The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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Well tonight was the worst night ever. Huge violent relapse. I am numb alone in bed with my son and he is drunk passed out on the floor. all because my family is sick of his bs. And so am I, he asks like he walks on water. I hold all the stress and wait. He works and comes home. I work. I am a mom. I am the house mom. I can't do this. if it wasn't so late I would leave. But my son is sound asleep thank god I kept him away from it all. I am broken. All he keeps sayin is he loves me.
What is the right thing to do???????? I am lost
-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 19th of October 2014 05:13:56 PM
Hugs hun. There's an online meeting in around 8 hours. Sleep is a good idea if possible. Go through the weekend being aware of you your reactions your feelings. We think,ww feel,we respond. Where can the change in you occur....for me,I'm realising my kids cant have drunk dad and crazy mom. There's not one thing I can do about drunk daddy. You didn't cause his drinking,you cant control it and you cant cure it. Do the best you can to take care of you until you can get to a meeting. Thinking of you.
I wish there was something now. I am just wide awake with a terrible headache now. I am just glad my son slept through it and I kept everything as quite as I could. I haven't seen him like that and when I took it away he went off the wall. I have never seen anyone like that before...... I am at the end of the road with him. I don't know how much more I can put up with...
Only you can know what your point of no return is. How long has your husband been an alcoholic? Mine has been a card carrying A for twenty years. It's never gotten better...it only gets worse. My A isn't violent. He doesn't get drunk and rage. That would be scary from a child's perspective because I was that child.
I have always wondered why my mother stayed with my father. He was frightening to live with. I was scared of him coming home everyday because you didn't know what would set him off; anything would but mostly nothing did.
Do what you need to do to be safe. Your husband is sick. You can't help him. You have to take care of you and you son.
Living with this is scary, exhausting, frustrating, unsettling etc. And you cannot change him, but you can get help for you. In al anon we talk about the 3 a,s. Awareness, acceptance and action. It sounds like you are aware of your feelings, now accept them completely, as they are neither right nor wrong, and take action. When I was living with active alcoholism, the action that saved my life was attending al anon meetings and getting a sponsor. So, my question to you is what is the next right action you will take to save your life? Hugs....
Wow, I am sorry you are in this situation. I hope you can find some al-anon face to face meetings in your area and keep coming back to MIP and read everything you can al-anon to learn about this disease and the effects it has on all of us. Sending you love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I really feel for you! My A lost it recently too and for the very first (and last!!!!) time! I ended the relationship as there is no way I will ever put up with physical violence. Lots has happened since that I won't go into here because this post is about you, but I thought I would share with you that the most important thing for me has been to realise that nothing is done that cannot be undone if I choose to. I feel good for creating the space between us, seeing a domestic violence counsellor, working the steps, reading posts here at MIP, going to meetings and basically giving myself the gift of time to think, clarify and understand what I want to do from here. I hope that you do what you need to do to keep you and your son safe. I am sending hugs of support to you.
I don't think our kids miss it no matter how hard we try to keep them out of the bologna. Kids are very sensitive to their surroundings and to their parents' feelings and behaviors. They might not be able to express in words what they are seeing or experiencing and they are not immune to it either in an alcoholic and/or violent home. If everybody pastes a smile on their faces like nothing is happening when all hell has broken out, I think that adds to the child's angst because its confusing. If you took away your husband's drug of choice, you saw the addict rear its ugly head and show you what it truly is. "I love you" works until it doesn't work anymore. It isn't what is said that is important with an addict, alcoholic or abuser. It is what they do that is important for us to pay attention to. Those three words are used in high school by boys that want what they want and girls fall for what the guys know works. They still work with gals if we don't start wanting more than being told we're loved when actions show us the opposite.
DV counseling and face to face Al-Anon meetings may be the way out of toxic relationship for you and for your son. We go for us and not for the addicted person. That's their job. Ours is to get help for ourselves and for our minor children.
