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Post Info TOPIC: Today's drama.


Senior Member

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Today's drama.


Today someone from the Youth Mental Health Service called me. I didn't have my phone with me. I always have my phone with me and it always charged. Today I didn't for 1.5 hours only and missed this important call. So a person left me a voice mail asking to call back because we need to discuss my daughter's appointment for next week.

As soon as I hear the message, I call back and the person is leaving the office until Monday so tells me will call me back on Monday morning to discuss. Ok.

After that, Soon to be Ex Husband comes home drunk. I can sense trouble. I have been sensing trouble the whole day but couldn't put my finger on it. I take one look at him and I know things aren't going to be ok today and I better watch.

At 6:30 pm he says he needs my help and I HAVE to help him...but we can talk later. I am very alert now, using my tools and practcing what I am going to say which is: "can we please talk tomorrow morning before I leave to work since you have your day off"

By 7pm I am quiet in my daughter's bedroom, door closed, pretending I am invisible. 

At 7:30 he storms in saying he had just checked his phone and there is one message for him. He plays the message out loud and is the same message the YMH team left for me. He squeezes me about it and I try to explain it is a counselling session for daughter and he gets mad, threatens me, insults me, says that daughter doesn't need it, I am the one who need it. Tell me to not involve daughter with 'this' people and he will not allow it. He is mad. It is more one wrongdoing from me to go in his black book.

What makes me upset is that I clearly discussed with someone from this team the whole situation and how STBXH hates outside agencies and health services. He hates telling people about inside problems. It was supposed to be a family counselling but I told them he would never agree and be angry if he knew I was contacting people. Now they have gone and left him a message with the appointment day and time! It is unbelievable!!

I have sent them an email tonight explaining the whole situation. Hopefully someone will reply to my email so it will be one more piece of proof about his craziness that I can show to social workers when comes the time.

He keeps coming to the bedroom harassing me to have a 'conversation' with him tonight. I had to say on no uncertain terms there will be no conversation tonight and that 'I know what to do to protect myself if he keeps harassing me". I hope he got the message.

He says I was disrespectful to him as a father and husband by arranging this appointment behind his back....

Was I??

 



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Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.



Senior Member

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Posts: 430
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The only reason why they have his details is because I had to fill a form and send it back. If I knew they would contact him I wouldn't have filled his details in.

The message wasn't for him to come to the meeting, it was for him to tell me that I needed to call and discuss the meeting. I guess they are used to do family sessions so this is normal for them, contacting both parents but someone in the team knew exactly from me why I wanted him excluded and this should be on file. It is a safeguarding issue.

I hope HP have something in mind, I am stunned.

__________________

Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.



~*Service Worker*~

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For one to do positive things for their child is no way wrong.

Remember he is insane. His brain is pickled even when he is not drinking. It's damaged. NOTHING he says means anything. A sane father would of course want to help his child.

i know you're in the thick of it, so i know myself when I am mixed up and people remind me of the simplest things it helps me.

So we detach, we don't give their insane words any weight. No reason to.

He is a mean A, how dare he come to you and abuse you like that. There is life with out that, its so much better. I would rather live in my pick up than put up with that abuse.

That mental health place messed up. I hope you do let them know how upset/angry at them for revealing this to him. They were already told not to. In an abusive situation this could cause some dangerous harm! If you have one counselor or a director of them, I would request only ONE Person take care of your files so things don't get messed up.

I was a confidential employee for the Special Ed dept. this included kids at risk too, gang kids etc. It was vital for me to make sure i followed thru to keep people safe.

I am so sad this happened! I am also sad he is so sick. To be honest I am very apprehensive about how safe you guys are.

Keep coming in here, we care!



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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Senior Member

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Luiza, you have every right to be upset over this situation and I'm with Debilyn on her suggestion of demanding that your privacy be respected for your safety and the safety of your daughter.

Please be safe tonight. Is there somewhere else you could go for the night?

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PP


~*Service Worker*~

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You did nothing wrong.  I am feeling fear for you, Luiza.  



