grateful2be, you've described my situation to a "T" - I suspect that it's a common situation that a lot of us Al Anons find ourselves in.

Even though I have been going to meetings for a long time and I've been far from the best Al Anon member (in terms of how well I've followed the tenets of the program, practices that I know to be effective), I'd be an absolute basket case without Al Anon - the program has given me hope, and a community that understands what I'm wrestling with - and the community don't condemn me when I fall short.

What I've found so very hard to accomplish is finding the inner strength to do what I know I need to do - let my son take responsibility for his actions and not "rescue" him all the time, and get out of God's way so He can show my son a better path.

After A LOT of meetings and falling short, I am finally finding the strength to Detach with Love - no more of my money thrown at his problems, but I am lovingly and emotionally supportive of his efforts and praise when he makes good decisions - it has been VERY hard for me.

I pray constantly, asking for strength - perhaps, the prayers are being answered.

I am wondering about something at this point in my journey and I would appreciate a bit of feedback - I've done pretty good at staying out of my son's way and not pestering him like I used to, as I hope and pray that he'll find a better path and work out his own problems - for me, there are times, sometimes as long as a few days, when his problems aren't first and foremost in my mind all the time like they used to be - sometimes there are periods of days at a time when I don't focus on him and his problems - I still pray all the time for him (and me), but the anxiety I used to have all the time isn't there for me - I wonder about him, for sure, and I know that he's not where I'd like him to be (and probably not where he'd like to be, either), but it's a far different situation for me than is used to be - LOL, is this the beginning of "serenity"?

Thanks!

Yes!! also...that is one of the stepping stones to your peace of mind and serenity and it reminds me of my own path with my own son from when he was 19 and newly moved in with me which is what I wanted for a long long time as his mom and I had split years before.  When he came to live with me he was already a full blown alcoholic/addict and I already had several years in program.  Did HP plan it out for me that way?  I divorced my son like I did my alcoholic/addict 2nd wife in order to get total detachment and out of arms length way of the disease as it manifested itself in yet another one of my family members.  Judging is part of the decision making process and what I do before making sound choices for myself...yes it is also about blaming others however I chose to separate from the disease and those who manifest it because I am a carrier of it when I get taken off of my program.  Its great when you find yourself  staying out of "his way" because the "His" can also mean HP's way if you see HP as a male entity.  When I turn the problem over I do it with complete trust and faith and I don't bring it back on myself.  I learned a thought picture in Al-Anon  years ago; another way of looking at detachment from the alcoholic which was said like this, "Allow her the DIGNITY of the consequences of her choices".  The word DIGNITY put a different light upon how I had looked at it before that and I now became more respectful doing it that way and more loving.  

My son now is in his late 40ies and has relapsed as completely as an alcoholic/addict could and would.  God the family suffers so much and it seem everything turns to ashes including feelings, thinking, behaviors and such.  He has the dignity of that choice as does the rest of the sick family.  My Al-Anon Family Group wife and I make  ourselves available and they have complete responsibility for if and when they want to hear about it or not.  We know how hard it was for us at first to go to others and to seek and listen to help and we know that it isn't much different now.  We have arrived at serenity as you have and on a daily basis habitually know how to remain there.  At times we question and still arrive at working the program because of all it gives.

Keep practicing what you have learned which has worked for you because this program works when you work it.  Let your HP continue to be the HP.  ((((hugs))))

(((TY))) I get it. There's no guarantee that when we step back our adult child will step up and deal with their issues. There is a guarantee that if we don't step back, they have no chance of feeling the pain of loss and seeking the help of others skilled to help our loved ones find the right way for them. It hurts even when we know we have to let go. In some ways, your job loss may be a special grace? Makes it harder for you to be tempted to give him money or to bail him out just this time if you have to watch your funds closely, too? I am very glad you've continued Al-Anon recovery for yourself. I've been through this for a long time with my adult son. I'm grateful Al-Anon has been there for me through the hard times and the not so hard times, too. I'm glad you're here. Keep coming back.