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Post Info TOPIC: update to workplace abuse (to ANY body who has to "defer" their escape)


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 3281
Date:
update to workplace abuse (to ANY body who has to "defer" their escape)


I have this ANGER , over having to stay till i find another job, putting up w/abuse....I am soo angry that i have to "take it" till i can leave......I just can't leave $200 minimum a month , can't do it no matter how i try to work budget, so here i am , knowing I must, i am willing to give up to send away, to cast away this anger....i don't want it, and i don't want to feel THIS angry, I actually kinda shut down when he was going off on me......its like i just dissociated..i was aware, but it was like I "went away"   just like in the old days.....I knew i had to keep my cool b/c anyone that raging , i don't know what they are gonna do #1  and #2, I NEED MY JOB.........NOBODY shoudl have to live with abuse.....but here i am., having to stay till i can leave and be able to take care of myself.....

you know i have to say this...I judged..."got on" folks....me..on my high horse giving advice to my fellow recovery mates.   "oh you gotta leave" and when they CANT leave just yet, I would get on them....almost beat them up with the program.....I want to apologize to anyone I did that to...here or anywhere else....Now I am stuck in it..Now i am having to work w/a psycho,  CANT leave just yet b/c of finances.......i am angry at my being so powerless over this......so i have THAT to work on as well......I actually remember  dissociating when he was shrieking and screaming at me.....bullying me....I did the "escape" thing...I shut down....it was that bad

you guys and gals who can't leave just yet, I totally "get it", now..  sometimes one has to "defer" their escape until they CAN  are ABLE to leave...I feel so bad about being any way judgemental/pushy/beating up with the program  anyone who is stuck in this situation and cannot  leave when "neshema"  thinks they should leave...I so relate to you, any of you stuck in a bad situation b/c you want to eat and pay your bills and not end up in the poor house....

i just wanted to apologize to anyone if i did that...I can be a pushy broad and i mean well, but the way i come accross sometimes...and like I am not looking at the situation through the other's telescope, just my own, limited one...I see abuse and I go into this mode of "LEAVE"  but sometimes we CANT....NOT now.........NOBODY should have to live this way and i believe karma will "school" him for what he did to me  but i am not gonna obsess over him and the assault,

i am gonna use ALL my energy to find my center..find my peace....and GET THE H*** OUT of there..........give notice???....I am gonna put ME and MY safety first...if they want me right away, I will tell the wife that her husband is just not safe to work for and I have to leave...I will, in the meantime make sure everything is nice and clean and shiney for the next poor girl who ends up there b/c this guy cannot keep anyone....but there again...i will make sure work is up to date, clean...tidy....b/c I am gonna be walking I HOPE, soon.......and even to this person, i want to do what is right, but I am putting ME and my mental health FIRST

HUGS to all of us who, out of finances or whatever holds us back, just can't "up and walk" when another "thinks" you should....If I didn't want help, I would not be here, being totally honest, vulnerable and reaching out....for some this board is ALL they have in the WHOLE WORLD to cling to and I want to be a part of the bunch who make that world safer and more peaceful for them...Most of us do the BEST we can with the tools we have at hand...........Just saying....

 



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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!! 



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:

Nice share Neshema.
I do understand that the best we can offer to each other is our understanding and support. The answers for each individual life lies within that particular person and they must trust their inner guidance to reach HP's goal

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3281
Date:

This post was to apologize to the ones I may have been "beating up w/program"  to leave abuse, leave bad situations, not understanding their situations.... I was making amends....Well i did my part...cleaned up my side of the street...I have learned  a lesson in compassion for those of us who are "stuck"  due to no fault of our own, but by circumstances....I was judgmental...I thought I "knew how to fix someone else"  when i am battling to fix me and not always succeeding........I posted this to acknowledge that there are folks, past and present, I pushed my not esh but flat out advice  and pushy at that,  and i have taken responsibility for it, made amends and i feel better for that.....I can only clean up my side of the street.....

maybe it wasn't alanon, but it was a step 9 to folks i felt i had to make....The alanon way is to   Own what i did........take responsibility for what I did...........Make the amend...Even if that amend is only being aware and working towards healthier interaction with my fellow MIP's.........

time for breakfast,  talking with HP, asking for guidance and to help me escape this bullying situation......tomorrow is gonna be a loooong day.....am job and then going to the lion's pit on visit #2.....oh well, i will get paid for it...so what the hell????  sure hope he isn't there............wish me luck......i have to hang on till i can find replacement



-- Edited by neshema2 on Thursday 23rd of October 2014 02:13:07 PM

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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!! 



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 5075
Date:

Neshema, im sorry your going through this, I will need to read through the board because I missed your original post. I do think this is a brilliant post though. Step work and really working it in action. A deeper awareness is such a good thing and its usually when we go through a bad situation that we get it. The important bit for me is that you can own your own shortcomings and then make amends and you do it in such a loving, open way. Its such a good example for me. Havi g the courage to see ourselves, really see and then own up and then make the amends is what alanon is all about for me. Its also important to forgive yourself and also see that amazing part of yourself too and pat yourself on the back for being able to show yourself In this way. Thanks for sharing.x

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