My big friday whinge. - Al-Anon Family Group

missmeliss · ~*Service Worker*~

My big friday whinge.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

Melly, I cannot express how sad I feel for you. Of course your heart hurts from being treated so inhumanely, of course it does. I know of no one that could live in this utter craziness being treated in a way that no living creature deserves to be treated. If you lived closer, I would have you all stay with us until you found something suitable for your family.

Sweet Stanley · ~*Service Worker*~

I totally agree with Paula. I feel so sad for you and your situation. I am keeping you in my prayers that things will work out for you Melly.

singingnick377 · Member

Hello,

Reading your share I think you are very entitled to a big Friday whinge. You deserve to be loved and treated well and I am sorry for you that it feels so hard right now. I am going to send positive vibes your way and hope that things pick up for you very soon. These feelings shall pass. That kept me sane in my insanity many times.

Love Singingnick

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

I am so very sorry to read this Melly. I have been in a very dark place a few times in my life and though I could not see the way out HP guided me in the direction that I needed to go.

You will get to that special ghost tour in the future and it will be special. For years I dreamed of traveling while hubby spent all the money or I needed to spend all my earning on essentials and I never thought that I would see my dreams come true Not so -- for the past 6 years I have taken trips to all the "Far Away Places I was Dreaming About"

I just heard the old song ," I Will Survive " and it reminded me that as long as we" know how to love" we do survive. You are dong this and will be OK.

Prayers for your health and a positive outcome

Temple · ~*Service Worker*~

Bless you, Dear Child--

Angels! Melly needs help and right away.

May you live in a world as wonderful as you are.

Love,
Temple

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

((Mel)) I can relate to the insanity and hurt you describe. There were so many times when I'd relentlessly be frozen in darkness relying on a broken compass of hope.
... and, times when "I could never learn to fight back or protect myself from someone who so clearly enjoys inflicting pain" - I certainly wasn't born with this skill set and my family squashed notions of my having one, but i'm now learning some of these skills as part of my self-care one day at a time. You're not alone. Sending continued prayers.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

(((M))) Listening and loving you as you are right now, Melly. Reminds me of the words of a song that I've quoted before by Jamie Richert, a recovering addict: "Stand your ground, God is watching. Stand your ground against the night. Til the darkness passes over, stand your ground." Fear looms large when we are going through a significant change in our lives and makes everything look dark. What I've experienced is this: When all appears dark it is because the Light of my HP is shining on me. Another quote by an anonymous source: "When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on." I'll hold the candle of light, peace and unconditional love for you, Melly, while you hold onto faith and trust in the truth that your HP will do for you what you cannot do for yourself.

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((Hugs)))))) dear friend.
I hope that you get to see someone about your hand - does it get worse when the pressure is on?
I'm not sure what your A is doing there if he has not paid his share of the rent. Can you talk to your landlords? Might a word with them now help with a better reference from them in the future?
Grateful has me picturing you hanging on to that rope. And you are right, in no time you'll be lifting yourself up and sitting on the knot and kicking your heels in joy at the magic of HP. I love hearing about you driving your daughter here and there - that really was a great achievement passing your test this year.

Spur · Senior Member

I'm sorry you're going through such a rough patch right now. Stay focused on you and your daughter and what's best for you.

Debb · ~*Service Worker*~

I am truly sorry you are having such a bad time right now!! Am saying prayers for you, that you find a job and a home where you can feel safe and happy.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

My insides ache for you. Have you checked out shared places? At least you could do that and still look? dumb question maybe but would mom be able to help?

Maybe going to another town is a good option? Being able to drive makes it more possible for you to accept different options.

Maybe go out further from your Bubble to find housing? I live in a tiny town. Away from my home town. I am NOT sorry a bit. I could get a job in one day,find a place to rent too. Where if I went a town away I could not afford to live there.

I invite you to take a breath and see if you can find an area where rent is cheaper. Usually places small that you may have to drive a bit to get some things...?

