Many addicts like to believe "I can quit any time I want to." So...they put themselves through the detox just to "show" themselves that they "can" stop and continue to fool themselves that the drink or drug is not the one in control. It is ongoing denial. Also, while the physical addiction is very strong, the mental one is MUCH stronger. Once you are no longer racked with pain from detox, then you have to look at the world and figure out how to live in it without a sedative/numbing agent. That is terrifying and overwhelming for most alcoholics. They know how to suffer and feel sick, so they can do detox, but they do not know how to live sober.

Hope this helps.

Im not completely sure but I do relate. My ex would do this and my sons like this too. I thought maybe thats when the guilt settles down and they tell themselves that its ok again. I suppose its the compulsion too, it takes a while for the alcohol to leave the system so they are driven by the physical cravings. I know for me, I would tell myself that this time he would continue to stay sober but of course a few days was the max. Its hard not to try and influence it and stay out of it, its also important to have boundaries that protect you from any consequences of his drinking.x

Lots of great thoughts. My thought from experience is this, my ex ah would get all bloated and hurt from his liver. so many times his pain would make him stop. They don't necessarily tell us all the things they feel.

hugs

When I was desperately struggling to quit, I got myself caught in the cycle of quitting and relapsing on Day 4 as you speak of. I hated myself for it. I think part of it was to do with the physical cravings but, as mentioned above, a lot of it was mind games. I had convinced myself that I could not get past day 4. So obviously I never could.

I would cave on day 4, drink to blackout that day, then quit again. Keep doing the whole thing over and over. It was soul destroying and I was full of self loathing each time I repeated the whole horrible thing. Somehow one time I got past day 4 and have never looked back. I thank God for that. Four years sober now.

The actual withdrawals for me felt like flu physically along with cravings for alcohol.

From my observations from my fellow quitters, there are two states of mind about quitting.

One is - I WANT to quit. That is the attitude most likely to succeed. Because you are willing to fight it with all your might.

The other is - I OUGHT to quit because my spouse/family is telling me to/my health is failing/my life is falling apart etc. This does not seem to work.

The A has to want it for themselves.

-- Edited by SunshineGirl on Sunday 24th of August 2014 01:02:44 PM

 

 

Aloha Tampa...the chemical is a mind and mood altering chemical.  The chemical affects all levels of the being...mind, emotions, spirit and body all at the same time and often interwoven one reacting to the other or in that cycle sometimes called the downward spiral.   Alcohol as a chemical is very powerful and synergistic it changes the shape and strength of blood cells and dissolves proteins.  It gets to the brain without having to go to the stomach and affects every organ in the body without reserve.  It is anesthetic, diuretic, antiseptic and more.  It is in the class of poisoning and beyond certain levels it will kill.  This isn't a diet soda or kool aid or milk.  The withdrawal process in part of how it sets itself up in the body.  When it becomes the habit or addiction what becomes usual is the intoxication and when that is gone it is replaced by pain...physical, mental and emotional...paranoia, schizophrenia, panic, delusions and more occur in the brain and emotions with the craving for the anesthetic following right after..."to drink again".  Alcoholic drinking often is accompanied by rage and anger and the chemical sets this up also.  The desire of the drinker is to be able to drink and still maintain balance and proper appearance even while the chemical is making that impossible.  The more loss of balance results a greater attempt at it and when the balance isn't maintained the alcoholic gets angry and when the appearance is one "as the fool" the alcoholic will rage.   I've experienced this phenomenon during my drinking career which resulted in social dementia...I ended that career drinking alone, away from others or in fights and crises often and all caused by alcohol.  I learned more about my disease in college and it showed me more.  It helped to explain why I was a different skin color/hue that many other people and alcoholics ... a yellowish/green color which cleared up 5 years after I stopped drinking.   I always drank and so not drinking was unusual.  Drinking in my family was accepted and normal and we knew nothing about disease.   We knew drunk...we did not know alcoholic/ism/abuse...we drank.  

There is also the conscious/sub-conscious levels of alcoholism...the set up in the mind on both levels.  For me to be without a beer or hard liquor near by resulted in me going to get some.  My withdrawal was subliminal on the order of needing to have bread in the house...a necessity. The lack of it became a concern whether while drinking it or not.   Habit...almost certainly like breathing and a heartbeat. 

In the alcoholics life drinking and alcohol is so tightly woven and to unravel it for me I had to have a need greater than my need to drink.  Even reaching toxic shock; the over dose which brings us so very very close to the point of death isn't enough.  It wasn't for me on 3 occasions.  Coming away from that event meant that I was impervious.  I am chemically tolerant and didn't find that out until I was in college and counseling.  I rarely felt drunk so I stopped using drunk as an indicator as to whether I had drank enough. 

There is physical withdrawal...the pain and physical anxiety of being without the chemical in the body.

There is emotional withdrawal...the fear of loss control over my feelings...alcohol does numb (anesthetic)

There is mental withdrawal...the thought cravings as "if I don't have it (now or soon) I would be able to handle....whatever excuse"

There is the spiritual withdrawal...I cannot maintain my intent to get thru this day if I don't have a drink.

After college I became a therapist working in a large rehab with adults and adolescents and their friends, families and such.  We worked one on one and in groups and while I was the therapist I was also the student and the disease taught me on a daily basis.  

If a recovery program isn't on hand and of primary need and want to the alcoholic when withdrawal events the most common consequence is relapse...the going back to alcohol as the solution to the craving in the mind, body, spirit and emotions.

The last word of the 2nd step is "Sanity" and the prior idea to that word is the belief in a power greater than ourselves...mind, body, spirit and emotion, booze which can help us turn away from the insanity of our disease including especially that part of its character that is withdrawal.   

Your alcoholic is in the grips of what I have come to understand as the greatest disease (dis-ease) on the face of this planet.  If he doesn't arrest it by total abstinence and complete surrender on both his conscious and subconscious and behavioral levels it will progress toward being fatal.  This isn't a diet soda or kool aid or ice tea...this is a poison...intoxicant.

Are you attending face to face Al-Anon meetings...have you heard the suggestions on how to work it?

Keep coming back....In support.   (((((hugs)))))