The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have a 53 year old brother who retired early (because of a buy-out), has no wife/children, nor responsibilities. He retired to the mountains in an area where he is surrounded by a lot of extended family in a small town in Virginia. He went through rehab and was clean/sober from 1997 to 2010.
In 2010 he started drinking again (Jack Daniels/Beer boiler makers) and told the family he didn't want any intervention - he liked to drink. He is diabetic and since that time he has blacked out and fallen and hit his head a couple of times. Another time he totaled a car (cracked ribs, broken shoulder). A girlfriend he liked didn't want to hang around him since he was a heavy drinker so he went on-line and found someone through a dating service who likes to drink like he does and she supposedly drinks more than him. He built himself a "man cave" on his property where there is a 24/7 keg and a full bar.
So he has built a life, surrounded by booze, with a girlfriend who shares his drinking habits. Friends and family have all distanced themselves from him. He is not a lot of fun to be around since he drinks and passes out. He drinks first thing in the morning to sun down and his hands shake.
Our extended family would like to help him. If he goes off to rehab again, he will return to the same life he built - no responsibilities, girlfriend who drinks heavily.
Any suggestions? I realize he is a time bomb.
- JT
-- Edited by Beulah on Monday 15th of September 2014 05:13:38 PM
If he wants to drink and she does, too, there is nothing you can do because he doesn't want the help.
You can get help, however, in Al-Anon for families and friends of people who are alcoholics or drink problematically. It is for us and not for the drinker. It is very difficult when our loved ones have this disease and refuse to get help. Being with others who have been there or are there and getting help for ourselves because the worry and the anxiety affects us badly is the best choice we can make for ourselves. We receive the support, the education and the help and hope that we need to carry on whether or not the A keeps drinking.
We suggest face to face meetings and we also offer on-line meetings for people who can't get to face to face meetings or utilize the on-line meetings as a supplement to face to face meetings. Keep coming back here, too. We understand. We've been there and are there.
Welcome Beulah,it certainly sounds as if your brother is determined to live his life as he sc chooses and has put everything in place to do just that. He does not see that he has a problem and is content living this life style. Alanon is a fellowship of people who love an alcoholic , who see the danger of the life style that the alcoholic is living and attempt to force a solution.
One of the first concepts that I learned in Al-Anon was that alcoholism is a progressive, fatal disease over which I was powerless. I didn't cause it, cannot control it and cannot cure it.
Al-Anon was founded by the wife of the founder of AA when she discovered that she had been severely affected because of living with the disease of alcoholism. Breaking the isolation caused by the disease is extremely important to our mental health and that is why face-to-face meetings that are held in most communities are a way of doing just that. It is here that I was given the tools to learn to keep the focus on myself and my life, love and have compassion for the alcoholic and receive powerful support as I attempted to remember to mind my own business and focus on my life.
I learned that the best support that I could give to my family, the alcoholic included was to take care of myself, develop constructive tools to live by and to keep an open mind.
Welcome and I agree w Grateful...you can't do anything about whether or not your brother is drinking but you can do a lot for yourself. My life started to change when I came here, went to meetings, read the literature and got a sponsor. Put the focus on you and know you (and we all) are powerless over others.
Step 1: we admitted we were powerless over alcohol. That our lives had become unmanageable. We cannot do anything to convince an alcoholic to get help. You can suggest it maybe once if it will make you feel better. Then let go and let God. You will have serenity if you let go. He is a grown man. At least there aren't children involved. I am not surprised the family doesn't want to be around him. Why would they?
-- Edited by Newlife girl on Wednesday 17th of September 2014 11:39:18 PM
