Thank God I found Al Anon And MIP.  In thetime since my Al Anon enlightenment I have learned so very much about dealing with A but most importantly, I've learned that I too have issues that need to be dealt with.

Today my challenge is dealing with the codependent funk.  As I examine my life over the past twenty years I see the progression from the organized professional person I was, to the crazy defeated A spouse I have become.  My personal life is a wreak but Im working my program.  My house is a wreak and that is overwhelming.  Like my life, as crap has entered my house it's been put on a shelf or stuck in a corner to be dealt with later.  But later never came.  

I used to collect antiques, a passion I've had since my teen years.  A few years ago, before Al Anon, I was feeling overwhelmed by the amount of 'stuff' in my house.  I called up an auction company, loaded up all but one piece of antique furniture plus other collections and sold it all.  My family was in shock because I do love my antiques but I was feeling smothered by the stuff in my house and I longed to live with calm and to see wall space. 

i realize my habit of collecting probably stems from childhood.  I like to collect pottery and China.  It was the thrill of the hunt. It took my mind off my problems.  I liken my need to collect as a substitute for the chaos that has always been in my life.  I desired calm and order and the only way I could get that was by artificial means, not human.   I loved being in antique shops, the quiet atmosphere, the calming earthiness of the Merchandise.  I collected hard to find pottery and China, not rare or expensive, but patterns that were long forgotten which made the search to find a soup plate or a tea cup that much more exhilarating.  It took me years to complete sets, some I have not completed but I've lost the thrill of the search.  I think dealing with my AH took the joy out of antiquing and collecting along with everything else that I used to do or enjoy.

But here I am today.  Ready to tackle my house and the codependent mess I've made of it.  I need to start sorting and purging the items that have found their way in, no longer serve a purpose for me, and purge them from my life.  I can't live with joy when Im surrounded by the things that represent my codependent funk.  I have rooms that need clearing out and some repairs that need doing, much like my Al Anon program.

I'll employ 'One Day At A Time' and 'Keep It Simple' and especially...'Let It Begin With Me'  because I know my kids will benefit from this work as much as I will.