The material presented
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I was taught many years ago that control was a response to feeling powerless. Enter steps one to seven. Its pretty hard sometimes to work steps 3 and 6 when you are a raging control freak. I am resisting the urge to hurt myself by playing spy. Gee this is hard! Old habits become entrenched relatively quickly. Sometimes I think I like it when the a goes off and does his a thing because then I can go off at him justifiably. But I'm here instead with you guys keeping the focus on me,reminding myself how great healthy feels, reminding myself that just for today I'm gonna get some sleep,and just once I want to see what it feels like to detach truly from the behaviour of another. And all the disappointment and hurt and ugly feelings well truly they aren't about me. I'm just here learning whatever it is I need to get where I'm going. My a husband who was once a dear friend,well he's on the road to his hp and I got no business in that. And if you cant trust the creator, who can you trust? Last time I checked, I didn't design a flying bumblebee. Ok feeling the peace. I know everybody here knows exactly what I'm going through here. I see the shore. I'm gonna make it. (((hugs)))))
Yes, I can relate and it was actually a great relief when I stopped checking up on him and it no longer bothered me. It takes a great deal of energy that I learned to better use taking care of me. I used to paint my nails and do all those things that I kept putting off instead of stewing paralyzed in my head after awhile. It felt so good to use my al-anon tools and change the things I could, because doing the same things over and over only kept me feeling crazy. Good job! Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Its is Great that you are changing the things you can,
My partner has been active again for 3 months he broke a boundary and I asked him to leave. I too am fighting against the old me and my sickness to try and change things that I have no control over.
it can be hard to practice the new behaviours but every time I do I get better outcomes than I did in the past.
If I am honest my serenity has been effected by this last slip but I am only human and it does hurt when this disease starts to attack. However I respond differently today and bounce back quicker.
My partner will go down because of the choices he is making he has let go of HPs hand. I am grabbing tight hold of HP and al anon all I can do is pray for him. I have learnt the hard way how powerless I really am. My sickness temps me to get involved but I know where that will lead today.
I am learning more and more how truly separate I am from other peoples thoughts, actions behaviour. He truly is on the other side of the street from me. I am trying to keep my focus on my side of the street and keeping it clean.
I do not know what the future holds and as you say fear can trigger the wanting to control. However I do work the steps to the best of my ability and I know that this is all happening for a reason. The outcome may not be what My will wants at this moment but I know it will be what is best for me.
It truly is about trust, I have been praying which I have always done but I am building meditation into my life more and more to actually listen to HPs will and then follow it even if it is the opposite of what Tracy wants to do.
I was taught many years ago that control was a response to feeling powerless. Enter steps one to seven. Its pretty hard sometimes to work steps 3 and 6 when you are a raging control freak. I am resisting the urge to hurt myself by playing spy. Gee this is hard! Old habits become entrenched relatively quickly. I want to see what it feels like to detach truly from the behaviour of another. And all the disappointment and hurt and ugly feelings well truly they aren't about me. I'm just here learning whatever it is I need to get where I'm going. My a husband who was once a dear friend,well he's on the road to his hp and I got no business in that. And if you cant trust the creator, who can you trust? Last time I checked, I didn't design a flying bumblebee. Ok feeling the peace. I know everybody here knows exactly what I'm going through here. I see the shore. I'm gonna make it. (((hugs)))))
Ohhh this is such a good post.....sooo relate to what u r saying....the step 3 has always been my hardest point b/c I am agnostic, NOT about existence of creator, but his/her involvement in my life....so step 3?? hardest step of all....i let go b/c i am forced to and there is no other choice...not b/c i think anything is gonna help me with it...i just walk away from it......WOW!! Aqua, I am glad you showed up here.....LOTS of wisdom.....I wish i could trust creator, but at some point in my life, i became unable to fully bond and to trust fully, either....i had a real bad past....i want to move on from it, but it has made indelible marks on me......and i do relate to what u r saying.......and OH YEA, I do believe U R gonna make it............
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Standing on the shoreline cheering you on. Come On aquamom, you can make it!!!
I think detaching comes in stages. When I first started the program my detaching was moving away from ah, either leaving the house or going to another part of the house. What I was doing was physically detaching.
During my f2f meeting this morning, I was telling my sponsor that I felt different. My feelings were not the same. Somehow I am changing. She helped me to understand that I was emotionally detaching from my husband. The strings that tied me to my h when he is drinking are loosening and falling away. The responsibility I once felt is almost gone. This is emotional detachment. While it some how scares me, I feel lighter and more free.
Understanding this has helped me to understand the concept of detachment.
keep on keeping on!
It works if you work it.
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Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold O-on P-pain E-ends
Thankyou all for the wisdom and support. I look forward to emotional detachment. I find it very difficult to live with an active binging a, perform the role of wife and mother at the same time. I asked him to leave today. He refuses to go. I am stuck here at the moment in a strange country, no physical support network and three kids under 4. Dry drunk I've gotten ok at. Wet drunk just brings up every issue and I'm not "there" yet. I know what I have to do,it's just hard sometimes.
