The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So why is it so hard? Everything!! I don't want to find a job here because somewhere in my heart I've not really left even though physically I'm gone. Why hasn't he called me begging me to come back and promising that he'll change? Why am I still waiting? I'm stuck in limbo and don't really want to move forward because I know it's farther away from him! I'm angry, hurt, scared, lonely, confused and who knows what else!! Our boy called him tonight and I'm trying so hard not to eavesdrop, yet trying to do it at the same time...what was that background noise? It was loud, is he in the bar? Did he drive there...why so quiet now? He sounds sober....is he drinking or not, maybe it was the TV? Don't cry! Oh crap, I'm crying...Why is my life so messed up? Why why why!!!!????
Sitting here lost...looked into Al-Anon and they only meet on Thursdays! How am I going to make it to Thursday? Will I cry? Do I have to talk? Will my son be okay with this? Breathe!!! One day at a time! Say it again and again and again...Just Breathe! Don't think, just do!
Plan in place for Monday....Resume must be dropped off, job must be found! Good enough plan for now...follow through...
You can do the site meetings here which are held twice daily and though it is not face to face it is the program none the less. Coming to the board is healthy also. You're caught up in what I consider the nastiest disease in the world and what you're going thru is normal...not nice...normal. He's not normal...he is your alcoholic not the idol of your life; sorry that is the way it is and the way the disease works. I was born into this and crazy was normal...needs go unmet and are answered with unfulfilled expectations which left me confused, needy, wanting, lost, hurt and soooo pissed off I was a danger to myself and others. By the time I was 6 I was so jaded and empty of empathy and compassion and love I could have had a successful career as a mummy or dry stick. You have this opportunity at MIP and Thursday night face to face meetings and on-line meetings...I suggest you take it all. Its better than what you have now and has more promise. ((((hugs))))
Live meetings are easy. Just listen and learn. You really don't have to speak until you are ready.
Then the floodgates will open. You are not suppose to talk about the a only that they are your
Qualifier. You are there for you only. It is a hard concept to get around when you are use to do
All the giving and caring. You need to learn self care and self love. Thats what the program is
All about. "you" not him. He needs aa and you need alanon if you can find a sponsor that would
Be helpful.
Hi, Watts: Our feelings go into overdrive sometimes when we are in the midst of a transition. Simple slogans or the serenity prayer repeated until we feel a release from that whirring inside can be helpful. Becoming aware of our breathing - is it shallow and fast paced - and then consciously taking slow deliberate breaths in through our nose (I breathe in peace) and out through our mouths (I breathe out chaos) can also help us become more peaceful and able to hear the next right step to take for us in self-care. We are used to living in drama. It takes a bit of time and effort on our part to begin to appreciate being separated from that drama. On-line meetings and hanging out with the family in our chat room can help, too.
