The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am still working really hard to abstain from contacting my Active \abf after he slipped 3 weeks ago and have been doing really well.
I can not engage with this disease like I did in the past I became really ill and nearly went down with him last time I have to love and protect myself.
So I have been going to lots of meetings, reading, reading and reading. I have a new sponsor and we are in contact daily ready to start the steps. and most important I have been praying and taking the time to meditate and listen to HP.
I can see how addicted I am to my partner and fixing I truly feel like a fish out of water. But it is getting a little easier, I really have experienced a withdrawal which has been very painful at times.
I am reaching out a lot more as I am beginning to realise how emotionally dependent I was on my relationship with my ABF especially once we were both in recovery.
Last night I went to the alcohol free bar we have in town and watch a movie with recovery people I really enjoyed it.
Then today a friend rang and told me she had seen my ABF and that was it my disease went nuts the pain started again. I think I am going to have to put some boundaries in place with myself and others. I think I will have to tell people not to mention him as it upsets me and also I have to stop asking his son who lives with me if he has heard anything from him. I really am handing him over and I am going to get better!!!!!
part of this keeping my focus on myself will be coming back on here more.
hugs tracy xxxxxx
-- Edited by Tracy on Monday 25th of August 2014 12:09:32 PM
I don't know about you, Tracy. I do know about me. I had/have a deep need to be needed. It developed early on for reasons that truly aren't necessary to repeat here. Once I became aware of that need to be needed and saw how destructive it could be to me and to others, I could begin to let go of giving into it and that was very, very painful because it was so central to my identity. I wasn't sure how to act at first and little by little I learned a different way to relate to myself and then to others. I learned to start paying attention to my own needs and giving to them. I learned to pay attention to the irritation I felt when those I had trained to be dependent on me were demanding more and more from me that included me listening to them at 3:00 in the morning or when they were raging or when they were insisting I do for them what they do for themselves and do the opposite of what I'd always done. Those choices resulted in new experiences I hadn't had before because I was changing the pattern and that, too, was painful. But, I kept on saying "no" to unreasonable demands on my time and person and "yes" to doing what was reasonable and healthy for me. Refusing to be at anybody's beck and call. Refusing to blame the other for how I was thinking and feeling. Accepting that I really didn't always know how to handle my new experiences and getting with others who could help guide me with their wisdom and their non-emotional attachment to me or to the others in my life. Al-Anon readers, meetings, hanging out with folks who had what I wanted, CODA meetings and literature and doing more of what I wanted to do and less of what I didn't want to do helped me through what I would say was withdrawal from being a person who needed to be needed to a person who wanted something different in my relationships to others.
I don't know if any of what was true for me is true for you, but if it helps to share my e/s/h with you, I offer it in the spirit of passing it on. If it doesn't fit for you, I know that others will step up to the plate on this board with e/s/h that is right for you now. (((T)))
You are doing things that will support you in this new way of being. Old patterns of behavior won't die easily and I found for me they start to scream louder when I don't need them or want them any longer. I was raised on good Italian bread. I love this bread, it was part of my families ritual at our evening meal. I cant eat the bread anymore. When I pass it in the store, my mouth starts to water, I, pick it up, I smell it. The memories are comforting. I say to myself, I can have just one piece, but then I remind myself how I feel after I eat it. I have to consciously say NO and I make a good choice for me (Usually). The longer I go between bread feedings,,the easier it is to not eat it, even when I have my mom and dad offering it to me over and over again. You can do this!
. The longer I go between bread feedings,,the easier it is to not eat it, even when I have my mom and dad offering it to me over and over again. You can do this!