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Post Info TOPIC: im just FINE


Senior Member

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im just FINE


Friday was awful. I feel like a failure. Staring at a drunk bum on my couch, I could no more detach than I could grow wings and fly. Here it was,my opportunity to release all the anger,confusion,hurt. Oh its 6 in the morning,well who cares,this can't wait. I'm off. Its almost a blur. No need for details,they are one and the same around the world. Had a massive physical reaction, turns out I'm "experiencing abnormal levels of stress" as well as managing to get dehydrated. I end up asking him to leave he wont go. I insist,I poison with words, he goes. My body shuts down,completely shuts down. The pain in my head is so intense I feel like its going to implode at the temples,I need to throw up,but haven't eaten for a few days so nothing comes out. Two daughters sleep,my autistic preschooler follow me moaning to himself.I can not do anything. I have to call him back,not because I want him anywhere near me,but because I literally can not get up, and there is dinner,bath and bed to get through times three.he returns and thinks I have a sore head because he hit it. I've taken some knocks in my time,it wasn't that. It was the anger. Next day,I need to get out of this house. We all end up going,take kids to parks the pool to eat. Wei ask him how many times have you screwed other people, I lawyer the situation attacking with logic and a memory for fact,deny deny ad it when have to. I ebb and flow till all the rage is gone.we sit by side of road,we talk,he has said he loves his family and what it is to have it he will get into a program,I tell hum,I don't even know if I can be a wife to recovering addiction,that recovery is for life,and this addictions gonna be part of it. Out of all this I know three options, alanon recovery for me, or drugs to numb my pain or continue on and maybe die of an aneurysm or stroke. Stark. Lo



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PP


~*Service Worker*~

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Which option will it be?  it sounds like you are trying too manage way too much, alone.  Without an active alcoholic in the picture it is still too much to manage without support and your husband will not be able to assist.  Even if he begins to work a recovery program today, he will not be able to provide what you need to raise your family.  You need help ASAP.  Hugs for you and your family.



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Paula



~*Service Worker*~

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You dont sound fine, you sound like youve reached the end of your tether. Do you have anyone you can call? The alanon helpline might be the very thing to help. If you have a meeting near you. Reach out, it sounds like you have reached a bottom. Its a dark place but theres nowhere to go but up. There is hope, there is recovery if you want it. Take care of yourself, it sounds like your wee kids need you fit and healthy.

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Senior Member

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Thanks el-cee. Fine is an aa acronym. F"d up,Insecure,Needy and Emotional. Recovery feels hard,drugs are not my thing,continuing on may kill me. That's all I know for today. Paula,you mean well,but your reply makes me feel defensive. I don't know what your husbands like,but mine works,spends time with his children and actually delivered one of our daughters.having said that,I'm well aware that recovery is a living process,full of ups and downs,and as I said,I don't know if I can be the wife to addiction period,recovering or active. Its all very well to say,gee you need support,but sometimes in life it just isn't there,boo hoo,that's the world. The autistic one has learning supports in place,they have daycare,I get half a break every now and then,I have non alanon friends, alanon is where I relate to issues around addiction. That is my current support network and I prefer not to blur them.you want to speak alanon to me,ok,I can take that. Advice on my family,not yet,maybe not ever.esh yes that's helpful.


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~*Service Worker*~

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AQUAMOM Hugs my dear friend You are a strong, beautiful ,kind, generous, compassionaate woman and loving mother You will be in my prayers.



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

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aquamom, you are not a failure by any means. I don't think many could stand up under the stress you have described. The only esh I can offer is take one day at a time. Only you know what is best for you. I pray HP will give you guidance with this.

((aquamom))



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Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold  O-on  P-pain E-ends

Linda-

PP


~*Service Worker*~

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I wish you the best, Aquamom.



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Paula



~*Service Worker*~

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I want to respond to you, am thinking really hard and looking for my own experience.

Finding, wanting to say the obvious, but knowing you have kids you must consider.

If you had a broken twisted leg needed surgery and recovery, you go to doc and take care of it. Someone, who? would take care of kids so you could rest and recover?

So now you have a broken heart, you're very sick from the A disease. What do we do? We go to meetings, do you have a sponsor? I would sure go to a meeting and see if anyone fits for you.

You can pm someone here you feel comfy with to help you problem solve, or just listen.

I know what you mean about not eating and feeling nauseated. I liken it, when dealing with an active A, to eating so much poop and ya just cannot take it anymore and want to throw it up.

I am nervous now about crossing to the other side...thing. Ok if I were  you, and I was, I went to my wonderful doctor. When I get that dang not eating, dehydrated, thing I take a very little bit of phenergan. It relaxes me and my guts. They I can sip something. Egg flower soup is soo good when you get where your life is making you sick. sip water.

I KNOW its hard. If you go to doc, and can get your body a bit back on track your mind will follow. Its ok to be weak, you have swallowed all the crap you can. On overload.

Probably not a time to talk about anything with the A. His disease has drained you. If you can get to meetings, and need to take a pillow to lay your head down and listen do it. this is YOUR recovery.

do you have any numbers to call from others in the group, if you go, to meetings?

There are counselors who do have experience with the non A in a relationship who can guide you.

