The material presented
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Don't know how to handle my anger, frustration & disappointment that my husband is using again. He is a recovering alcoholic, with about 6 years sober. I gave a drug & alcohol test this afternoon. Came up negative on drinking test but came up positive on the urine sample for THC. I believe he has been using pot in baked goods.
Keeps telling me he is tired, exhausted & anxiety ridden from training for his next black belt test which is this Saturday. But today he was tripping all over himself, acting stupid, glassy eyed & bumped the car in front of him at a stoplight. In denial after showing him the test was positive. He has been overtired & sleeping a lot for the past 4 days.
Don't know what to do & how to handle him. I have a 15 year old son & will be leaving on vacation for a week next Thursday. Paid tickets & not sure if I should leave my son alone with him. Need some guidance.
You haven't mentioned whether this is your first experience with Alanon. When I was trying to keep track of my substance abusing exah, it was suggested that I find an Alanon meeting and keep attending. In my experience, I had no luck whatsoever trying to monitor the drinking and drugging of my now ex husband. If your husband is allowing you to "test"him, well... that's between you and him but of course you can't test him 24/7 and live a full life of your own. From personal experience snooping through my ex's stuff, smelling his breath, watching the clock, his movements, voice and words when he came home, just wasn't worth the insanity I put myself through.
As far as leaving for a vacation, that's something you'll need to think about. If you have a relative nearby that your son could stay with while you're away and that would put your mind at ease, that might be one solution.
Please keep coming back for recovery here with us. I hope something you read helps you to make decisions that are best for you and your family. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Welcome. I, too, would like to suggest Al-Anon meetings for you. There we learn to place the bulk of our attention on ourselves and let go of monitoring the actions of our loved ones. We learn more about the disease and how it affects us. We are given tools that help us enjoy our lives whether or not our loved ones continue using. I highly suggest it because much as we would like to help our loved ones get sober and stay sober, we are powerless over them and over the disease. We can truly only help ourselves gain more serenity in our lives by learning to work the program for ourselves. Please keep coming back here, too.
Welcome. Al anon is a great place to start taking care of yourself. We can't change the addicts behavior. We can only change ourselves. So, I have some wisdom regarding the black belt test. I have been in martial arts for 5 years. I don't have a black belt...yet. I plan to some day. So...my advice, if you would like it, would be to ignore him and let him do the test and see what happens. If he has a traditional, strict instructor and he doesn't do well, he will not get his belt. Sometimes they give the belt at the test, sometimes they have to wait until another time. Let him suffer the consequences of his own actions. That's what we learn in Al anon. Don't prevent a crisis from occurring. This might be the wake up call he needs. The addict will always have an excuse for their using.
I'm surprised you got him to take a drug test. I think if it looks like a duck and sounds like a duck...go with your intuitions. Get more into Alanon, but it's good to plan for greater safety for your child.
Speaking of testing...sometimes my AH would have me use his breathalyzer on him before he went to work. It was pathetic. And I think we usually know what the test results will be before we do them.
This sucks. I feel for you. These addicts do this thing where they lift our hopes up , then they let us down again. The longer the time between being clean and abusing , the more disappointing it is when they use again.....and the resentment (and in my case nagging) builds.
I am living with my 2nd AH and I am reeling at him today for similar reasons. So take this with a grain of salt. I say go with your son on the vacation, and see if you can get a credit for H's tickets. If you have to eat the cost of his ticket, so be it. It might be worth more to you and your life if you take a breather from him , get some space from the situation, and try to enjoy your vacation- chaos and drug free. Even if nothing is decided on your trip, at least you can have a little relaxation. they sure as heck don't think about us when they are using. why should we think about them? just an idea, again take my advice with a grain of salt.
i recently had the opportunity to go on a 2 week trip all expense paid trip to maui with AH#2 and i declined. To me vacations are not vacations when you're worried or not sure if they are using, or going to use, or going to use and lie about it, or not even use at all! i still haven't mastered the art of not keeping tabs on the user. i speak for myself when i say,.....it sucks when your happiness hinges on the addicts sobriety. it is a lose-lose situation :)
