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Post Info TOPIC: Advice


Member

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Posts: 20
Date:
Advice


I need some advice. My husband has been in and out of the house and spending nights in I don't know where. I feel like its not even bothering him that I am not speaking ot hi or helping him in any way. I don't know if I should ask him to leave the house and file for divorce or just wait to see what would happen ... I am so confused and so tired. 



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Yasmen


Senior Member

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Posts: 430
Date:

Hi.
Have you tried an Al-Anon face to face meeting yet?
How about start looking after yourself and putting the focus back on you?


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Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 5663
Date:

You didn't stop enabling so that it would "bother him" and then fix him. Addiction is strong...It has nothing to do with HIM not being bothered. Right now - his ADDICTION is not bothered. Get to alanon meetings when you can and you will come to the right answers for you.



-- Edited by pinkchip on Tuesday 16th of September 2014 07:30:02 AM

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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 17196
Date:

Dear Yasmen alcoholism is a progressive , fatal disease over which we are powerless. No matter how you try or what you say, you will have little to no permanent effect on your husband's drinking The best you can do for your family is to search out and attend alanon meetings.

It is there that I found I could break the terrible isolation that I felt because of living with the disease,as I received the unconditional love and support from people who truly understood. I also was given very powerful new tools to live by so I could regain my self esteem and self worth. The only person I can be responsible for and change is myself and with the help of this program I did just that
There is hope

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 7576
Date:

I see that you live in New York although I'm not sure where there. If you check with the WSO of Al-Anon, you can find meetings close to you there. It took courage for me to enter a meeting for the first time because something in me knew that if I did that, things were going to change and I wasn't sure if I was really ready for change. But, I was also a pretty dutiful person who had been told by my x-husband's short-term counselor that she recommended it for me to get the help and support I needed. Because I believed in a HP before Al-Anon, I asked my HP to give me a sign that I was in the right place before I attended my first meeting. Butterflies were a sign of resurrection and hope to me and blue was my favorite color. I walked into my first meeting, sat down uncomfortably, and noticed that a beautiful blue butterfly was placed on a wall within my range of vision. I knew I was where my HP wanted me and I listened. That is all that was required of me - courage, acting on guidance, asking for some type of sign I could recognize as my HP's will for me and willingness to listen. Things got a little better from there. Not for my x. He kept on using. But for me and for my children.

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig



Member

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Posts: 12
Date:

My daughter and her husband live with us, but my daughter has been gone for days at a time for weeks - saying she is working nights (but we really know she lost her job). Her husband knows something is wrong and suspects she is living with another guy, which I know to be true. However, she is only there because he provides her with alcohol, lets her drink all day long and she has no responsibility for all the gambling debts she incurred recently. She keeps her phone turned off and she thinks no one will ever find her there. Her husband is torn up inside. He says he doesn't care, but we got an email yesterday saying she would come home from "work" last night - she never showed up. He spent the entire evening pacing and looking out the window. That is no way to live. I tried to encourage him to go to Al Anon with me, but he said he doesn't need it. He said if she wasn't such a weak person would bad morals she wouldn't do things like this. He is in denial. Unfortunately, we aren't able to change the behavior of the alcoholic, but we don't have to stand by the window waiting every night. We can go on with our lives and get a lot of support from all the other people who are in similar situations.

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