I sorta suspected that my BFF would "go under"  her daughter is with her, i know for fact, even tho i get VM when i check up on them, she is there but she doesn't answer the phone......

Nothing I can do but wait till "S" feels like talking...she isolates when severely hit with something big and this death is a hay maker...not just for her, but younger sis and younger brother, too, but they don't have her issues.....i am 1700 miles away, no funds to travel....I know her younger sister is up there within 7 miles from where she lives, and brother is close, too...So i wait it out.....I just hope she is taking her meds as prescribed and doing something re: program, even if it is to cry and let the daughter and sister and brother, who are healthy help her with this......I am just gonna have to trust that she is NOT alone., that her siblings and the daughter are together, caring for each other....I just am gonna have to put it to HP, I am totally powerless to do anything....

at some point, i know one of them will contact me when they are ready to do so......in the meantime, its do my best...be there for them all as much as I can....I used to hang out w/the younger sis and brother, too.....

I guess I will go to bed w/cell on the nite stand....maybe go for swim tomorrow if i can't get anyone and just wait......dunno what arrangements will be...I can't attend the funeral , I just can't afford to board the dogs, travel up there, miss work, I am too much in debt on ccard as it is....Being powerless sucks and to me its ok to not be happy about it (being powerless) , its honest, but what isn't "ok" is for me to try and do something (go up to MA) that would put me so far in the hole, I wouldn't be able to meet my basic needs....its gonna take me the better part of a year to pay off what i did w/deco job and home and car insurance is coming up and also prop. taxes.....WOW!!! somehow I will manage it...I am going to this 1/2 off sale to browse the books  $1 a piece, so no subway tuna sandwich that week...and grand kids are out growing their clothes for school and daughter #2 told me today that she HAS to go w/me b/c they need clothes...I can help w/a little bit, but not much...

I remember the days when i made good money...then the crash of '08 came and i became the new poor...had to go on early ret. b/c i lost my job and could not find replacement work for a long while...I survived doing temps and PT here and there....So I just started my own bookkeeping services business......now i freelance b/c at my age, yea, FT would not work, i would be exhausted w/all that mind work and having to focus...so i do my best on a sort of fixed income which aint much..Thank God there is good money in public bookkeeping...I work 2, sometimes 3 mornings a week...4 clients who pay me quite decent........oh well, these lives are so short and so changeable...my hardship could come to an end......I could meet George Clooney  or his look alike w/some dinero and not have to worry,  LOL

Nite Nite everyone!!!! I am going to bed!!!!