Explosion of monumental proportions - Al-Anon Family Group

shosh18 · Member

Explosion of monumental proportions

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

It sounds to me as if he's experiencing what heavy drinkers experience - insanity. Paranoia, not making sense, incoherence, crazy judgment. These are absolutely standard, sadly.

Some people do not become violent under these circumstances, but I wouldn't like to take the chance. They don't know what they're doing under these conditions - things they would never do while sober they will do and hardly even be aware of it.

I hope you can be in a place he can't get to, and keep well away from him for now.

In my experience, when the effects have worn off, he will hardly remember a thing, and if you try to explain it all to him (which I don't recommend), will deny, accuse you of making things up, etc. The reason I don't recommend it because it just leads to quarrels and frustration, rather than to any realization on his part.

This does not sound like a good situation to remain in. I don't remember your exact circumstances, I'm afraid, but I hope you have a separate place to stay while you work out how to go forward. Please take good care of youself.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi, shosh: His brain is going haywire. I have witnessed that in my own son and there is absolutely nothing I can say or do that will change the way the brain misfires. I have helped myself by simply recognizing that this is the way the body of my loved one behaves when the brain is misfiring and do what I can to take good care of myself. That's all I can do. That and pray. Remembering the 3cs, staying out of the way of the body's reaction to the brain's misfiring, and not taking any of it personally helps me let go of fear and panic or thinking there is anything I can do to help my loved one who is as powerless over that brain dysfunction as I am. I have also seen my son go through periods like this and then return to apparent "normal" for him. This, too, will pass although it might not get better.

Many prayers for your and for your loved one. This is one shi**y disease. (((S))) I have no suggestions on what to do since a lot of this happens when he calls me and I don't know where he is or whose phone he's using or when he's in a lockdown unit. Hopefully, others have some experience for you to share. The important thing to me is that you recognize you are powerless over this behavior and there is nothing you have done to bring it on nor can you stop it. First things first: keep yourself safe and calm.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Sunday 24th of August 2014 08:30:22 AM

shosh18 · Member

Have figured out the it is not my fault, it is out of my control and i can't cure it. So if he stays out there all night that is his choice. I have also figured out that I am not trying to harm him and if i call him to encourage him to come inside i will only be harming myself. I hate this disease with a passion. It is consuming and I have had enough. I am seriously thinking of ending it once and for all. Let go and let god take care of us both. I am not having him cross my boundaries blaming me inappropriately anymore. It is utter madness what has gone on tonight. His need for control is ridiculous and I cannot stand it anymore. I am going to see if I can get a sponsor at my next f2f meeting and get some extra help as I need to find the strength to let go of this man before the disease destroys me.

Thanks for reading this. I gives me a lot of peace of mind knowing that you are out there I am not alone.

Shosh

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

This is the insanity of the disease. Please keep the focus on yourself and try to get to a meeting

shosh18 · Member

Yes I have to keep myself safe, stay away from him and remind myself that he is crazy at the moment and is not thinking straight. It is so scary, I can't begin to tell you. He is totally insane. I feel so sad, overwhelmed, frightened, lost, nauseas, angry all at once. Mattie, I am in my own house, he has left. I have locked all of the doors and he does not have his keys with him I don't think. Hotrod, my next meeting is next Wedneday night but I think i should try and find another one sooner and get help support for myself tomorrow. Don't think i can wait till wednesday night. Grateful, I am praying with you, bless you for your prayers for both of us. I hate this dreadful disease, it is so cruel.....

Thanks for being there for me you guys,

Shosh

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

(((S)))

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

We know this craziness up close and personal, as the saying goes. He sounds volatile to me and that is not safe for you. Take good care and keep coming back...hugs

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Slosh Remember if you become too frightened that you can and should call 911.
On line meetings here are also very helpful. You ARE NOT ALONE

WorkingThroughIt · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Shosh
As a "double winner", I can tell you that something you might have hinted at at the end of your top post was true for me.
If i went 2-3 days without a drink I couldn't go any longer and if have a sort of "meltdown".
The only thing that would relieve it was a drink.

Also I grew up with parents who would harm me then blame me for my hurt and reactions, so today when dealing with anyone who's lashing out I try not to insult them, I just back off and get to a Ladies Room and pray.