A is well an A. I know it is hard to take how awful they can be, but it is the nature of the beast. Plus the jerkyer he is the easier it is to leave him. I am so sorry he made a mess of your rent history! My AH's disease destroyed my perfect credit, got my new jeep taken away, stole all my retirement and savings, sold all my tools, and the ones I inherited from my mother. I was livng in my barn melly.

I KNOW How icky this is and it is worse when you have a child!

with your money, is there any possibility for you to get an RV or trailor to park on someones land? Many people do that now. I have a family on my land! Would your mom co sign? Just ideas..

Please keep us updated. I know every one of us wishes we could help. If you were in the usa I can bet many would offer you help, including me!

If it were true that if you marry a usa citizen you could stay here, my son is very handsome and a good man! lol plus he loves animals and kids!

missmeliss · ~*Service Worker*~

lol Deb. I think the last thing I need is another handsome man.

Yes I've checked out all of those options.

And thanks for the love and support, all

(((everyone)))

I don't have any money, maybe $300 in the bank....I don't think that would buy me an RV. Probably wouldn't even buy me a decent tent, lol. I used to have savings, that was before A....I manage to get about $1500 put away a few months ago but it's gone now. Funny, my ex-husband took off with all of my money and left me thousands worth of bills in my name and nowhere to live...I managed to crawl back from that, homeless and with a baby and find a home, and save thousands...then I met A and voila! Instant ruination! lol. Not great at the whole lesson learning thing I guess. But handsome men are a definite no-no.

And I wouldn't be allowed to drive such a thing on a probationary lisense anyway. But if I could, I would, it'd be a great comfort to me, knowing there was always somewhere to sleep. Maybe one day.

Anyway I think I've solved the problem. Tonight's lotto is a mega-draw, $20 million. So I have a ticket and when I win I will buy myself several homes just to be safe and I will buy A an RV and send him on his way, HA. I think he'd quite like that, it's a lovely image actually, what a way to end things with him driving happily off into the sunset.....

....throwing the first empty beer-can over his shoulder and into the motor home behind him..."I'll pick it up later".......and on he drives, singing along to the eagles on the radio...

hehehe

-- Edited by missmeliss on Friday 19th of September 2014 07:44:52 PM

KennyFenderjazz · ~*Service Worker*~

Take it easy
Take it easy
Dont let the sound of yer own wheels
Drive you crazy...

Hugs back at you Melly! Keep it up you are amazing!

Kenny

Jessmine · Member

Oh dear God. I just read your post and feel so heart broken for you. How much can one woman take in a lifetime. You are one strong woman. You WILL get back on your feet. I know you will. Next time you have to look at A's face, think of how wonderful it is the those days are numbered. He never deserved you. You are truly a survivor. Remember that. Always remember all the people that you've never even met who are praying for you and all the good things you deserve. God speed & many, many hugs.

gingerfizz · Veteran Member

Love and hugs to you Melly! This too shall pass. I will say a prayer for you. <3

At the risk of sounding like a new age woo woo wackadoo... maybe your stress is affecting your hand and once you are in a better place it will improve. I hope so! There is a book I've been meaning to read about how stress affects our bodies and how we can heal it called The Mindbody Prescription. Maybe your library has it and it might be worth a look.
www.amazon.com/dp/0446675156/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pC_nS_ttl

Jen61 · ~*Service Worker*~

If you lived in the US I would take you, your daughter and dog in until things were sorted through. I will say extra prayers for you and your family. I just hope something comes up for you. Positive thoughts and hugs being sent your way.

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

Sorry about the mess. I too am so exhausted dealing with AH being nice one day, mean the next. They are the psychos in my opinion. I am confused. I thought your BF moved out?? I thought you found a place to live in too. What about a tent on the beach? Lol. What about being a live-in nanny?

Luiza · Senior Member

(((Mel)))
What happens with homeless woman with children in Australia? There is no housing support at all?

Your post reminds me Leonard Cohen..

"Nothing left to do
when you know that you've been taken.
Nothing left to do
when you're begging for a crumb
Nothing left to do
when you've got to go on waiting
waiting for the miracle to come.

