OT - What does 90 day probationary period mean to you .. - Al-Anon Family Group

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

OT - What does 90 day probationary period mean to you ..

Green Eyes · ~*Service Worker*~

Where I work, probation when you are first hired means that you can be fired without cause in the first 90 days. When referring to medical insurance, the term is "waiting period," not "probationary period."

I used to to sell group health insurance in my former life : ) and "waiting period" is a common term in reference to how long you have to wait before coverage begins. Hope this is helpful.

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

What I guess I'm looking for is when do you think 90 days is from 10/20 ..

KennyFenderjazz · ~*Service Worker*~

To me that would be 18 January 2015. 90 days in this case I would take as 90 days, not as 90 working days, which would be more like 3 March 2015. That's the way my HR department would look at it, I'm pretty sure.

Kenny

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

He's trying to tell me his benefits don't start until March and I truly find that hard to believe. I'm having my atty pull his work file.

Spur · Senior Member

Right. 90 days is 90 days from first day of employment. I want to caution too that some employers treat the 90 day rule as a temporary service. Many are hiring and when the 90 day deadline hits, they let the employee go. Often they suggest the employee come back and reapply in another 90 days if they actually liked their work. It's a system that employers have worked out so they don't have to pay benefits.

Don't count your chickens before they're hatched in today's employment arena.

KennyFenderjazz · ~*Service Worker*~

Given the state he has been in, he may truly believe that his benes don't start until March. I hate to say it, but Al Anon principles of keeping the expectations very low probably apply here. Given his history, it's hard to imagine he could keep a job that long, probationary or not. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't be going for it in case something works out!

Kenny

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

I guess I'm still trying to grapple with the fact that he left an 11 year job. Up until now at least he's kept a job. So I'm hoping he's going to at least have a career here of some kind. We will see .. it is what it is .. and I'll let the atty deal with it. He's definitely angry that he feels I should put the kids on Medicaid because "I won't have to pay" so once again this is about him having to pay.

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

Serenity, sounds like you are stuck in a rut like me. No offense, but the focus is on him all of the time, just like I focus on my AH. My AH got fired from a job after being in the same field of work for over 30 years!! First time fired. He hasn't worked since January. I know he doesn't want to get a job, or he would have one. So my plan is to now look for full time work. I already work part time with some overtime, but I need more money so I am looking for more hours. What can you do to change your situation without relying on him? Would he even be required to help with medical benefits? It's time for us Al anon people to help ourselves and stop relying on the A for anything. Sorry if I am too harsh...I am seeing the light finally.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I agree with newlife girl. When does one stop wanting to depend on their A? Has yours been any help on his own so far? He already said to put them on medicare, does not sound like he is interested to be responsible. I know it has to make you very angry. You are a good mom, you want what is best for the kids.

But we can only control what we do. We can make ourselves nuts trying to push an A into something they are not going to do.

I don't know if you ever worked outside the home, but husband did. So you guys have paid into medicaid. Might as well get some of that money back the government took from you!

You get money back correct at tax time? If he does not pay a certain amount of the kids care, you can claim them both right?

I invite you to look at alternatives to any dependency on the A.

To let go completely, never call, take calls text nothing, see how it feels. You are a powerful woman. I bet even more so if you are willing to stop wasting energy on an A who has made it clear he is not going to be part of raising the kids.

I know you and kids deserve more, but the disease does not care...I am glad you keep coming and venting.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

90 days would be looked at as 1/20/15 in most cases and then the insurance would kick in on February. Now since he's obligated by the court to keep them insured, he should be made to Cobra them until then - even though that is expensive. He should keep them on Cobra even if not himself.

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I am unsure the what and why's of it and it's your business completely. I however gave up long ago expecting my exAH to follow through on any agreements even regarding our kids, sad but true. He was supposed to do a lot of things, but alas the disease owns him at this point and I am done letting him stir me up in any way. We are on Medicaid and I am okay with that. I have found a way to get myself into college and become financially independent and I am so glad I will never have to rely on anyone again in a little over a year and that feels very nice. I am sorry that he is a pill bug, but I hope you can detach and focus on what and how's for you and the kids. A's are generally more frustrating then they need to be and well I am so done dealing with any of mine. Take what you like and leave the rest. I am sending you serenity, prayers, love and support!

