SIL - Al-Anon Family Group

deramam · Veteran Member

SIL

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Deramam: I think it is wise to let your husband handle his sister and the estate issues. Maybe this is another one of those Step 1 things? This is an issue between your H and his sister as I see it. Others may see it differently?

deramam · Veteran Member

I know it is but she's not doing her job and he's letting it slide. Also, I'm the one who wrote her the check and made him sign it because she was urgent about it. Yet we were told by the lawyer that we shouldn't have sent her the check and she shouldn't have done it. That's a lot of money we could be using for bills and he hasn't brought it up to her again. She claims she's so busy but she doesn't do anything but party. It's driving me insane that he doesn't man up and get this over with.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

I do understand Can you stop payment on the check ?

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I didn't realize you'd already sent her the check. That is a problem and I hope you can do as Betty suggests.

deramam · Veteran Member

No I sent it back in November. And we didn't find out about it being wrong until my mom inquired about the trust and the money to add money if it would be beneficial. She said if she has to she'll give the money back but she said she had to figure it out like we were lying. She said the money is in a seperate account but the lawyer said the trust isn't set up yet so that she said she set up an account that is elsewhere from what the will and estate says. I hope that money isn't gone. She acted like she had to figure out if we were lying. She said she would work on it. That was last week. And my H hasn't said anything to her and I get pissed that I have to stay on him to stay on her or it'll never get back to us.

-- Edited by Debilyn on Wednesday 27th of August 2014 12:28:22 AM

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

If a lawyer is involved, I would turn it over to the lawyer and ask that they resolve it using legal means

deramam · Veteran Member

We might have to but so far she has ignored the lawyers emails mail and calls to finish the estate as it is. She's the victim. She's so irresponsible but covers it up using my AH as her shade. As the years go by I notice just how shady and manipulative she is. It's getting really hard to bite my tongue esp after she lied to us and we sent her 15k$. But then we're the stupid ones because we believed that it was for our sons trust. I knew something was off when she was so urgent about it and made me write it in her name. Good thing I put for our sons trust on the memo. That's what will save us if she doesn't agree to send it back.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Am I understanding you in that she hasn't cashed the check yet? Or are you meaning that she has cashed the check and not put it in a trust account for your sons? Either solution Betty suggested could work nicely for either scenario? Frustrating situation for you and your husband here. Good that there is an attorney involved because if you sent her a check in November and she cashed it without doing what is intended with it, that is definitely a legal issue that the attorney might be able to assist in? To me, its stealing to tell you the money is for one thing and then not using it as it was intended. I would certainly want any help the attorney could offer in this case if I couldn't stop payment on the check.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Tuesday 26th of August 2014 11:13:38 PM

-- Edited by grateful2be on Tuesday 26th of August 2014 11:21:10 PM

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Ok I see the problem. An A basically manipulated you out of personal money, so she did not have to wait for the finishing of the estate. NOW you need something from an A to finish it.

So in my experience, sadly most times you do not get your money or help from them. Remember they are sick and insane.

I am thinking what if you asked her to dinner and also have the estate attorney there to meet her at your home? I know this sounds like advice. It's more to help you problem solve. She has shown you she will not do it herself. My AH was and is like that> i never worried about his threats as he never did a darn thing. He couldn't even make a doc app.

You didn't know you should not have given her money. This is typical for an A to do this to people.

I am glad you vented here. We need to get this poison out. Also lets say the estate is done, don't they have to do up the checks for all concerned, including sis in law, what makes you think she will cash it and turn it over to you for what you gave her? I think legally they have to write her a check in her name.OH maybe that is why they want her to come in to sign a release so you get that money????

OH dear....keep us updated hugs hugs, debilyn

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