I hope your miracle is coming very very soon.

-- Edited by Luiza on Saturday 20th of September 2014 04:10:54 PM

missmeliss · ~*Service Worker*~

They have cut services drastically in the past 12 months so there are actually a lot of people in crisis and virtually no help. You often hear of women living in their cars with their kids and horrible stuff like that. It's quite shocking to be honest and very different to the way things were always done here in the past. I believe they are trying to create an underclass because we didn't really have one before...but that's just my theory. Anyway I won't be homeless, I'll figure something out. It's not exactly going smoothly though, it doesn't seem to matter what I do. I'm very frustrated and sad, it seems that no matter how many hopes I let go of things just get worse. This damn hand is just the icing on the cake really since I have to pack up an entire house by myself one handed. How am I going to do that? How? The garage alone is like an all day job for 2 men, how will I do it with 1 hand? Fix the plastering holes? The door A kicked in when he was drunk? How will I fix that? Never mind that I don't have money for rubbish removal, or a moving van , I don't even have enough to pay my car registration and it expires in 2 days. Plus I didn't win lotto last night, how messed up is that? lol.

A was trying to show me houses this morning, he turned nasty very quickly and then (again) smiling and saying "well I'll just go to my mums, I would have thought you'd be desperate"...oh, I see now. He wanted it to get to crisis point for me so I would have no option but to beg him to get a place with me on his terms. That's what happened the last 2 times; he pushed us to the point of being homeless and then kept saying he would leave while I begged him not to abandon me....it's a power play. Well hell or high water I told him to get going to his mothers already, at least I can see the game now. It WAS driving me crazy but now that I know what it is I can stop letting it get to me. He wants me so weak and desperate that I will do whatever he says and be grateful for the crumbs. No, thanks. But it's kind of you to offer....

Gah.

Really, it's Sunday and all I want to do is get into bed and read my book and forget all of this. That would be nice!!!! Screw it, I will, for an hour at least. The nightmare isn't going anywhere, it will still be here later.

I WILL FIND SOMETHING TO BE POSITIVE ABOUT TODAY!!!

(after reading).

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Loved: "I won't be homeless. I'll figure something out." Self-fulfilling prophecies that are headed in a positive direction - will result in positive results - especially when we turn our will and our lives into God's hands, listen and do the next right thing. We truly aren't alone and we don't have to figure things out totally on our own. Every time I'd done all I knew to do and knew that I'd done my best, I'd say something like: "God, the rest is up to you. Please help me because I don't have a clue what to do next." Then, I'd go take a bath. I see you like to go and read. Good work - especially your closing mantra: I WILL FIND SOMETHING TO BE POSITIVE ABOUT TODAY!!! And, I have no doubt you will. Happy reading, Mel.

cloudyskies · ~*Service Worker*~

Mel I am so sorry. Could you possibly rent a room from someone? Please know you are in my prayers.

I love that positive spark you have even with all that you are going through. Shows your strength and determination. Few people have that. HP is with you.

((Mel))

missmeliss · ~*Service Worker*~

Well it's beautiful and sunny outside. Daughter has a friend staying unexpectedly for the week (was meant to be a night) so she is happy and entertained for the first week of school holidays leaving me free to clean, pack, do assignments and periodically wallow lol. We'll go for a walk on the beach later. These are positives

Also my book is funny. Laughs are good.

Why do I have so many clothes?
Why is it so hard to throw them out when I never wear 90% of them? When will I wear a cocktail dress, I mean really. Or heels. Or snow-gear, seriously? And let's not even mention the cupboard full of damaged clothing and shoes that I am "going to mend". Let's be serious. Right next to the drawer full of things that are too small but will fit me "soon". Mhhm. Perhaps I can store them with all of the kitchen appliances I will use one day, like the george foreman grill and the broken juicer I'm going to fix and the crock-pot I didn't know was a slow cooker and....

I think i'll pack all of that stuff together. in the bin.
lol.

missmeliss · ~*Service Worker*~

Just got an email from one of the places I left a resume, asking what hours I am available. It's a nice place but quite a long drive to work....that's good I guess, good practice....so, you know, fingers crossed....maybe this is the break I have been waiting for.

