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Having a lot of difficulty coping with daughters alcohol abuse. I know I am not responsible raised her right in fact I feel rather resentful that I am having to even deal with this as put a huge amount of time and effort into parenting and now I feel cheated. I guess I had convinced myself that if I did all the work of parenting properly she would be okay. nope I was wrong big time! Do not understand what went wrong. she has had every privilege, has been loved and cared for her entire life, yet somehow has crossed over to the other side and seems to be more comfortable with addicts. Lieing and stealing have become the norm and I am at my wits end. Have talked till I am blue in the face and it falls on deaf ears. Find it incredibly hard to detach as a parent as feel it is my job to set her straight on the right path. It is unbelievable how much she has changed. any advice guidance from others whom have been through this would be welcome.
I know the feeling and I feel your pain.. I too am a mother of an addict adult son. Today he sits in a jail cell. I raised him as a single mother to the best of my ability. I can truly relate. I thought I could fix him. It took so many that walked in his shoes to speak to me and tell me it's ok to love him from a distance. His life choices consumed my life 110%.. This disease effects the whole family. But I had to let him go and find his way. It was the worst feeling I endured. But I needed to save me. I had to move out of gods way and allow my son to hit his bottom. If jail was where God intervened and that is why my son is there .. I thank him daily. I paid thousands of dollars to rehabs , sober livings, medications. But my A son was not ready.. I can't say jail maybe what he needs to be a huge eye opener for him.. But I can pray and walk with faith.. Most important I need to continue to seek help for me. Your not alone.. I am still a work in progress. He made a choice in his adult life and i needed to make a choice to save me. I love him unconditionally and my son knows that. I can love and care for him from a far .. I finally got tired of being tired. many prayers to you and your daughter.
Aloha Serenity47 and welcome to the MIP board. You will find tons of help here "if you keep and open mind". There will be tons of suggestions which will help many changes if you follow thru on them or some of them. For me my Al-Anon education on what alcoholism is and does to the alcoholic and those affected by the alcoholic was life changing. I learned that it was about disease and not moral issue and that my alcoholic/addict wife was a sick person and not a bad person. There is so much information out there to help your perception and also focus on your own peace of mind and serenity whether you daughter continues to drink or not, lie or not, cheat and steal or not. Keep coming back here and look for the hotline number for the Al-Anon Family Groups in the white pages of your local telephone book. Call that number and go as soon as you can. Check out the literature table when you are there and listen to what is shared and the similarities to your situation. I have an alcoholic/addict son who has been affected by this disease just like I was from birth...generational predisposition is what it is called and today it doesn't bother me because of the program. (((((hugs)))))
My son chose the dark side too. The reasons why, I dont think il ever know for sure but his fathers an alcoholic, he was brought up in an alcoholic home, my father was an alcoholic so it could be in his genes from all directions. Nature or nurture? Who knows. Im more inclined to believe he learned it from his role model, his father.
The cumpulsion to drink, the addiction comes from genes, im sure, because my other children are not addicted. Anyway, it doesnt matter why in the grand scheme of things. What matters to me is handling it properly, so as not to make it worse for everybody involved. Ive learned to handle it much better, I no longer enable, control, manipulate, scold, judge, fix, mother, obsess. I detach with love, love unconditionally much more now, I give respect, courtesy, kindness, i dont give advice, i get on with my own life and let him get on with his. The whole situation for everyone has improved. I learned this at alanon, meetings, readings, sponsor and here on mip. Good luck to you, i hope you grab alanon like yours and your daughters life depended on it.
-- Edited by el-cee on Sunday 26th of October 2014 06:08:36 AM
It is a powerful addiction. It didn't fall upon me because I had bad parenting. In fact, the good parenting I had later helped me when I did get into recovery.
You have come to the right place so don't think you can do this alone because you can't. I tried everything in my power to help my son but in the end I had to let go with love and kindness. Love and kindness was in order for me also. I had to learn to get rid of the hurt and worry. To get rid of the enabling and quilt that I was the reason my son was killing himself.
Go back and read our stories here, they will help you understand my friend.
Keep coming back because we understand and will help you understand
(( hugs ))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Thank you everyone for the replies. I slept well last night for the first time in months. She is in treatment at the moment and I am just really trying to focus on me and the rest of the family instead of being consumed by thought s of her and what will happen when she gets out. I know what will happen is what she wants to happen and I need to stand aside and allow that. It is nice to know that I am not alone.
