanks for bringing it up!

Kenny

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~*Service Worker*~

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Thank you all for your insights. I think i am more ready now than
I was a month ago. I want to feel calm again, be happy, not on
Edge,feel centered. I am having a tough time functioning,
i am doing all the Right things for healing and moving forward
for a me and hp life.

I want him to hurt as much as i do and i havent been
Shy about what he has done to me.I need to back off and
accept the situation as it is. He can live His life as he sees
Fit, not how i would like it. We both have our Own hp's.
And our own paths to follow.



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~*Service Worker*~

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Mirandac, forgiveness is such a valuable tool, but sometimes so difficult to achieve. For me, forgiveness is like setting yourself free from  prison. The song "Forgiveness" by Matthew West explained this little concept best to me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1Lu5udXEZI

 

It works if you work it!

 

 



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Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold  O-on  P-pain E-ends

Linda-



~*Service Worker*~

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I think thats when things started getting much better for me, when I forgave. I was bitter and resentful and full of anger too, learning to forgive and letting it go was the biggest thing that helped me. Its not about the other person, its about us. I had to think of my ex as a person with a disease, a sickness and his behaviour and choices were not about hurting me, not really, it was part of his disease of alcoholism. I felt better about that. Not forgiving was hurting me. Forgiving gave me back my power, he no longer had the power to make me feel angry or sad. So glad your forgiving too.

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Newbie

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I read this......
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing, end them.
--Shakespeare's Hamlet

Then in a book about forgiveness, by Dr. Luskin, I read this...
Forgiveness--
While not the only choice, is a skillful way to deal with "The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune".

It really hit me hard, that forgiveness could be that HUGE of a tool for ME.
I try every day to practice the techniques in this book and find forgiveness coming easier. It has been helping me to release and let go of the anger and resentment I have stored up.
There is also a bible verse I like that says we should forgive 7 times 70 times, and it reminds me that I consciously must make the choice to do this.
It's really hard to forgive long-term set in injustices, or ones that keep coming over and over, but we have to keep trying, so that we can get to a better place for ourselves.
I think it has been one of the best things for me. I hope it will be for you too.


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~*Service Worker*~

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Thank you all for your wisdom. My head knows its his disease but my
Heart does not accept it because he is dry. He is certainly acting like
An a or addictive personality. I can not stop or change him. Ah is doing
His aa recovery his way.

I will work on me tonite. Do some readings and meditate and try to pray.

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~*Service Worker*~

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You have received wonderful ESH!

Forgiving them is hard but if we don't then it prevents us from feeling centered. I can stay mad, angry and upset at the way things are playing out, or I can choose to seek my HP and keep the focus on my recovery.



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~*Service Worker*~

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Hi, Mirandac

 

excellent post and i applaud you for getting this far where you can forgive....i struggled with 4giveness for a long time until i realized that ....NO it is not ok what they did...and NO i do not have to have them back in my life....NO , what they did was unacceptable,  but  I CHOOSE to release them to their separate path, away from me and let the universe teach them the lessons they need  (after I have done all i need to do to take care of me)......i have 4given many whom i never thought i wold be able to.....the only evil i cannot forgive is one who preys upon children......i don't 4give evil, but I do..as soon as i deal with the feelings,  I DO turn them over to their maker and disconnect from them....this is just my opinion....just my take....some acts are just not 4givable and I don't try to struggle with it, but i do turn over the negative feelings I have to the universe and release me from being bonded or tied to them in any way.....thank you for your brave share.....good on you, deciding to move on and take care of you



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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!! 



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1662
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Thank you both for your wisdom. I feel really free today like 100 pound weight
Off my back just coming to that decision. I worked on forgiving in my head and
Thoughts. I have not cried as much today more settled in my mind.

Getting divorced is so stressful and awful at the same time. I still love my ah
But i hate his disease. There is nothing more i can do, i can not undo the past.



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PP


~*Service Worker*~

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Hugs, Mirandac...big big hugs

 



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Paula



~*Service Worker*~

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Awesome post and step work. I had to let go and forgive my exAH for so many things including cheating and it was a huge relief to no longer carry it around. It is hard to let someone off the hook, but it reminds me of the slogan resentments are like drinking poison wishing for the other person to die. It poisons us to hold on to the hurt and feelings of it without releasing and letting go. I still have to remind myself to just let go of things out of my control, but once I do the freedom of it is amazing! Sending you love and support!

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."



~*Service Worker*~

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This prayer is helping me with forgiveness

god please help me to be free of anger and to see that the world and it's people have dominated me.

show me that the wrong doing of others has the power to actually kill me.

help me to master my resentments by understanding that the people who wronged me were perhaps spiritually sick. Please help me to show tolerance, pity and patience That I would to a sick friend. help me to see that this man is sick.

 

My partner is active after two years sober in AA I am moving on but this prayer helps me to remember none of it is personal it's not acceptable but I want to forgive and move on with my life. 

Hugs tracy xxxx



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~*Service Worker*~

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Forgiveness frees you and helps you release yourself from any control he and his disease have had in your life. When you are free, you will no longer hurt to the degree you are now. You will be able to love again once you close the door on this relationship and move on into whatever life your HP has prepared for you. No man is worth ulcers, migraines, insomnia, low self esteem, high blood pressure, lack of joy or peace in my experience. I'm glad you are choosing freedom and release for yourself.

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1662
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Thank you all for your wisdom. I hope my fog can start to lift
To focus on me and my recovery not him and his disease. There
Is nothing more i can do to change or better my marriage. I need
To leave everything to the care of god and really start to heal.
Let ah consequences fall where they must not my business.

Thank you for the prayer tracy i will write it down to reread often.

(((Hugs)))

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