Luiza · Senior Member

Good luck with this job! And how about selling some stuff? eBay, Facebook selling pages, car boot sales? I am in selling mode at the moment, it is such a relief seeing things you no longer need go, even better receiving a little cash for it.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

LOL! Yes, what will you be doing with the cocktail dress or the broken juicer? And I'm with you on this. I still have a box packed with glassware that I wrapped securely in newspaper when I moved into this home 13 years ago that takes up space in my garage. I have 4 closets full of clothes - many over 30 years old - that I will wear once again and one day - some are still wrapped in drycleaners' plastic that is yellowed from age. I'm not a hoarder. I don't buy too much new stuff. I just don't know what to do with beautiful classic skirts that belonged either to my mother or me that are "too good" just to give away. They belonged to my dearly departed Mother, for Pete's sakes. And that glasswear in the garage? Hey! I went clear out of my way at Christmas time to get free Christmas mugs with each purchase I made at the local Arby's, McDonald's or Burger whatever it is called. Those mugs are classics, too!!!!!! They don't make them anymore!

I do like the idea of selling what you can, too. I've been able to sell lighted pink flamingos in a yard sale that somebody stuck in my yard at Christmas time knowing I didn't like pink flamingos in people's yards right next to the "Whirled Peas" sign another guest stuck in my snowy yard when I wasn't looking. The "Whirled Peas" sign I did have to throw away. Nobody would pay a nickel for it and it was a fire hazard. Glass mugs and classic skirts - not so much. :<)

missmeliss · ~*Service Worker*~

A garage sale is a definite option. Daughter will be on board with this idea; she's been suggesting it hopefully for a long time.
In fact I can just see it now...she will want to make crafts to sell, because, why not mum? Why can't I sell stuff I make?
Now if I can sell at least enough old junk to cover the cost of the materials she will need for the things she will want to make...plus she will want to make signs, and colourful price tags and...sigh, better take out a loan or apply for a credit card...LOL.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

missmeliss wrote:
A garage sale is a definite option. Daughter will be on board with this idea; she's been suggesting it hopefully for a long time.
In fact I can just see it now...she will want to make crafts to sell, because, why not mum? Why can't I sell stuff I make?
Now if I can sell at least enough old junk to cover the cost of the materials she will need for the things she will want to make...plus she will want to make signs, and colourful price tags and...sigh, better take out a loan or apply for a credit card...LOL.

LOL! What?!!! You mean you can't just go to a bank and take money out anytime you want it as I thought my parents did at a tender age of having no idea what things cost or how the money came in.

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

A garage sale sounds like a plan. I donated a lot of things when I moved. We get a tax write-off for donations. Not sure about Australia. What about renting a motel room if it came to that? Sometimes they can give you long term deals...in the US they do anyway.
I hope the job is the break you've been looking for
In your original post you mentioned your daughter was being rude and wanted money. I remember my teenage daughter was really angry and rude towards me when we lived with AH. He isn't her father. But when I decided to leave him, she and her boyfriend helped me a lot with packing and moving. She also, for the most part, started treating me a lot better. I think she was happier not living with him and she respected me more for leaving and not putting up with his behavior. The teenagers are usually more mature and deserve more respect than the A! Just my experience.

Luiza · Senior Member

Overhere we have a freecycle group where you can give away your stuff, people come and collect it.
And you can ask for specific stuff too.

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

I just read your post on clothes. I had a walk in closet full of 3 different sizes and suits that we all used to wear to our office jobs. I finally said that's it and filled two large boxes and 5 trash bags with clothes, shoes and purses. I took them all to the Salvation Army and walked away. I'm so happy now I don't look that those things anymore and my closet is in much better shape. Now I can buy pieces that are up to date, fit and are worn once in a while.

Good luck...I hope you get the job because when you have one another comes in most cases that is a better fit. Funny when you have employment and next interviewer will say he needs you more.

((( hugs )))

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