a miracle - Al-Anon Family Group

joker · Senior Member

a miracle

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Joker: I can't remember if you attend Al-Anon face to face meetings for yourself? If not, I suggest them. If so, I'd suggest upping them for you or attending our on-line meetings as a supplement to face to face meetings for you. His being sober for 13 days is a good thing for him. I'm glad he's doing that. I can also understand your fears of relapse which can happen just as we can stop working the steps and working the program for ourselves. It isn't uncommon - once the pressure is off us to some degree - to wonder if we can continue the relationship to them. An alternative to that wondering is wondering what we are going to do with our relationship to our HP and ourselves. It sounds as if he is where he can get the help he needs to work on himself if he chooses. It also sounds to me as if you've been released a bit from what your role has been in this marriage and in relationship to your spouse. Maybe now is the time to deepen your connection to your HP and to your beautiful self?

-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 20th of September 2014 11:02:01 AM

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

For me the early days of AH's sobriety were difficult to cope with and Just For Today really helped me a lot. I said it to myself several times every day!! Any change, even positive change, takes a bit of getting used to and as Grateful says, we have had a role that we have grown used to and in having that role I had convinced myself that I was useful and that my life was worthwhile. Can you see the silliness of it though? Giving to a drunk for twelve years and then feeling as though I was at a loose end when my giving was no longer required?

What I learnt when I thought about it a bit more was that I was a giver, someone who likes to have a cause. With that realisation I figured out that now I had an opportunity to choose a more worthwhile outlet for all my giving energy and that I could take time out from watching what AH was doing and start learning about myself instead.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

This is sooooo early in the process. You also answered your own question, "you don't know if you want to stay..." So I like what you said, one day at a time, until you do know.

Believe me it is so hard to change just a habit. I remember learning 16 weeks to really change it on average.

He is very sick,then to give this so much effort takes a lot. When my AH stopped smoking omgosh what a pill! lol

Was very nice though.

Anyway let us know, vent, just keep coming! He is doing wonderful! But its much easier if one loves them and uses al anon skills whether they drink or not. For me there was a long time that I just loved him.

cloudyskies · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi joker. I can understand what you mean when you say you are dealing with a different person. There's a lady in my Al-Anon group that says her husband has been three different men--the man before he started drinking, the man during his drinking years, and the man after his drinking years.

If you aren't attending Al-Anon meetings, please try. They will help you focus on you and not on your alcoholic.

Take care of you.

Keep coming back.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.