The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been feeling so lost lately. I have a BF that I have been with for the past 6 months and he drinks. He was sober for a month but has been on a drunk again for 3 days now. I thank god I have an apartment to go to. I tried to live with him, but it has not worked out. Now I have most of my belongings at his home and I have to go back there and take it all out and move all my things back to my apartment. I have done this moving back and forth for the past 6 months and I have had it. I can not trust him to stay sober. even when he says he will stop. I had to leave today as he was drunk at 9 am and wanting to argue. I did not argue back with him, rather I just left. He is insane. I feel so messed up now and not sure what direction to take anymore. I know his drinking will not stop and he will continue but I feel a sense of hope, just maybe he will stop. I know my expectations are unrealistic. but I still have feelings for him, as when he is sober he is a great guy.I am also struggling to get a job so that adds to my stress level. In addition, I have a disabled daughter I am caring for and she can not be under stress and around insanity. I feel so uncertain what the future holds. I am trying to focus on one day at a time, but feel so overwhelmed, sad, depressed and just plain scared! I have prayed and asked god for direction, but it seems I am talking to the wall. I am emotionally numb and just plain miserable. I did go swimming with my daughter today so that was positive and that was good. I know I have to place myself and my daughter first but right now I am struggling.
Moving back and forth between homes must be a big drain? At least it would be for me. In relationships with As, I notice that it is important for me to have my own place, my own recovery program, my own friends, my own interests or I'm filled with anxiety and a sense of impermanence that is very unsettling for me. In order for me to grow, I really must feel grounded in one location. That is always my HP's guidance to me. To have a structured routine with a little wiggle room and a comfortable home to call my own.
Hi joker. I am so sorry you are going through this. Sadly, you cannot help your BF. Only he can help himself. But you can help you and your daughter by not focusing on him, rather put your focus on you and your health and recovery. I don't remember if you have been going to Al-Anon face 2 face meetings, but if you haven't, I strongly recommend that you do. We all know your feelings of sadness, and being depressed and scared. You are not alone. Al-Anon can help you with this.
Take care of you and take one day at a time.
Let go and let God take care of your boyfriend.
((joker))
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Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold O-on P-pain E-ends
For your peace of mind I hope you can seek the help you need and understand what your both going through. Al-anon will help you with those decisions you need to keep you serenity and not try and cure him or keep thinking things will change. Until he wants it...not for you but for him is when you might see change.
He is going to drink or he's not...what are you going to do.
(( hugs ))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Hello :) I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this. I am married to my A, but if we were just dating, knowing what I know now, I would run....run as fast as you can and do not look back. Sorry, just my opinion.
This is a great place for support, glad you are here.
