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Post Info TOPIC: Feeling Really Stupid


Veteran Member

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Posts: 25
Date:
Feeling Really Stupid


Tomorrow is my last day at work. My boss is coming in from another office to take me out to lunch. She told me to invite whoever I wanted to come along. I gathered quite a few people - mostly people in the same sort of position as myself.  My old boss adjusted her appointments to come and one of my old teammates wants to be there too. These people I am not surprised are coming. As the day went on, other people who always ignored me suddenly had an interest in me and wished me well. I'm just not myself right now from being overwhelmed with the awful behavior from a few of my current team members and with leaving the workplace for good. I don't know what got into me but I asked a few of my new team who have acted nice to come to the lunch which made sense. Suddenly, I found myself inquiring as to whether they thought the other two who had been so rotten to me would be interested in coming. The nice gal I spoke to said she thought they would. She's a very amiable person so it was a natural response. I don't know where my mind was because the next thing I found myself doing was letting my current boss know what a big group would be coming and then telling her about the two "nice" team members coming and then saying that maybe I should email the "rotten" ones and invite them as well. She told me it was nice of me.  Well, duh! Of course it is after how awful they've been to me. It's like my mind wasn't working. She told me she would extend the invite to them. Now I'm sorry and feel like I betrayed my own feelings. On my way home I began feeling fearful and physically sick about it. I know one of them is likely not coming due to a commitment but the other will be in the office. I don't know what happened. I found myself in that moment just forgetting myself. I think maybe I cared more about what other people who are coming would think if they saw her sitting there while we left for lunch. I can't tell you how many times she left me there as the only one left uninvited. But because I was working for her team now, I gave her power over me. I started worrying about awkward questions about why she wasn't there so the next thing I was inviting her and him. I know she may not come but yet it irks me that I set myself up to be rejected by her. What was I thinking?!  I wasn't!  I know tomorrow will be a matter of hours and then I won't have to see her or the other one again. Honestly, have you ever done this stuff and just felt like kicking yourself?  Maybe I catch my supervisor in the morning and if she hasn't extended the invitation to these people, ask her not to. I guess if either or both of them come, I'm just going to have to make the best of it.  Just wanted to get these feelings out. thanks  TT 



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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 717
Date:

Oh TT,

Yes I have done this and do it still, no matter how people treat me or as much as they hurt me I can still feel compassion and sadness for them when a situation arises where by I could chose to treat them as badly as they treated me, I can and do and have extended my hand of kindness, often times after I have regretted it but this is about me not them, my heart does not look for the bad in people only the good, I do not want to treat people as they have treated me, I think it's all about our motives really and how it sits with us after, I am learning to not care what others think of me, it's all about us and our feelings, it's all a learning experience at the end of the day as much for her as you, I would be more concerned on why it matters so much to me, that I feel the rejection from someone that I know is not healthy for me to be around.

love

Katy

 x



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Katy


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1887
Date:

I would have invited her too, and my motive mightn't have been perfect but to me its like saying "you haven't bothered me enough for me to even really notice, so, feel free to come along, whoever you are" or something like that lol.
I would actually see not inviting her when everyone else is invited as singling her out and giving her power. Just me.
I hope it's a nice lunch anyway. And I secretly hope HER meal is cold, or too spicy or the chef slips with the salt, lol, just kidding


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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)

PP


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 3964
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No matter how I feel about how others have treated me, I cannot leave them out when there is a gathering of people.  It becomes non negotiable to me and I cannot recall ever having regretted it.  You will be a gracious queen, TT.



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Paula



Veteran Member

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Posts: 25
Date:

Thanks for your responses. I see you understand. And yes... my initial feeling was just rise above her immaturity and insecurities and invite her because you CAN.  I felt it was the gracious thing to do. I realize many of my coworkers don't know what the dynamics were and suddenly a luncheon which was mean't for me might become something different. It wasn't until I reached out to a few of my trusted coworkers who weren't in the office that I began doubting my choice to include her. They were shocked I invited her. That's when I began doubting my decision.  Thanks for helping me sort out my feelings. 