I do what I need to to take care of me and that includes buying Alanon Daily Readers and reading them every day and going to many meetings each week especially in tough times, and making sure my recovery program is always first in my life before anything else. It is today because I need it and I love it.

missmeliss · ~*Service Worker*~

That sounds scary. I have experienced very similar things with my A; total insanity. I know how hard it is but I hope you can find a way to get some sleep; crazy nights like that were always made so much worse by the lack of sleep and utter exhaustion.
Prayers for you.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

the disease is insanity. there is no use talking to them or giving them any attention. let them go in other words.

you, i hope you have friends and family to support you and or go to. You need love and strength. Its best for the A to leave them alone to go thru their own experiences. its not as fun if the disease has no one to play with and drag into their pit.

Yes I know how you feel. it hurts to see a person we love act so awful. It literally makes us sick. Go easy on you please, eat simple drink lots of good fluids. Treat your self to whatever you need and even wants.

You deserve it, the disease has hurt you, wounded you.

I am glad you are coming here! love, debilyn

'

cloudyskies · ~*Service Worker*~

shosh, I am so sorry. Stop worrying about him. I always remind myself that God takes care of fools and drunks. Most alcoholics act like children throwing tantrums. When they are drinking, there is nothing much they say that makes sense. Their brains are so dysfunctional. We all understand what you are feeling as we have all felt it ourselves. Your safety and sanity comes first. Take care of you. I'm praying for you, shosh.

((hugs))

WorkingThroughIt · ~*Service Worker*~

So much for "supporting the alcoholic."
lol

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Shosh...If it has frightened you then call 911 and have the police come and put a hold on him in the hospital. It is legal and a tool. I have done it with other alcoholics and it cannot be done frivolously because of the law and the police and hospitals experiences. Paranoia and delusions and such are common with alcoholism and they see it more often than we do. The outcome will be that both of you will be protected. The craziness of this disease is often really ....insane. ((((hugs)))) smile

shosh18 · Member

Thanks for all the replies. Your support is wonderful (((hugs)))

shosh18 · Member

I did not follow up with him through the night :). I even managed to get some sleep. I went to the beach the next morning and he called me while I was having a coffee so we met at the cafe and talked about what happened. I told him I was very angry that he posted on FB. He didn't deny it. He blamed me as usual and said I made him do it. I can't tell you how many times he has used the same line on me. I could see there was no point trying to reason with him so I didn't even try to. I just told him not to do that ever again and that I didn't trust him on FB anymore and was going to restrict his access. He said I was punishing him and being manipulative. I said that it was a consequence not a punishment. He nearly hit the roof when I said that and I suggested we agree to disagree as I could see we would get nowhere and it was going to escalate if we kept talking. I think I have done the right thing but I am not completely sure. Is that the right thing to do in this situation?

Thanks for your help (((hugs)))) to all you wonderful souls for the great support you give to people like me.

WorkingThroughIt · ~*Service Worker*~

I would have gone to an Alanon meeting and started looking at Step 1, but that's just me...

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

As my attendance at meetings and recovery work was in place, I said less and less to my husband where there were issues of conflict. I learned to say what I meant calmly, then I shut up. I learned to see the manipulation and it was easiest for me to see everything he did or said as a manipulation. Who was I to sift through his debris to find something truthful?

You stated things that were true for you, which is awesome. He will not like anything you do or say, oh well, right? Take care of you by working your recovery and your life will feel and be different than what it is now. The question is, do you want it to be different? I don't know if you have begun working the 12 steps....I do know, they are waiting for you whenever you are ready to take step one...you are powerless over alcohol..Yiu are powerless over other people, places or things. Hugs! keep coming back, you are so worth a joyous life. There is a step board connected to this forum, too.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

I see that you found the step board....yay!

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

You said what you meant. Meant what you said. Didn't say it mean. You also saw that these kinds of conversations go nowhere and that is awareness and maybe acceptance? Those are 2 of the 3 As we talk about in Al-Anon. Going to the step board and going to meetings and coming here are all good action steps - the 3rd of our 3As. Talking things over and reasoning things out with some of us on the board is yet another healthy action step to take. You're taking baby steps and that is very good. Progress not perfection is one of our slogans and it appears to me you are making a lot of progress. Keep working it, sister. It looks good on you.

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