Just to clarify, I assumed A was going to stay at his brothers when he moved his big furniture out. I didn't know he planned to come back, but I have no legal right whatsoever to have him leave, he's a joint tenant, I'm not sure exactly how people think I would prevent him from coming and going from a house he is legally entitled to live in, I guess the same was as some of you are able to take the car keys from drunk people, for me that would just be dangerous. This house is big and not secure, with huge picture windows, doors that I have already seen yield to a single kick, so if I feel unsafe my only option is to get away from here, not stay and kid myself I can keep anyone out. He could be in here in 10 seconds if he wanted, the sliding glass door just lifts off its hinges in fact, from outside. It's how he has gotten in when i have been out and he forgot his keys. And last time I called the police...in a PANIC and said that I needed them as soon as possible and I was afraid they took more than 30 minutes.  Plus he's been paying the rent he owes here so once again, no legal reason on earth to prevent him from being here and no way to enforce it if I tried, and I'm  perplexed by peoples suggestions that i have "invited" or 'let him in". I have to be here to clean the house, so i can get my deposit refunded, he is actually out mowing the lawn (after a false start yesterday) and I think he will because he was a drunken moron last night and now he's in suck-up and pretend he's superman mode. But at no point have I asked him to come back or tried to make nice with him, i just mistakenly though once he'd moved his furniture to his brothers, he would leave me in peace to clean the mess. Am I JADEing? Whatever, I hear the same things said about me enough times I need to clarify them (or maybe I don't, I don't know), getting out of here and away from A, great idea. Trying to keep him out while I sleep here? Dangerous and not possible and a good way of poking the bear.

ANYWAY since he has been beligerant and awful lately, when i saw he was drinking i decided, nope, not going to risk it so first I went to see that man....he was nice enough, I think, a recovering or dry A? I think so, the only thing on the verandah was a Jim Beam deck chair, the house was very very sparse, it had that feel. Maybe I can just sense it, I don't know but I'd bet money on him being an A, although he didnt appear to have been drinking. But he was friendly, the rooms were nice, sectioned off with their own little bathroom in between, I think it could work but wouldn't be very comfortable. We had to repeat ourselves quite frequently as he forgot what we had said 2 minutes ago, he in fact reminded me very much of A's alcoholic uncle, mild mannered and quiet, confused and like a dog with a bone over strange things, I could envision it, there I go projecting. Anyway he was nice, probably not the right person for my daughter and I to live with though.

ANYWAY I was glad I did the drive, I was scared as I had to negotiate some really busy traffic at peak hour on the way home and do a horrible merging thing I have been scared of doing for ages, so I felt good about it.

When I got home A was using the petrol he was given to mow the lawn to burn things in the back yard, it looked like a disaster waiting to happen, and he was stupid and drunk and slurry and dangerous. I decided to get out of there so daughter and I grabbed what we needed and got in the car and went and got chinese takeaway, took the dog for a run on the beach, went and used the bathrooms at a caravan park to clean our teeth etc and then hunkered down in my car for the night, funnily enough in the carpark of the church where my al-anon meetings are. I figured if we were seen sleeping in the car, the church people would be the least likely to call the police and get me fined. I was shocked to find her asleep within minutes of laying down, I actually wasn't far behind and slept until the sun woke me up, I can't believe how well I slept squished up in the car. 

ANYWAY heres the development, with less than 24 hours until the end of everything, GUESS where I am going to be staying?

I would never ever have forseen this. A was drunkenly blabbering at our back neighbour yesterday and she's come and has offered me a room (and lots of eye-rolling about the state of A when he was talking to her) , one of her sons has moved out. She has goats and dogs and loves our dog like family already as he used to be in her yard all the time with her dogs until she got goats. She thinks we can work together to teach him that goats are not food and keep him indoors unless we are sure...she's got similar interests to me, in every way (natural medicine and witchy stuff, the house is full of insence and peacock feathers LOL, her yard is huge and full of animals and herbs and flowers, she and I have always gotten along like a house on fire I just never asked about a room as she had a full house as far as I knew and plus I was worried about her goats becoming my dog's dinner. So it's a done deal, tomorrow I am literally moving over the fence to the house behind me, and as an extra bonus she has 2 or 3 adult sons still at home, they all seem really nice so I'm not worried about A turning up drunk and forcing his way in or causing any trouble. It feels good, it feels right, it feels safe, it feels loving. I'm suddenly very happy and hoping so much that it's going to be OK.

She and her sons actually have bon-fires all the time, playing guitar and singing etc and I've sat outside listening and wishing I could go and join in a million lonely nights here so, I'm actually a little gleeful and can you believe it came about because of A drunkenly ranting at the neighbours? Seriously, I didn't see that coming.

So I'm sure there will be plenty of things to iron out but just for right now this is IT and I'm allowing myself to be a bit excited.

So like so many people here have reported, in the final 24 hours, suddenly, there it is. I'm going to go around there shortly with a few bags and just ask if I can help her clear the room.

Then back to the grindstone, so much work to still do here.

All of my stuff is already at my parents, mum says we'll work out what I need for a little while and bring it back and leave the rest there just in case, that way if it doesn't work out I just have maybe a single car-load of stuff to take with me back to her place so I sort have all bases covered whie I get everything worked out and rent my own place again, it's FANTASTIC.

Love to everyone anyway, you all said something would come right in the end and here it is, yay

(((everyone)))

-- Edited by missmeliss on Thursday 23rd of October 2014 09:49:36 PM