Katy.. you're right about considering why her rejection of me would matter.  Ultimately, it doesn't.  My initial reaction was to feel I left her open for a parting shot but with more thought and having calmed down now, I don't really care what she does.  I'm moving on now and she isn't going to make or break my life.  It's a done deal. I'm out of that workplace.

I do feel a sense of relief to know I'll be leaving the whole environment. My immediate supervisor who is taking me to lunch told me on the phone that the changes to our work and responsibility thaat have been put on us to make things work with these teams has been "INTERESTING" and a "challenge to say the least."  I know she's fed up too but has much more time invested and much more to lose if she leaves.  I can be grateful I'm getting out early.

I'll let you know how it goes today. Thanks for sharing with me.  Now where did I put my tiara wink   TT 



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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3653
Date:

My dear old old old friend i oughta smack you. geeeeeez!! I think MUCH more of you for inviting them and not being petty, and sinking to their level!

Sometimes lady! What do I have to do to get thru that pretty head of yours??? NO negative talk, we know you are not stupid, well at least about this, lol.

This shows you to be the righteous person you are. TT I have watched you grow and progress for over ten years now. You are a fine person who would never be rude or mean to anyone.

To me it sounds like you have forgiven them, yet not their behavior. Why would make you want to be like them, and single them out? That would make you look bad for sure.

I am so darn proud of you! So put on your pretty smile. You have practiced the beautiful, "To Thine Own Self be True!"

Let us know how it goes and stop with the negative talk about yourself my dear, NOW.

NO, that is not advice, its a demand from someone who knows you! Love you kiddo, Debilyn



-- Edited by Debilyn on Friday 24th of October 2014 12:56:24 PM

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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon



Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 282
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I read somewhere (quoting this wrong, but this is the general idea) that Forgiveness is not an eraser that wipes the slat clean but rather is more like a pair of scissors that cuts the strings of resentment that bound you to that person

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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3653
Date:

oh I like that ignutah. (c:

 



__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon



Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 25
Date:

Thank you, (OO) oinkers. You do love me!!! wink

It actually was a very good day.  The two nice girls from that team didn't come to the lunch. I knew they had a meeting and would have had to cut out early anyway.  I did come back to a card on my desk that I know the one who was always leading with nice behavior bought because the handwriting that addressed it was the same as the message from her. It was sent around the office and a lot of people signed it while I was out to lunch about a dozen people who I invited. The two nasty people from that team didn't attend the lunch. I later found out that the guy put in his resignation and is leaving next week. I told my immediate supervisor sarcastically that it was nice of him to put me through so much crap considering he was quitting. She nodded. She gave me a nice card and a small gift at lunch and bought my lunch. My old boss came too and promised to meet for coffee and remain a reference. The nasty woman from that team sent me a best of luck email and I was professional and wished her and her remaining team members the best. The head of my department (from top down) sent me one of those customary emails which was addressed to no one but myself recapping my service, thanking me and wishing me well. I responded with my thanks.  One of my closer friends at the office lost their mom and emailed to tell me they couldn't come to my lunch and when I sent an ecard, sent a sad message about how much they were hurting. I told my old boss and said I know you're the right person to tell because you'll be kind to them when they come back. I said I didn't think the news had been sent to everyone. She said she had not heard but would be sure to express condolences and get a card. Someone told me they were sorry to see me go because they would have no one they could vent to, another because she didn't have many people in the office she could talk to (no surprise). She said, "You're so humble," and she brought her little girl in to say good bye to me and gave me a beautiful candle and said she wanted to be a reference for me and even right me a letter.  We agreed that the majority of the "real" people were now gone. 

My old boss was playing phone tag for the last few days with someone who called for a reference for a contract job I applied for. 

Well.... while I blowing my nose and teary eyed on the way home, an email was in my home email with a job offer for that contract job. :)  It's not my dream job but I won't even be out of work a week.  I'm going to take it and see how it is. I'm just one of many they are hiring. It's a pay check and I can keep looking.

So it was kind of a whirlwind day huh?  After all that wringing of my hands, hp was there through it all taking care of me.  And... now I'm going to go to f2f because I sure could use a meeting :)  Thanks for caring and for your support. I like your quote too, Ignutah. I am so relieved to be moving on.  TT

 



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