Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Post Info TOPIC: Newbie


Newbie

Status: Offline
Posts: 1
Date:
Newbie


So this al-anon thing is pretty new to me, however, my mothers drinking is not.

She has been drinking heavily for 12 years or so that I can remember, although recently I have been made aware that she was drinking when I was a child. She had cancer a few years ago and been advised to give up caffeine and alcohol. The cancer has left her tiny and quite frail. She has also been in hospital a lot due to gallstones, but had her gall bladder out last week. Her health is pretty average and she has long lasting effects from the cancer.

I'm not sure if her family even knows it's a problem, but I've had problems with her drinking for years, but only recently addressed it. We had a casual chat about it one day, then a few weeks later a yelling match about it, but then it started affecting other people in my life and that was the straw that broke the camels back. 

I explained that her drinking was causing me so much pain, that it would actually hurt less to have no relationship with her, than to have a relationship with her while she was drinking. So now we have zero communication (unless shes of poor health)

I am getting married in April and now I have no idea what to do. I can't decide whether it will hurt more not to have her there, or to have her there and sneakily drink. 

I have just returned from my first al-anon meeting and hope that the meetings can help me gain a new outlook and learn to deal with my feelings. 

Great to know there is a lovely online community too! 



__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 5663
Date:

Not that it matters, but curious if this is your mom? Childhood friend? Who is the qualifier to you? It only helps to know because boundaries are sometimes different depending on the nature of the relationship. As far as the wedding: If you hold out hope to be in contact again and this is someone you really cherish...go ahead and invite her. If you feel that even in her "sneaky drinking" she won't make an ass out of herself and ruin the wedding...fine. I didn't care if folks sneakily drank at my wedding. I didn't offer any alcohol. BUT, I would have had major issues with someone acting like a drunk buffoon. I have one cousin now that is off on a horrible bender/bipolar episode that is not ending so he was not invited sadly. Much as I would have wanted him there, it would have ruined the whole even for folks that were there (not to mention myself).

Either way, welcome! Glad you are here and seeking help in Alanon.

__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 971
Date:

Welcome, Lemissa...

Alanon will be such a help to you; you are on the right track.

PC:
She says it's her mother in the first sentence.

Temple

__________________

It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread.  --Gray Charles

 



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3653
Date:

don't mine pinkchip, he is madly in love so is sorta still on a cloud! (c:

You are on the right path going to meetings.

You may be able to learn to detach from moms drinking. Make it nothing you pay attention to. Just love her. If it gets too much, its ok to distance and keep it light.

What she does is not anything about  you. Is she rude and awful when she drinks. I would invite her, make sure I have a couple people to help her home if she is inappropriate.

What is important is you love her. In Al anon you will learn boudaries and skills to have a better relationship.

keep coming



__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 5663
Date:

Sorry! I scrolled too fast! I think I got confused when you said you weren't sure if "her family" knew...I guess you mean the rest of the family.
With regards to the wedding. ..pray on it and be true to yourself is my best suggestion. Also keep seeking support from Alanon and maybe even ACOA also which is specifically adult children of alcoholics.

__________________
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.