Sleep is vital, what are you doing for you? What do you need? Want?

I know what it is, you want the A disease to go, but you need your husband! Yes he will always be A.

Myself I could not, would not go back to my AH recovery or not. that is just me. I know I am not strong enough, would rather be where I am.

I hope I did not step on toes or anything. Just sharing as best I can what I get from your share.

Mainly the truth is i care very much and I do know that horrible feeling of losing it, and not sure how to come back. I do know letting it go for awhile and doing my best to get healthy works for me.

I was just in an icky place, doing a lot as you. But with the peoples help here and my son, I realized what needed fixing, and what was buggen me. I began on the meds a bit, to stop my bodies letting go, ugh, ate mashed potatoes and peaches and water and it was delicious. slowly ate very easy food. Found out what I needed to do,and doing it. won't be easy but it is right.

For me not having tenants, not having to take care of them, put up with even the slightest boloney is what I need to do. I will lose some income, some help. But I feel more serene now.

I am saying this becuz maybe the decision you may come to will mean a letting go so you can be well honey. NOT telling you what to do. But believe me, you will come to a decision, a clarity. Get close to hp.

we are here for you, debilyn



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon



~*Service Worker*~

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Recovery saved my life, no exaggeration. Ive heard many members say that. Alanon saved my life. I actually have a life now that I enjoy thanks to alanon. It didnt take long to feel better either, from my very first meeting. If you cant get to meetings, then I suggest, going to the alanon website, clicking onto shop and looking at the leaflets and booklets. They cost buttons but they are full of wisdom that I clung to in the beginning. There are online meetings here. Meetings are safe environments, confidential and people offer you no advice or judgement they just know what it feels like.

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PP


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 3964
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I have been reflecting on your response to my post from yesterday.  I knew best to wait to respond as I had had a long, tiring day yesterday.  You had mentioned feelings of defensiveness with the post...thank you for your honesty.  It was not my intention to do you any harm, and, for that I am sorry.  



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Paula



~*Service Worker*~

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Hello Aquamom,

Just wanted to drop by and see how you are doing today?

I hope that you have your feet up, a glass of water by your side and perhaps some soup. anything that helps you to feel snug and cared for.

I dropped two dress sizes as a result of AH's drinking. I was sipping camomile tea for breakfast and putting calming drops in my water. I was in a proper funk. Its ghastly. All those times when I said 'I'm fine, and I had no idea how closely it related to how I really felt - thank you for that. Hope to hear your news soon. Thinking of you in the meantime.

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Senior Member

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I just went through this exact same thing,In September I was sick as can be. Couldn't eat,couldn't sleep.I woke up one night with a panic attack and i prayed,I said god I am a sick little girl and I need you.I picked up the phone and made an appointment with a therapist,she suggested al-anon.I started meetings , all I could do was put one foot in front of the other,I ate toast and drank hot tea,took bubble baths and listened to relaxing music,I ended the relationship with the A in my life and every day gets better.Today my house is quiet,I hear the birds outside and my dog and cat are sleeping peacefully and I am getting better physically and emotionally.I wish you peace.



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Mary



Senior Member

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Posts: 287
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I really appreciate all the care. Less fine today, got some good sleep, not keen on a toxic stuck in my head aftermath,that I can change. But nothings going to get better in this prison house. El-Cee you're correct,up is the only way. Debilyn,oh I just am so grateful for your wisdom,and the love,wisdom and truth in your words. Also, no ones called me honey for years! Makes me remember people in my life who were good friends, how I miss that. Paula, thanks, we are but human,can't say my relating skills are crash hot at the moment,in hindsight I should have walked away took what I wanted and left the rest.No harm done. Milkwood that was real nice to stop by, its an awful weight loss plan isn't it?! Nice to meet you Mary. I have no updates, just gonna try not let this setback define me,see it for what it was,pick up again,fake it till I make it on the mom front. So damn hard to be aware and function in all these different areas all of which need different tools all of which are interrelated and share priority. Maybe I should just throw myself into all of them abs and pretend I'm a single mum with a flatmate? Hugs and gratitude to each and everyone of you.

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Senior Member

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Posts: 287
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ok. Attended online meeting and as always,right what I needed was there. Meetings are part of self care,no ifs buts maybes. The slumps are part of the journey nd need not lead to total relapse.....hence progress not perfection.im going to take it easy on me. And eggdrop soup OMG sooo amazing. I add a little ginger and garlic, five minutes tops and there's tasty nourishment in a bowl.my kids and I we thank you Debilyn for this practical,available thing we can eat. Every mother should have that recipe imho.love you all. Edna.



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~*Service Worker*~

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I'm off to look up egg drop soup recipes
Thank you for the update, sounds like you are taking some good steps. Wishing you a good day today (((((hugs))))).



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Senior Member

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Posts: 295
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I have a friend who grew up with an A Dad. Her mom was the kindest, most patient woman I think I have ever met. They divorced years ago but got remarried (back to each other) years later. Anyway, she died recently of a heart attack. She was in her 50's and pretty healthy! I can't help but think that what killed her was years of stress dealing with her AH...I don't want that for any of us...I hope that you will be able to deal with your overload of stress in a healthful way. It sounds like you have sooo much going on right now. Hugs!!!

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