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Paula



~*Service Worker*~

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Prayers Luiza Please listen to your inner voice.

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

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Luiza,

Maybe you were disrespectful to him. Perhaps he is right. But respect has to be earned. Given the experiences you have been writing about lately, I don't see how he deserves any respect from you.

Your safety trumps any respect of him. I pray you stay safe. The picture of you laying locked in your child's room to keep him away is disturbing to all of us and degrading towards you.

Good job following through on the agency's mistake. I hope they get it rectified, and also that they recognize the danger they have put you in and can do something about it.

Heed Betty's advice.

Kenny

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~*Service Worker*~

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You have done nothing wrong. He isn't well. Could you call the agency and tell them the situation so they really understand not to call him?? Email might not get their attention like a phone call or visit would. Do they need his permission to see her?

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Living life one step at a time



Senior Member

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Hi guys and thanks. I am fine, got through the night safely. He knows I always have my phone with me and the police is happy to come so he left me alone. It is just so extremely sad things have to be this way. Few more days for him to move, I will get the locks re-keyed and start a new chapter of my life.

__________________

Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.



Senior Member

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Posts: 430
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No they don't need his permission to see her. They wanted to a family counselling and work with both parents to help my daughter through the separation. I explained to them that he hates health services and he doesn't understand counselling/psychology etc, he thinks it is a waste of time and it is the psychologists / therapists who make people crazy instead of helping them get better. True that is what he believes. I told them it would cause a lot of friction and problems if he was involved with the service. I wrote the email because when they reply I can print and use as evidence of his craziness should we ever go to court etc.

__________________

Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.



~*Service Worker*~

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Thanks for the update, Luiza. I was worried about you overnight, and now glad to see you and your daughter are safe.

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Senior Member

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Posts: 295
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Wow. I wish he would care more about his daughter getting help than his own foolish pride. I think it is great that you are getting her help. don't let him derail this, but do bring it to the attention of the counseling center - this kind of thy could end up in someone getting hurt in an abusive situation! Someone there dropped the ball and they need to know about it.

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~*Service Worker*~

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Good for you luiza, its great that you wont let him bully you any longer. You are well on your way to freedom, peace of mind. Well done.

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Senior Member

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Posts: 430
Date:

Thank you guys.

I have had a few apologetic emails from the YMH service, they seem to be taking the matter really serious which they should, they erased all of A's details from the file and asked me to confirm the safest method to get in touch with me. Apparently they will take measures so cases like mine won't happen again. I hope no one there gets in trouble though, my aim was to stop them contacting A in the future and my email was very polite.

So, today is A's day off, he has been ignoring me (bliss), but before daughter came from school I decided to ask him if he had anything to say to me or what kind of help he wanted (I was afraid it was something going wrong with the place he is supposed to move to), I made it clear I was willing to have a chat there and then, not in the night, not when daughter is at home, not when he is drinking. He just said he "doesn't like the way I am behaving" (???)...How about the way HE has been behaving? Never mind, I just turned my back and left, I know better now.
I guess he is upset with me contacting the service, he knows that I will talk about him and daughter will be asked questions, and he probably feels guilty, shameful...well I guess it is time he starts to face the consequences of his actions.

He spent a lot of time organising his stuff and packing it properly so I can probably assume nothing is going wrong with his new place and he will move soon. I just have to keep an watchful eye though. He is taking all of our family stuff and some of MY stuff too, which I let go, but he is also trying to take some of the landlord's (the property owner) stuff too. It is actually theft. He mentioned the stuff he wanted to take the other day and I told him that he can't do it and he said he is 'entitled' to after paying rent all these years...and this was the most generous honest person I have ever met. Maybe I was blind.




-- Edited by Luiza on Wednesday 22nd of October 2014 02:23:25 PM

__________________

Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 5075
Date:

I can picture him tripping up over his bottom lip. Hes in a huff, your not behaving in a way that makes it easy for him to not take responsibility for his own actions, its not fair. Its a bit like typical teenage crap.

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~*Service Worker*~

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You are doing well in taking care of you and your daughter! I am sending you love and support on your journey!

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

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" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

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