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Dont you want a break from his nonsense serenity? If theres an easier way to make sure your son has healthcare and means you get to not engage with this guy then maybe thats whats best for everyone. He is what he is and will do whatever he wants. None of what he does or doesnt do has to take away your serenity unless you choose to let it. Choosing to let it may be the thing thats upsetting and the very thing that you can do something about.

No contact may help free you. He has been the focus for so long but you dont have to hold onto all that anymore, you are divorced and you can let go. You can and will take care of your kids, hes not really able, he cant really be forced, not where it really counts. Showing your kids you dont need him for anything might be a really good thing for them to learn. Its going to be tough on them if they expect him to be something he isnt as they grow.

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

If he doesn't cover insurance I'm going under .. I will never get ahead and it's ONE more way he just looks to screw us.

I asked a very basic question .. my focus is the fact that I came home from work to a very angry 10 year old with a letter he was going to send to his father that was profanity laced .. honestly I didn't know he knew how to spell the words let alone what they mean. I just can't do it all, and I'm tired of dealing with him.

It's another email to the atty letting her know that NO this is NOT ok and let's just schedule a court date in December for the first week of February, that will be a bump up in support.

Anyway, .. UGH .. this is about control and honestly he wants to let us leave the state I'm totally ok with covering the kids until that happens .. HE'S going to cover the kids. The court stuff isn't quiet done yet. I'm almost there.

Thanks, S :)

I'm in agreement that HE needs to do what is on the court order and I will let the courts hold him accountable .. especially when he makes 2x the amount of money I do.

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

I think we all want to see you getting some peace from the drama around your ex. Its hard when it falls to us and thats the way it is for most of us. We didnt get the partners we wanted for oursleves or our kids, the only way I found peace was to let go.
Maybe I should have fought for more, for my kids and for me. I definately came out worse in so many ways, especially financially. Knowing that and feeling that can potentially ruin my life. I relate to your anger, you want him to pay for his children and that seems like the right thing to do, i didnt go after anything really, a meagre amount of maintenence. I just wanted him out my life really, he had such a negative influence on me. When i let him go i let go of a lot things that was destructive, inside things. He got the worldly possesions and a debt free life but i got much more important stuff. At least you dont have to live with the insanity every day. The life you describe that you have built for you and your kids sounds really happy. You have clearly done a brilliant job, your kids sound amazing.

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

I really hope it gets easier for you and your kids serenity, if anyone deserves peace its you.x

Luiza · Senior Member

Hi Serenity.

This thread reminds me of my mum's situation.

She got divorced from my AF and left to my grandmother's home with 3 kids and nothing else. My dad kept the family home. The only thing my mum had was her job and the support of her family. My dad sold the family home and starting leaving a lavish lifestyle, living in a 5 stars hotel penthouse with his own swimming pool and the hotel pool of course (great for us to go visit, however visits weren't often and it wasn't fun), he quit his job to go on a numerous business adventures. He didn't pay maintenance either, I don't know the ins and outs of their divorce, but my aunty, dad's sister was his solicitor and had many connections...at that time, 30 years ago, in corrupt misogynist Brazil, I can see my mum went through a hard time.
Fast forward and now she is comfortably retired, enjoying her peace, she bought a house, no mortgage anymore and have a good relationship with all her children despite her own issues.
As for my dad...well he got bankrupt, disappeared, was found homeless, went to jail because he was trying to steal alcohol, went to rehab many times, got sectioned, lived in my aunty's home for a long time under intensive mental health treatment. Now he lives in my aunty's second house, hidden away in a little village in the country and depends on my aunty to support him. He lives in a limbo, no contact with his children unless we go visit him and even then he has no ability to have a conversation, he can't live a normal life with normal relationships, he lives inside his own head. Too many issues. He always relapses with drinking and MH problems when he goes to the big city so he has to hide away and no being part of normal society. This was an extremely intelligent hard working person who was born very poor and went to university against all the odds, became a banker and a businessman.

I guess what I am trying to say is, you don't know what is in store for your exH and relying on such an unstable sick person is not always a good idea.
If you want to fight for what you think it is right, do it by all means, but remember to live life on life's term and not to have too many expectations of anybody a part from yourself.

Take care
xxx

-- Edited by Luiza on Thursday 23rd of October 2014 05:23:45 AM

-- Edited by Luiza on Thursday 23rd of October 2014 05:25:27 AM

-- Edited by Luiza on Thursday 23rd of October 2014 09:05:34 AM

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks for sharing that Luiza. That was definitely good to hear for me.

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